friend living with us - all gone sour!

floss2

I'm with B&T - don't pay him any money back. He's taken you and your hospitality for granted and now's the time for him to move onto his own life.

If you really feel you need to say something, tell him it's for the wear & tear incurred while he's been playing mummies & daddies with his girlfriend, and for the double occupancy of his room

BitterAndTwisted

What would I do if I was worried about a confrontation or wouldn't welcome one? Keep saying to him, until the moment after he's pack his bags, returned the keys and actually physically left the house "We might discuss this another time once we've stopped being so very angry with you".

Once the front-door has closed on his @rse never speak to him again.

Pollycat

cord123 wrote: »

I just think this could be the nail in the coffin for the friendship because he has said to my husband until we realise that we are in the wrong he cant move on from this!!

I just can't believe this!

Do you really want someone who is so selfish and self-centred in your lives?

I would seriously consider whether he's worth having as a friend.

I appreciate that he's a very long term friend of your OH's but he is a user.

ttoli

cord123 wrote: »

He is 30. The thing that gets me is that when he had his own house he never ever took girls back there that he had just met - he always went to theirs.We emailed him because a couple of days before my husband spoke to him about using our en suite (basically our ensuite has a shower cubicle in it and our family bathroom has a bath with a shower attachemnt but it is a bit rubbish. We agreed that he could use our ensuite as long as we left our bedroom door open, so he knew that we werent in there etc) my husband was having a lie in, was about half 8. He barges in (doesnt knock) and goes into the en suite to shower. My husband said to him later cheers for the wake up call this morning and he said you should have been up. He said, what time I get up is up to me and said next time you will either have to use the other bathroom or wait - heis words were I can do what the f*&% I like! He said it in a jokey way apparently but that is his attitude.


I understand about how it is in a relationship, my OH and I moved in together very quickly into his mums. But I would never ever have gone and had a bit of nooky with children outside my bedroom door - not a chance!


I just feel like we have been taken for a ride. We let his nephews stay over, I did them all dinner - once I even got up with the two of them and my 3 and he laid in for 2 hours then got up at went to the gym for an hour and a half and i bit my tongue then!


I think he needs to grow up a bit and get in the real world. He knew he was moving into a house with a young child and surely should have understood that certain things are not ok in such a place!


Grrr getting really angry now!


I just think this could be the nail in the coffin for the friendship because he has said to my husband until we realise that we are in the wrong he cant move on from this!!

Has this Guy ever lived in Cyprus?, sounds very much like my last (ever ) lodger, preyed on the fact that I was (at the time) in dire financial straights.

BitterAndTwisted

You are in the wrong!


Honestly, with someone so inconsiderate and self-centred there can be no discussion. It would be all just a total waste of breath.

There's something wrong with him and moving in with family has brought out the adolescent Kevin in him as well.

This is one friendship which needs to brought to an end without looking back.

londonsurrey

cord123 wrote: »

he has said to my husband until we realise that we are in the wrong he cant move on from this!!

As long as he moves on from your house, he can stay stuck in whatever he chooses to.

duchy

I'd give him £200 in lieu of a week's notice and consider it cheap to be rid of such leach.

Give him a cheque or get him to sign a receipt for it-and if he says it isn't enough tell him it's that or nothing-His choice.

What is your OH's take on the situation ?

aliasojo

cord123 wrote: »

I just think this could be the nail in the coffin for the friendship because he has said to my husband until we realise that we are in the wrong he cant move on from this!!

I was incredulous when I read this (and also the bit about using the ensuite shower when hubby was in bed).

I'm amazed you're even considering letting him stay. Is the money really worth making yourselves doormats for?

Get him out and tell him you will refund his £300 purely because you are (were?) friends but as his decision to leave was sprung upon you, he will need to wait for his money as it has already been used.

He wasn't treating your place as a family home with him as a lodger, he was treating it as him and hubby flat sharing and you and the kids were extras. That's why he saw nothing wrong with acting as if he had the same level of importance as hubby and could do what he wanted with showers and girls.

SailorSam

I don't know about him wanting money back. tell him you want more money if this girl has been staying why hasn't she paid you any rent.
You'll be better off without him.

Mojisola

It's hard to do with "friends" but the lesson that comes out time and again in these threads is - make an agreement, put it in writing, have a serious talk the very first time the agreement is broken and be firm about consequences.

He will have to wait until you have his money. Don't take out a loan to pay him back!

If you never see this man again, you'll have got some benefit from the situation.