"He is dying..."

thehappybutterfly

My brother went to my dad's bedside when he was dying in hospital and, oh god, this still upsets me so much........ when he turned up, our dad said to him "You. Get out of here. I have my wife (our step mother) with me and that's all I need". How could he do something like that? Our brother was the only one of us who made the effort with him all those years and tried to be the better person and it was thrown back in his face. And maybe that's why he's the one with the most mental health issues - my sisters and I refused to have anything to do with our dad and stepmum a long time ago and we were totally unmoved my our dad's death.

I always remember an incident when we were younger (my brother and me and the youngest one), my dad lined us up against his bedroom wall while our stepmother sat in their bed smoking and said to us "Now you get this straight. My second wife comes before my first wife or any of my children and don't you forget it". I was maybe 12, my brother 17 and my sister 10/11. We were never hit or starved but my god, we knew we were certainly not wanted or loved.

Families. Who needs them?

HeatherintheHills

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I don't believe you lose your evilness if you have it.

I 100% agree with this.

In some ways I'm glad I know. I've been a little surprised, but very pleased at how little it has affected me. I'm tougher than I thought which is great All the work in counselling back before has paid off.

That is a really good to realise about yourself, take great strength from that knowledge

Ellejmorgan

Blood may be thicker than water but so is oil...

pink68

My Mum passed away 6 years ago and was astounded at the people that 'came out of the woodwork' as she put it.

She didnt want them visiting, they weren't true friends, but they turned up when they heard she didnt have long. When my cousins turned up (who had never done anything for anybody except themselves, to that day or since) she suggested they wanted to gawp or felt guilty.

It just drained her.

If you dont want to see him, dont go. And certainly dont let your children see him. It won't help and may in fact just cause more trouble for you.

Good luck
x

DUKE

I know this isn't the same but a few years ago a neighbour died & 2 other neighbours came round to collect for the flowers. Now this woman never had a good word to say about anyone, she was absolutely vile! I know that most people thought this too. So when the neighbours knocked on my door for money I just could not give them anything. I had to tell them that I never liked the woman & I wasn't putting towards the collection. I saw the shock in their faces & for a about 10 minutes afterwards I felt guilty, & wanted to chase after them & give them a donation as I thought everyone would think what a s**t I was. But I didn't, I stuck to my guns. You must do the same.

catkins

My OH had a pretty awful childhood and has had no contact with his mum for over a year. He only ever had contact because of his dad (he did not get on great with him but he was nowhere near as nasty as his mum). Once his dad died his mum became even more nasty and vindictive than ever.

If we were to get a call saying she was ill he would not visit and has no intention of going to her funeral. I have always said I would never go to her funeral but would dance on her grave. Nasty yes but not as nasty as she has always been to OH and to me since we met.

When people say to me "blood is thicker than water" or "you only have one mum" it really annoys me

meritaten

jumpingjackd wrote: »

Am only going by what has been posted already! Noone is taking it away from you that is recent and still hurting, I know that only too well too my cost,
My post wast not meant as a critisicm only an observation that sometimes you have to be in a situation to truly understand all the consequences.

Sorry if that you offended you

No, it didnt offend me. I was merely pointing out that some people may not have wished to post details of thier own situations - and even those who havent been in the situation are entitled to a point of view. as are you.

lilymay1

I think my OH will have this problem in years to come - not with his parents (they are both deceased, although that is perhaps the best place for them), but with his 'brother'. I use the term loosely. No person I know would behave the way my husband's brother has towards his own family.

One thing that haunts me to this day was my decision to allow the b@stard to hold my dying daughter. The things we do in grief eh? I do, however, take great comfort in knowing he will never meet my son, and I know how much that kills him. The best thing that could happen to my family would be for the idiot to get hit by a bus, along with his revolting wife.

I digress. OP, I would echo the advice given by everyone else. You've made your decision, stick to it and focus on the positive things in your life.

PoorCharleyBear

My father died 10 years ago.

He had nothing to do with any of his offspring for many years (me- not since I was 13). Suddenly he was diagnosed with cancer and wanted his children at his bedside (the same ones he had mistreated).

I was asked to return to see him from overseas, which seemed completely pointless. He died, I did not go to his funeral as I had no need to say goodbye. Our lives diverged when I was still a kid.

I did wonder if I might regret my lack of compassion in years to come but can confirm that I have absolutely no regrets.

Dying does not make a horrible, nasty person a saint. No idea why everyone assumes it might.

Do what you think is right OP and don't let the guilt of others make you go against your beliefs.

pearl123

[QUOTE=GobbledyGook;54331239Their_dying_wish_is_to_meet_my_children_[/QUOTE]


How about sending a photograph of your children?

Maybe, he does not even deserve that kindness for how he has treated you. Only you know the true situation and therefore whether it would be appropiate or not.