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"He is dying..."
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How about sending a photograph of your children?
Maybe, he does not even deserve that kindness for how he has treated you. Only you know the true situation and therefore whether it would be appropiate or not.
No. He may be my biological father, but he is nothing to my children.
He doesn't deserve any kindness. I'm not saying "I'm not sending that out of spite", but my children are nothing to him. He's never met them nor showed any interest in them. It's all just a big power game and I'm just not playing.
Nearly 40 texts I've had today. Their latest line is "you are the legal NOK so you'll have to come to the hospital".0 -
40 texts, gosh:heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.0
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I know. My daughter was at a birthday party and I gave my mobile number to the Mum as the contact so I couldn't even turn it off. I could have kicked myself for being such a dafty!0
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Even if that were true, and they needed someone to identify him (which I presume they don't) then it does not HAVE to be the NOK who identifies a body. I can see no good reason for you to respond to this.GobbledyGook wrote: »Nearly 40 texts I've had today. Their latest line is "you are the legal NOK so you'll have to come to the hospital".Signature removed for peace of mind0 -
GobbledyGook wrote: »No. He may be my biological father, but he is nothing to my children.
He doesn't deserve any kindness. I'm not saying "I'm not sending that out of spite", but my children are nothing to him. He's never met them nor showed any interest in them. It's all just a big power game and I'm just not playing.
Nearly 40 texts I've had today. Their latest line is "you are the legal NOK so you'll have to come to the hospital".
That's even more of a reason not to respond...
It's not on telling you that you have to do it...Stuff that...
Your babies are your family..
I think you are a bit old to be told what to do..
Reminds me of what my Dad did once..
When I was 24 I was married with two babies, my bio father turned up unannounced, he wanted me as his skivvy..
Bearing in mind he hadn't raised me or protected me, he'd moved to another country and told me after...
It was a few days before he was due to go home when a freind asked if I wanted to go clubbing in Leeds, i said yes my Dad went spare and told me I wasn't allowed out..
I nearly peed myself laughing, hubby was looking after kids, it was my house and I was 24 years old !!!!!!..
He said if I went out he wouldn't be there when I got back, I said 'ok then enjoy your flight'..
He then backed down and said I had to be in by midnight er no...
At 1am my phone was going he wanted to know where I was...
I crawled in at 3.30am..
And yes my Dad was still there..
I lost a child just after this incident and I had a memorial tree in the garden for her, he backed his car into her tree, then couldn't see the problem...
Needless to say a few years later I moved house and forgot to tell him where I was going..I always take the moral high ground, it's lovely up here...0 -
You don't have to go to hospital.
In fact, there's something else to consider here. If he is actually dying, and you've already made the decision not to get in touch, then it will probably be financially astute not to get in touch.
If you act as the NOK, then if his estate is not enough to cover the funeral costs, then not only will the family be baying for you to pay, eventually the authorities will try to get you to pay too.
As you have not got an ongoing relationship with him, and don't want to try to claim on his estate, you are in an excellent position to be able to say that you are not responsible for his debts. Stick to your guns.0 -
Even if that were true, and they needed someone to identify him (which I presume they don't) then it does not HAVE to be the NOK who identifies a body. I can see no good reason for you to respond to this.
They are saying that if "decisions need to be made" I'll have to be there.
I know EXACTLY where they are going with it and they can go whistle. Their opinion will be that if I am NOK then I'll have to foot the bill for the funeral. They are a family of drunks and drugs addicts who live on hire purchase (although he personally owns a house courtesy of his mother). They will also want him buried with my mother and brother and that isn't going to happen either.
I said to my ex/oh after the very first text that this is where they would head with it.0 -
Crossposts londonsurrey - I'm glad it's not just me being very sceptical about where this situation is going!0
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Even if they say you are the legal next of kin, please stick to your guns.0
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You might want to phone the hospital, maybe not the ward itself but I bet there's a bereavement office. Check whether you are in fact named as NOK, and if you are, state that you are not willing to act as such, will not be taking responsibility for the funeral, and require no further contact.
Then change your phone no. or block their numbers.
Actually, could you do this via your solicitor?Signature removed for peace of mind0
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