Am I being over sensitive ?

shellsuit

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

The OP has admitted that hubby isn't that bothered about the kids, that's the point...

So if he can't be bothered, why on earth should she?!

The majority of people on this thread have jumped all over the OP, said she is selfish, is this and is that, yet she is actually doing something for those children, when her OH, like you've said, isn't really bothered.

Surely she should be commended in the way she is with the children in general, not condemned for one blinkin' night where, shock horror, they have to sleep in their own beds?!

shellsuit

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

I agree i'm not one of the ones that has critisized her involvement with the kids,
I do think she needs to work on her finances and think a little more outside the box though..

Personally I think hubby needs a boot up the bottom and take control of the situation...

Oh Yes you have, you said she should do this and that, buy this and that, stop feeling this way and act in this way.

OP has done nothing wrong at all, from where I'm sat.

Money is tight for a lot of people, she might have 27p in her purse but the bills might be upto date and she might have a kitchen full of food, so how does that mean she has to work on her finances?

Sometimes we don't have money left over after everything else is paid out/bought. So long as we have what we NEED, until next payday, that's all that matters.

Ellejmorgan

shellsuit wrote: »

Oh Yes you have, you said she should do this and that, buy this and that, stop feeling this way and act in this way.

OP has done nothing wrong at all, from where I'm sat.

Money is tight for a lot of people, she might have 27p in her purse but the bills might be upto date and she might have a kitchen full of food, so how does that mean she has to work on her finances?

Sometimes we don't have money left over after everything else is paid out/bought. So long as we have what we NEED, until next payday, that's all that matters.

Rubbish she asked for advice and got it...
Not the same as being critisized is it..

Yes money is tight for everyone, but as a parent you still have to make sure you have a reserve, something to fall back on too much can go wrong when you have kids...

Errata

shellsuit wrote: »

So if he can't be bothered, why on earth should she?

Because she's a better parent? Because just because he's a !!!!!! doesn't mean she has to match him?
Women know that some men will behave badly towards their children given the chance, and realise they have to ensure any kids in their extended family have as good an experience of being parented as possible. If that means a step-mum has to do it, so what?

Sambucus_Nigra

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

Rubbish she asked for advice and got it...
Not the same as being critisized is it..

She actually asked for a virtual hug or two.

I think you may have issues with reading and understanding things up there on that high horse!

GobbledyGook

I do love how saying something that the OP didn't want to hear is "jumping all over her". Especially when the opening post didn't have any information about plans often being changed by the mother or her husband not being bothered.

That's the thing with public posts - you get people's opinion rather than solely being told "Oh yes, you are so right".

FWIW as someone being accused of "jumping" on the OP I don't think I did anything of the sort.

I also think it's completely irrelevant how often the mother changes plans at short notice - two wrongs don't make a right. Plans for the children shouldn't be changed last minute.

There's many ways of making the situation work without the OP's son giving up his bed - the children have the OP's bed, let the children 'camp' on the floor, post on freecycle for camp beds, let the children sleep on the sofa etc.

I do wish it would be make clear in an opening post when someone only wants agreement - would save time in replying when they are simply going to ignore it or accuse you of jumping on them.

Sambucus_Nigra

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I do wish it would be make clear in an opening post when someone only wants agreement - would save time in replying when they are simply going to ignore it or accuse you of jumping on them.

She was quite clear that all she wanted was a virtual hug.

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I do love how saying something that the OP didn't want to hear is "jumping all over her". Especially when the opening post didn't have any information about plans often being changed by the mother

She did make it clear that the mother changed the plans...it's within these words quoted...

'My rant is about the way my oh reacted when I asked him to ask his ex if this would be ok for just this week, he immediately said but what if she has plans !

my answer to this was well what about all the times she has changed the arrangements at the drop of a hat when we have been scheduled to have them. '

It's a shame that people always always side with the natural mother SWMBOs without reading the actual words written by people.

GobbledyGook

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

'

It's a shame that people always always side with the natural mother SWMBOs without reading the actual words written by people.

Most people were siding with the children

SingleSue

I suppose my post would be seen as 'jumping' on her too....

I was just taking a practical view on how it COULD work having all of them and the son still having his bedroom and putting a positive slant to it.

In short, I was being supportive to the OP by trying to suggest ways where all offspring could be catered for at no cost to the OP and with no disappointment to the younger children.

I did not condemn her or say she was being unfair, merely trying to, as someone who uses workarounds as a standard, help her come up with a solution so that everyone is happy.

Jinx

IMO some of the posts have been harsh on the OP. As a step mother its a difficult situation even in established relationships sometimes and she obviously cares for all the children. This appears to be a short notice situation and with the best will in the world no-one can prepare for all eventualities. (although she may well plan for this scenario in the future now!)

Sometimes plans have to be changed - its a feature of life and IMO children who are loved, cared for and valued would not object to being at dads during the day and in their own beds at their mothers rather that evening. I of course assume the parents can have a civilised conversation...