"He is dying..."

GobbledyGook

HeatherintheHills wrote: »

Gemma, your Nana and Grandad sound absolutely amazing. When you think of what they must have gone through in reaching the decision to get you and your brother away from your father, even though that meant taking you away from their own daughter, then following through with it. Wow, that must have been heart breaking for them, but they put you and your brother first. What fantastic people and true family they were.

From your posts here I'd say you completely vindicated their actions and then some. You are a true credit to the family that counts. The rest of them can go stuff themselves.

You are showing great respect in considering scattering his ashes in the garden of remembrance if it comes to it. I'm not sure I'd be able to find that level of compassion if I were in your shoes. I'd be seriously tempted by the dog poo bin option, there is a poetic justice to that one.

They didn't actually think about it :rotfl:

They knew we weren't being cared for how they'd like, but didn't realise completely how poor it was. They surprised my parents one weekend and were utterly horrified. A throwaway comment from my brother whilst out for lunch (we didn't normally get lunch on a weekend) broke my grandmothers heart and they just took us. They were terrified for the rest of the weekend they'd get arrested.

The situation with my mother broke their hearts. I pray I'm never in anything like that situation, but if I ever was I hope I'm as strong as they were. My father was banned from their home. My mother was welcome as long as she was sober and not high. She could visit anytime for a bath or a meal, but was asked to leave anytime she asked for money. They would buy shopping or an electricity card if needed. I'm just glad they are not here to be put through anymore by them, but equally wish more than anything they were here to back me up.


Cremating him and scattering his ashes in the garden wouldn't be that respectful. He hates cremations and the idea of being scattered somewhere with no grand headstone would horrify him. I'm not that nice - if you asked him and his family his worst nightmare regarding a funeral/burial that would be it :rotfl:

onlyroz

If you do end up inheriting anything, perhaps you should give it to your favourite charity - that way the poisonous aunts won't end up profiting from his death.

GobbledyGook

onlyroz wrote: »

If you do end up inheriting anything, perhaps you should give it to your favourite charity - that way the poisonous aunts won't end up profiting from his death.

You've made a similar point to my ex-H. He has suggested that instead of declining anything I could donate it to a drugs or domestic violence charity.

I think it might all be a moot point. If there was no debt or anything attached to the house then I think they would have kept quiet and somehow pocketed the money or lived in the house or something. The fact that they are pestering me to pay for a funeral suggests to me that there's not going to be anything left after his debts are paid. Ex-H reckons they are just greedy and would be trying to get me to pay even if there was millions in the pot.

scooby088

I guess we were in a different situation that my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and when certain members of the family wanted to say their farewells my mom still being strong willed got a message to them and told them that she neither wanted them anywhere near the house and she would never accept their apologies.

My advice to OP is if you don't feel comfortable going then just say a polite no.