friend living with us - all gone sour!

aliasojo

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Alot of this could just be down to a modern house with no soundproofing.

Even if that accounted for the bedroom noises it still doesn't explain/excuse the shower thing, the living room antics and the attitude when spoken to about it all.

Pollycat

aliasojo wrote: »

Even if that accounted for the bedroom noises it still doesn't explain/excuse the shower thing, the living room antics and the attitude when spoken to about it all.

You beat me to it, aliasojo.

Le73Uq86Uv

Just tell him there was two staying in his room and the money he gave you covereed her board costs.

Mojisola

suki1001 wrote: »

but there are 2 sides to every story.

There aren't always. Sometimes one side is in the wrong, knows it, doesn't care and thinks they'll get away with it because the other side are nice people who will find it difficult to say anything.

Pollycat

suki1001 wrote: »

No, I mean did they know him to be this sort of person before he moved in. If you know someone for years and get on, then they move in and they start behaving like that, it's down to lack of communication. My mum used to moan about my husband because of his behaviour when we all lived together. You'd think he'd know - well, unless everything is clearly communicated that it's not acceptable, then unless they're mind readers, they're not going to know it hacks the other person off. even if the other person is nearly choking on the incredulousness of it. People don't turn into nightmares all of a sudden, it's just you have to be very good at getting things accross. No, he shouldn't have behaved like that, but there are 2 sides to every story.

I think the OP mentions at least one thing that happened before he moved in.

Would you find it acceptable to be woken at 6am by a friend who wanted you to get out of bed and drive over (no idea how far) to pick him up and take him home when it was only a 15 minute walk home for him?

Would you find it reasonable that the friend who you'd said 'no' to didn't speak to you for 3 months afterwards?

I agree, there are 2 sides to every story - and I'd love to hear the friend's side of it.

paddy's_mum

The OP has now discovered what the friend is really like. Cheap at the price would be my view.

Fancy the friend chucking away his reputation and a long standing friendship for the sake of a few quid and a bedroom romp or two!

What a fool ... and who needs friends of that calibre?

embob74

As PP's have said this man is not a friend.
I think you think you were doing him a favour by letting him stay and he thinks he is doing you a favour by paying you board which is clearly much needed income.
I suspect he knows your debt situation and is asking for his rent back because he knows it would cause you hardship and it makes him feel superior to be in the enviable position of not having to worry about money. You say you are worried about him spreading rumours about you - I suspect he will do this even if you give him all his money back!

So decide what you feel is fair to him and yourselves with regards to the board money. If you feel he deserves to have it all back then you should give it back, if you feel he should have none of it back then don't give it back. Do try to be fair and look at it from a subjective view and then you can hold your head high knowing you have justified to yourself the reasoning behind your decision.
I do think you should explain to him your reasoning and do as previously suggested and invite him and his gf round to dinner once he has left in order to show you hold no grudges.

embob74

My gut instinct is that it's your OH's friend so he should be the one deciding what to do with him.
He has to go on a stag do with him and only he knows how unbearable that could be if they are no longer friends.
But let your OH know he should not be a pushover and a friendship works both ways. Additionally should your OH decide to give all the money back then your family will be the ones who suffer for the sake of his friend's selfishness.

weepingtree

Agree with the general concencus on this thread.

Firstly he has broken the t's & c's of the verbal agreement you had for him to move in.
Next he has had his gf staying for nearly 3 weeks so yes her expenses should be covered.
He has not given you any notice, so you have allocated his rent money already, he can just dump you in it, so he will have to respect that you will pay him back what you agree fair when your circumstances allow.

Just a thought, has he broken or damaged anything in the house ? as this could be recovered from what he says you owe him.

sulkisu

Just let him move out and be done - what's the big deal?

It sounds like you are/have been willing to put up with him because of the extra money. £400 a month towards your debts is a lot, but ultimately you need to make a choice. Either his behaviour is uneacceptable - in which case, let him leave - or it isn't and let him stay. Pointless harping on about the things that he has done in the past, because you have put up with them.