friend living with us - all gone sour!

Pee

I think you are being reasonable, but he does deserve his money back promptly, and it might be worth remembering how you and OH were when you first got together. This is normal and it passes. Invite them both around for dinner quite soon after he has moved out if you can bear to to try to hold on to the friendship.

andyf3050

I don't think you owe him anything... he was quite aware of the ground rules when he moved in and has blatantly broken them... when you pay a landlord a deposit before moving into their property, you only get that back if you haven't broken anything...!! He needs to take it on the chin, stop playing the victim (his actions and total disrespect for you, your family and your home have made you all feel uncomfortable in YOUR own home) and think of the rent money as "the most sincere apology" that he most definitely owes to you all..!

Pollycat

Pee wrote: »

I think you are being reasonable, but he does deserve his money back promptly, and it might be worth remembering how you and OH were when you first got together. This is normal and it passes. Invite them both around for dinner quite soon after he has moved out if you can bear to to try to hold on to the friendship.

I personally don't think he deserves anything of the sort.

I would certainly not borrow the money to pay him back.

cord123 wrote: »

he has now been with her nearly 3 weeks, she has stayed round nearly every night...

You could point out to him that he was supposed to be paying £100 per week for him (and only him) to stay in your house.

He should have paid double that for him and this girl so he actually owes you an extra £300 for the 3 weeks she's stayed.

And - hey presto - you already have this extra £300 so you are quits.

Of course, it all depends on how much value you (or more importantly your OH) places on this long friendship.

raven83

Pee wrote: »

I think you are being reasonable, but he does deserve his money back promptly, and it might be worth remembering how you and OH were when you first got together. This is normal and it passes. Invite them both around for dinner quite soon after he has moved out if you can bear to to try to hold on to the friendship.

I don't think they owe him anything to be fair, he has flaunted the rules so why should they owe him anything? Also yes maybe they are all over each other because they are all "loved up" but it was the OPs house and her rules and blatantly broke them!

tincat

When he asks you for the money back, just tell him that he is welcome to stay for the remaining 2 - 3 weeks and 'use' it up. If he decides to leave before it is due, that is his problem.

If you were kicking him out, then you would have to find the money morally, but you're not.

I think you just have to be calm and 'appeasing' whenever he speaks to you about the money. Don't rise to his 'accusations' of you not making him feel welcome or whatever, just keep repeating you won't give him the money, but he's welcome to stay.

surfboard2

**Patty** wrote: »

All of the above BUT....

Why email him? Just sit him down & tell him. You're grown-ups.

I was wondering this too.

Anyway, if i were you OP, i'd just give the £300 back to him (when you can) and move on.

j.e.j.

Just out of interest, how old is this guy? I mean, ok you can't expect someone to be celibate or never to meet a girl, but I'd like to think an ADULT would have more respect (and self-respect!) than to be so blatant with their bedroom antics in someone else's house.. It is your family home, and he's acting a bit like an unruly teen, if you ask me!

You will have to come to an agreement with him re the £300, but the situation he now finds himself in is ultimately his own doing, imo. Also, if he had £50k in the bank maybe it's time he got himself somewhere to live!

cord123

He is 30. The thing that gets me is that when he had his own house he never ever took girls back there that he had just met - he always went to theirs.We emailed him because a couple of days before my husband spoke to him about using our en suite (basically our ensuite has a shower cubicle in it and our family bathroom has a bath with a shower attachemnt but it is a bit rubbish. We agreed that he could use our ensuite as long as we left our bedroom door open, so he knew that we werent in there etc) my husband was having a lie in, was about half 8. He barges in (doesnt knock) and goes into the en suite to shower. My husband said to him later cheers for the wake up call this morning and he said you should have been up. He said, what time I get up is up to me and said next time you will either have to use the other bathroom or wait - heis words were I can do what the f*&% I like! He said it in a jokey way apparently but that is his attitude.


I understand about how it is in a relationship, my OH and I moved in together very quickly into his mums. But I would never ever have gone and had a bit of nooky with children outside my bedroom door - not a chance!


I just feel like we have been taken for a ride. We let his nephews stay over, I did them all dinner - once I even got up with the two of them and my 3 and he laid in for 2 hours then got up at went to the gym for an hour and a half and i bit my tongue then!


I think he needs to grow up a bit and get in the real world. He knew he was moving into a house with a young child and surely should have understood that certain things are not ok in such a place!


Grrr getting really angry now!


I just think this could be the nail in the coffin for the friendship because he has said to my husband until we realise that we are in the wrong he cant move on from this!!

cord123

joannaspanner wrote: »

Just give him the unused rent money back and be glad he is gone.

The thing is we have used it - we have been paying debt of with it straight away so it didnt get wasted x

cord123

Thank you for all your replies!

I think I am in for an interesting evening tonight! Will update you tomo (or this evening if he hasnt claimed squattors rights!) xx