"He is dying..."

londonsurrey

ROFL. They are obviously fantasising about having a nice traditional funeral with all the trimmings, their day in black and a nice knees up in the free bar pub after, with you footing the bill.

Obviously their imagination hasn't stretched to the fact that the person with final say over the funeral arrangements has so many non-traditional options...

I hope this raises a smile on you at a horribly pressured time.

GobbledyGook

Savvy Sue - I'm going to speak to my solicitor in the morning. I'm actually a bit thrown by reading online that it could be that if he dies with no will, no parents, no wife and no other children I could be his NOK.


Surely I can't be held responsible to pay for the funeral of the man who treated me so horrifically there was actually a court order preventing him from coming near me when I was a child?

He has a house. That can pay for it.

Right, I'm going to bed and not thinking about this anymore. I will NOT let them drag me down with this. I just wish I could rewind 3 years and have my simple, plain life back. Though only if I could still have my baby boy too.

marleyboy

OP - there is no Law that states specifically that you HAVE to go to the hospital, or indeed contact the hospital. It would take the police to drag me there kicking and screaming if I had to see my dad as the NOK.

You did not ask to be his NOK, you did not sign any agreements to state that you are his NOK, you are not committed to do anything about it. Why let his family or him stress you out like this after all these Years. Its not your problem, its his own problem and his families problem. He gave up any rights on you Years ago.

Dont let them upset you or bother you. If it takes being more firm with these txts do it, tell them to Fork Cough it that's what it takes.

HeatherintheHills

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Nearly 40 texts I've had today. Their latest line is "you are the legal NOK so you'll have to come to the hospital".

After your text to them the day before telling them that you would not change your mind about seeing him? That is disgusting. :mad:

Do talk to our solicitor, don't let the whole NOK thing worry you. From the way his sisters are behaving they probably do want you to foot the bill for the funeral why they claim the house for themselves.

They are involving themselves, they are "taking care" of things, he isn't there in hospital without relatives around him so block their phone numbers and let them get on with it. Evil b!tches!

andygb

This thread is very similar to a situation which I may face in the next year (probably very much sooner). We have a relation, who distanced themselves from the family, never visited anyone, did not go to any of her niece's/nephew's weddings, and basically was nowhere to be seen.
However, for some reason, my father and sister seem to think, that my OH and myself have some obligation towards this person - "because they are family".
I have tried to explain, that if people decide to distance themselves, then that is their decision, and they have to deal with the consequences.
I think that the OP is taking the right stance here, look after yourself and people around you who you care for.

thehappybutterfly

Can someone tell me what happens if someone dies and nobody takes responsibility for the funeral arrangements? I'm assuming they would get the equivalent of a "paupers grave"? This sort of thing must happen all the time - unclaimed unidentified bodies.

Gemma - I'd be worried as well if you were identified as NOK that you HAD to step up and make the arrangements. Over my dead body if you'll pardon the pun! If you refuse, what would happen?

marleyboy

OP does not HAVE to step up - she can refuse to do anything about funeral arrangements and there is nothing anyone can do to make her. What arrangements are made regarding the funeral is not OPs problem, he could be rolled up in a carpet and taken to the local dump for all the OP cares.

csnann

As far as I know, if someone dies without anyone to arrange a funeral the Council will do it, and then reclaim the expenses from the dead persons estate. So don't worry about being stuck with the bill, the Council can make the evil aunts sell the house if they won't pay!

Florence22

csnann wrote: »

As far as I know, if someone dies without anyone to arrange a funeral the Council will do it, and then reclaim the expenses from the dead persons estate. So don't worry about being stuck with the bill, the Council can make the evil aunts sell the house if they won't pay!

This is correct.
I once looked after an elderly neighbour who was estranged from his daughter and who died in hospital without a penny to his name and no assets.

His daughter begged me to tell the hospital, that she could not afford and didn't want to pay for her father's funeral. She hadn't had any contact with him for years.
The hospital contacted the Local Authority who organised a basic (but dignified, I know as I attended), funeral for him. LAs have an obligation to do so.

OP, I too am sorry that you are being harassed and stressed by these people. The only reason they are so persistent is that they want you to foot the bill for their dead relative, otherwise why continue to plague you?
No one suffering true grief and distress at the bedside of a dying loved one would have the time, far less the incination to harass anyone via 40 texts in one morning, they are disgusting.

Please rest assured, you will not have to pay for this man's funeral. I hope you find some peace and quiet and a return to normailty very soon.

Best wishes xx

GobbledyGook

Thank you for all your help.

I have spoken to my solicitor this morning and letters are winging their way to him, his two sisters and the hospice stating that I have no contact with him, should not be listed anywhere as his NOK and that I have no wish to be contacted by any of them again. The first 3 letters also have a warning about harassing me and listing the dates and times of the 5 texts that I have sent to them stating every time that I do not wish to be contacted. It was suggested putting this in as it shows that I have kept them, there is a record and hopefully will make them take it seriously.

Hopefully that'll be an end to it.

Thanks again for all the advice and support. Gemma x