friend living with us - all gone sour!

cord123

Hi all,

just wondered if it was worth getting a different take on things. My OH and I recently moved to a lovely 4 bed house. We have a DS who is nearly 3 and my OH has 2 DD 8 and 6 (with us around 50% of the time) My OH friend asked if he could live with us for a few months after he sold his house as he wanted to move to the area we had ... just so he could get a feel for it.


We agreed and all was going well for a couple of months. When he moved the only thing I really stipulated was that I didnt want him bringing girls home - he said he wouldnt anyway!


So fast forward about 2 -3 months, he meets a girl.... the first i know about it is when I am sitting in my living room in my pjs at about half 7 in the morning and she pops her head round the door.... slightly put out but oh well... my husband said to him we would have appreciated a head up etc he apologised. Anyway, he has now been with her nearly 3 weeks, she has stayed round nearly every night... they sit there literally groping each other in the living room and make as much noise as possible when they go to bed or get up (he gets up an hour earlier than us) But to top it off, they came in yesterday at about 6, we told them to shhh because our DS was asleep early, they continued to make a noise and he woke up. They then went to his bedroom at about half 6 and were blatently having 'hows your father!' (or jumping on the bed!) which me, my OH and DS could all hear.... they then came down about 8 as if nothing had happened, to make things worse my DS didnt end up going to sleep until nearly 9 because he had had his little power nap!


So i email our 'friend' today explaining that I wasnt happy with this around my son and I am happy for his girlfriend to stay over but could this be taken to a couple of nights a week rather than every night.


He didnt reply to me but my husband and said he was moving out tomo because we have made him feel uncomfortable. He is also asking for £300 rent money back. He paid £400 last week....


We have not got this as we have been putting his rent money straight towards debt.


What shall we do?? We have said he is more than welcome to stay and we dont want him to feel uncomfortable but just had to say it so it didnt happen again....are we being unreasonable?


sorry for the long post! xx

Stephb1986_2

Has he paid any money to you before this? If not tell him to jog on and stop being a free loader, you told him before he moved in he wasn't allowed girls around he blatently ignored this and got away with it in your house.

It's about time he moved on! Some friends really don't see when they take you for granted.

Good luck

Steph xx

sexylulubelle

well first of all, it is your and your OH home your entitled to your say and you did ask him right from the start not to bring his girls home, you did make that clear I think he is being an inconsiderate sod, especially with your little one around, unfortuantely these things happen, but I think you should tell him that he and his behaviour make you feel uncomfortable and not the other way round, If it was my friend I would tell him exactly how I felt, Understandably it makes it more difficult when its friends and there is money involved, good luvk OP, hope you get it sorted.

Lotus-eater

Let him go, pay him back the money when you could afford it. Move on.

raven83

Wow i read this and wondered if it was a wind up at first.

I think you have been more than fair and I think he is blatantly taking the pee!!!! He is be being disrespectful to you and your child, I would of been furious if that was me and I think I would of told him to sling his hook! As for the money then I am not sure what I would do, I think though I would probably tell him to jog on tbh.

ItchyFeet

Agree with Lotuseater. He's taken advantage of the situation - from the way he's reacted i doubt the friendship will be the same again anyway. Depending on what your arrangements were regarding money (was any notice period agreed?), if you decide to give him the money back pay it when you can afford it and he will have to be happy with that. It's his decision to move out with no notice.

cord123

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Has he paid any money to you before this? If not tell him to jog on and stop being a free loader, you told him before he moved in he wasn't allowed girls around he blatently ignored this and got away with it in your house.

It's about time he moved on! Some friends really don't see when they take you for granted.

Good luck

Steph xx

Yeah his rent is £400 a month.... which tbh isnt bad because a room like his in our area is around £135 a week....


tbh... i could put up with the grilfriend being over - just (for the sake of paying debt off!) but not having that going on under my sons nose. We just started to feel like guests in our own house.


I am just worried about where we will find this £300.... he knows our financial situation, he had 50k sitting in the bank from the sale of his house... we have not told him to move out, he has decided he 'has' to. I just think its unfair that we will now have to borrow this £300 from someone and pay it back over the next couple of months.


God, I would love to know where he is going and what he has told them about why he has had to move out! I bet I have been painted out to be a right witch!!

londonsurrey

I love the way he's said he's moving out because YOU'VE made him feel uncomfortable.

Nothing at all to do with him breaking the initial agreement, an apology for doing so, an apology for waking the child up, etc, just all YOUR fault.

This is not a friend.

Pollycat

You've made him feel uncomfortable?
i think he's got a bloody cheek.

I think he's been incredibly rude, ungrateful and has taken advantage of your good nature.

You say this arrangement was for 'a few months'. How long had he actually been living with you?
Was he paying rent to you before he paid this £400 that he wants £300 back?
If he was, I'd tell him that you'll let him have his money back when you can afford it.
Tell him it was his choice to move out so suddenly (in a childish strop).
He broke the rules of your house.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

cord123

ItchyFeet wrote: »

Agree with Lotuseater. He's taken advantage of the situation - from the way he's reacted i doubt the friendship will be the same again anyway. Depending on what your arrangements were regarding money (was any notice period agreed?), if you decide to give him the money back pay it when you can afford it and he will have to be happy with that. It's his decision to move out with no notice.

Oh he is a nightmare for these sulks! He has been best friends with my OH since they were about 6, he had a rough childhood so practically lived with my OH family. He didnt speak to my OH a few years ago because he rung my OH up at 6 in the morning asking to be picked up after a night out because he had no money.... my OH would have maybe considered it but it was only a 15 minute walk home! He just said it was too cold - he didnt talk to us then for three months and they only reason he started again was because my OH was diagnosed with cancer!!


Oh god - I wish it was a wind up! Not sure you would get this in eastenders!!!


No notice period - we didnt think we needed one tbh.... it was always agreed we would assess it on a monthly basis... we wouldnt have taken his money this month, but he actually sent a text to my OH saying, I realise xxxx has been staying round a lot but it is only until she moves into her house share... i really appreciate you being understanding' his GF is currently living with her sister and her kids and he isnt allowed to stay over! so we thought that it would get better......

cord123

Pollycat wrote: »

You've made him feel uncomfortable?
i think he's got a bloody cheek.

I think he's been incredibly rude, ungrateful and has taken advantage of your good nature.

You say this arrangement was for 'a few months'. How long had he actually been living with you?
Was he paying rent to you before he paid this £400 that he wants £300 back?
If he was, I'd tell him that you'll let him have his money back when you can afford it.
Tell him it was his choice to move out so suddenly (in a childish strop).
He broke the rules of your house.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

He had been with us for 3 months I think (I think this was the 4th rent payment)


I just feel that we have been really good and relaxed about him having this stranger in our house and he cant see that. Oh well - it looks like it may get nasty which is a shame because he isnt a horrible bloke - just incredible selfish!


My OH is sharing and apartment with him on a stag do in a couple of months - AWKWARD!! hahahaha!