Boyfriend/husband and lap dancing clubs..???

Person_one

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Uhh.. Cos that's exactly the same thing isn't it!!

:rotfl:

Fair play to you if you beleive your OH

That's terribly patronising.

Most !!!!!! is rubbish anyway, and bears absolutely no relation to real life sex within a normal loving relationship. It always bothers me that so much of it involves the women looking like they're in fairly intense pain.

Maybe this man was brought up to view women as human beings and equals and just doesn't get turned by watching them be degraded.

Ellejmorgan

Any man that wants to view a woman as a piece of meat doesn't deserve my time..

RuthnJasper

Lancslass1982 wrote: »

Torry, I guess I just see a difference between being in a group of hens and all having a laugh together at a stripper and paying a lap dancer to take you to a private booth and dance naked on your lap in a sexual manner. I just don't think I can accept it really. I have been feeling quite unhappy in the relationship for a while (unappreciated etc) and I think this has just added to all that.

Me again Lancslass - ultimately only you and your b/f know the dynamics of the relationship so only you can make the call on this one. I just had a thought though - as he was at your brother's stag do, is he a mate of your brother's, or did your brother just invite him because he's your boyfriend? If he's a mate of your brother's in his own right then there's every chance that he'll be at the wedding... It'd be a real pity if this episode - whatever you decide to do - were to spoil your brother and his fiancee's wedding day... Oh dear.

Person_one

Lancslass1982 wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses - both viewpoints. However, I'm just having a hard time getting past the fact that he had a private dance. I specifically told him that the stripper at the hen do paid full attention to the bride-to-be and the other hens just watched, so if it's "tit for tat" then not only is that pathetic but he went way too far. I'm afraid, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I believe that I should be the only naked woman that close to him and sadly I feel really let down and quite disgusted. I feel like he had no respect for me or my feelings. Sad situation really.

I'm afraid I think you're right. Tell me if I'm right, if you'd told him how upset you were and he'd apologised profusely, told you he would never have done it if he'd known how you felt and promised to never do it again, you wouldn't feel nearly as bad, would you?

The fact that he knows you feel devastated by his actions but doesn't really seem bothered is the problem.

Lancslass1982

^ (under ruthnjasper) He knew my brother before we got together, but if we were not together, would not have been invited to the stag do, nor the wedding. I am a bridesmaid and my bf is supposed to be driving me and the bride to the wedding location.

snozberry

I've been to see male strippers when out with the girls and I have always cringed with embarrassment and prayed to the gods that they don't drag me on stage. The things they do! Shoving girls heads in their pants and waving their elastic band clad willies in their faces. yuk! What I found more cringe worthy was the behaviour of the women there. Some thought nothing of groping the men. At least, there is a no touch policy in a lap dancing club.

And yes, I went through free will.

Now, my fella has been to lap dancing clubs with his mates and, before meeting me, has paid for dances. If he paid for a dance now then it wouldn't bother me because I am secure in fact that our relationship is fine and dandy. Plus, I know that it is me who he goes home with/to.

They have strict policies in lap dancing clubs and it is all fantasy. Seriously, most of those girls do have a choice as to whether they work there or not. They aren't brothels where some poor girls are enslaved, may have addictions or nasty p1mps to contend with. Where there is choice is degradation really an argument? Do male strippers degrade themselves? Some of the girls who work in the high end clubs earn a lot of money.

Anyway, before I continue to waffle on, does he know how much this upsets you? Was the dance a one off? Are you both on the same page?

janninew

I'd be cross as well OP, fair enough them all going to a strip club and watching from afar as you did, but a private dance with just the 2 of them seems very intimate in my opinion.

I've always thought it a strange tradition, you've find the person you love and want to marry, so what do you to celebrate the forthcoming marriage, go and watch a naked lady/man dance in the nadge!! :rotfl:

Person_one

snozberry wrote: »

Where there is choice is degradation really an argument?

Yes, you said it yourself, that woman dancing is just an object to your OH, just a body to ogle and use as an aid to arousal, not a person. That's the reason you're ok with it, after all.

Lancslass1982

Person_one wrote: »

I'm afraid I think you're right. Tell me if I'm right, if you'd told him how upset you were and he'd apologised profusely, told you he would never have done it if he'd known how you felt and promised to never do it again, you wouldn't feel nearly as bad, would you?

The fact that he knows you feel devastated by his actions but doesn't really seem bothered is the problem.

Yes partly. I also feel (and maybe I'm just an idealist) that if he was the right guy for me, he would think twice before doing something like that. I'm not saying the right guy would be perfect. I'm sure he'd still leave wet towels on the floor, not notice every time I had my hair cut, etc, etc. However, I'm looking for someone who won't let any other naked woman writhe on him and not choose some random friend's stag do over an important birthday of mine. Is that too much to ask? I'm looking for proper love and I don't think I have that!

snozberry

Person_one wrote: »

Yes, you said it yourself, that woman dancing is just an object to your OH, just a body to ogle and use as an aid to arousal, not a person. That's the reason you're ok with it, after all.

Where did I say that? Please enlighten me.