"He is dying..."

GobbledyGook

A wee update on this one. The letters have had pretty much the desired effect. One of the Aunts has sent a few texts since receiving the letter, but I've just ignored them. They've been updates on his health which I'm just not interested in. I got one from the other Aunt stating that she'll be 'fighting all the way' to ensure I don't get a penny from his estate which just shows their true thoughts really.

I've finished up in my job and I'm looking forward to a nice trip to spend some time with my cousin and her family (including her gorgeous new baby) and just having a nice summer with my children before I get panicky about not having a job lol!

Thanks again for all your help and advice. Gemma x

mountainofdebt

If they continue harassing you about organising a funeral then send them a copy of the euology / notice that you will have no hesitation in giving / have printed - hopefully THAT will focus their minds on the fact that a) you no longer wish to have contact with him and b) to stop harassing you

paddy's_mum

GobbledyGook wrote: »

the other Aunt stating that she'll be 'fighting all the way' to ensure I don't get a penny from his estate

How very arrogant of her!

Unless she is prepared to commit blatant offences like stealing his body, burning a will (and crossing her fingers that the solicitor hasn't retained a copy of it or his original notes) or taking a bulldozer to his house, exactly how does she plan to ensure that, then?

The more gobbledygook (sorry .. ) that comes out of their mouths, the more GobbledyGook's attitudes, beliefs and actions are vindicated.

nixe

hi have read this with interest as i am in the same situation,
in my case i went last sunday to see dad have not been to his for 22 years, and nothing had changed much.
but after every excuse i could think off on the day in not going i finally went.
for me it helped as he was appologitic of a lot of things.
i did it for me its funny though its only when they are dying do they become almost human.
you have to do what is right for you.

GobbledyGook

Paddy's Mum - there is no will according to previous texts where they want me to pay for the funeral. I expect one will magically appear now.

nixe - Sorry you are in the same boat, but I'm glad it helped you. I don't think even death will make him more human. It's not as though I've been getting texts saying "he wants to say sorry" or "He is sorry" it's all been "He wants to meet his grandchildren" and all about his 'rights'. All how wrong I am for "denying a dying man". Also a few choice comments about how I seen my mother when she was dying and she was just as bad as him.

I will be changing my number after he dies. I would rather they had an outlet for bothering me now than being tempted to try and find my door to bother me. I also want to make sure there is no attempts from them to get him buried with my mother and brother.

Mojisola

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Paddy's Mum - there is no will according to previous texts where they want me to pay for the funeral. I expect one will magically appear now.

If there's no will and they are saying that you are the next of kin, is it because you are first in line in the intestacy list - https://www.youngandpearce.co.uk/intestrules.htm

mountainofdebt

OP

Whilst 100% understand where you are coming from with respects to the NOK business, it may be worth finding out what exactly this means.

The reason I say this is that (as far as I know) anyone can be listed as NOK in a hospital but I was always under the impression that that meant that the NOK were the ones that the hospital staff could discuss treatment / condition of the patient with as well as being the first point of contact in an emergency.

However as far as NOK with funeral undertakers are concerned, I think its a different definition.

The reason I say this is that the bit that my FIL took up with was listed as his NOK when he was in hospital but when it came to discussing where he was to be buried, it was what OH and SIL wanted that mattered (apparently bit's face was a picture when the undertaker informed her that it was what SIL and OH wanted that mattered not her)

What I am saying (and I reiterate about fully understanding your reasons why) is by not being NOK at the hospital will there be a chance that you're out of the funeral arrangements loop (and again I fully appreciate where you are coming from) and you won't know where he is going to be buried until its too late?

Mojisola

mountainofdebt wrote: »

However as far as NOK with funeral undertakers are concerned, I think its a different definition.

The reason I say this is that the bit that my FIL took up with was listed as his NOK when he was in hospital but when it came to discussing where he was to be buried, it was what OH and SIL wanted that mattered (apparently bit's face was a picture when the undertaker informed her that it was what SIL and OH wanted that mattered not her)

You can name anyone you want to be considered your NOK when you're asked by the hospital.

The funeral directors will normally take instructions from whoever registered the death. If there are arguments and no spouse, they will usually give precedence to blood relations.

Being the nearest blood relation does not make you responsible for sorting out the funeral or anything else.

It will put you top of the list for inheriting from an intestate estate.

nixe

I also want to make sure there is no attempts from them to get him buried with my mother and brother.

sorry to hear you had both parents bad.[ sorry if i got it wrong and thats your dads opinon of your mum ]
my mum i loved and no way on earth would i allow him to be with her when he goes an it should be soon.
your dad is still showing its all about him, surpose my dad is too as he is not and never has been interested in the grandkids,
i know if i would have been getting those texts then i would not have gone,
i do wonder if my dad is worried as to what we do with his body after he has gone the way i felt i would have left him in the morgue.

mountainofdebt

Mojisola wrote: »

The funeral directors will normally take instructions from whoever registered the death. If there are arguments and no spouse, they will usually give precedence to blood relations.

This is what I mean Mojisola - if GG is out of the loop is there a danger that her aunts will bury her dad with her mum & brother ut of pure spite?