Am I being over sensitive ?

shellsuit

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Her oldest son doesn't live there! He also has a bed somewhere else!

Same as the OH's kids then?

Ellejmorgan

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

That's better. :T:T:T

Once more with feeling though.

I tried couldn't bring myself to do it

Elle7

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Where does it say he is an adult?

Just as an aside, people did ask for this to be clarified.

I would presume he is an adult because the OP said next time he would go out for the night but he can't afford to this time - suggesting he is old enough to be both allowed out all night, and to have his own finances.

If he is an adult, he could easily solve the situation by staying the night before or after. Maybe it's not his situation to solve, but it would be hugely beneficial for his mum, and stop any potential issues with the other children's mother.

As for the other children having a bed elsewhere - they may or may not. Technically, that night every month, their bed is at their fathers. If their mother is out, they do not have an alternative bed that night unless she changes her plans (which she may or may not do). It sounds as if the OPs son does have a home, and can go back that night, so it's just the simplest solution.

The other solutions are to get sleeping bags/cot beds/make a tent in the living room/use the sofas....I don't have kids but I can easily put friends toddlers up for the night if needs be, just using household objects and some imagination. They are two. Sleeping bags or a duvet on the floor at daddy's house would probably thrill them.

Errata

shellsuit wrote: »

Same as the OH's kids then?

Well, yes, you're right. But the point is the son and OP expect everyone to fall in line at the drop of a hat with his wish for a bed, no matter what standing arrangements have been in place for some time about who sleeps where.

shellsuit

Elle7 wrote: »

Just as an aside, people did ask for this to be clarified.

I would presume he is an adult because the OP said next time he would go out for the night but he can't afford to this time - suggesting he is old enough to be both allowed out all night, and to have his own finances.

If he is an adult, he could easily solve the situation by staying the night before or after. Maybe it's not his situation to solve, but it would be hugely beneficial for his mum, and stop any potential issues with the other children's mother.

He's staying there for the time being isn't he? He's not staying at his Mums for just one night.

It just happens that he's there on one night when the OH's kids are meant to stay over.

shellsuit

Errata wrote: »

Well, yes, you're right. But the point is the son and OP expect everyone to fall in line at the drop of a hat with his wish for a bed, no matter what standing arrangements have been in place for some time about who sleeps where.

What exactly is the problem?

Things change, people adadpt, it's a one off, it's not going to harm or injure the kids if they go see Daddy and then go back home to their own beds is it?

Those children already have a home and a bedroom and a bed.

The OP's son, for whatever reason, has gone back home, and obviously, for whatever reason, doesn't have the bed he had before that, or maybe he does but he can't go back there to stay, hence why he's staying with his Mum.



Honestly, you'd think the OP and her son wanted to poke the other kids with sh!tty sticks or something!

Mrs_Arcanum

Errata wrote: »

Well, yes, you're right. But the point is the son and OP expect everyone to fall in line at the drop of a hat with his wish for a bed, no matter what standing arrangements have been in place for some time about who sleeps where.

Just like the ex can change plans at the drop of a hat and expects the OP & partner to fall in line.

It does work both ways you know.

Elle7

shellsuit wrote: »

He's staying there for the time being isn't he? He's not staying at his Mums for just one night.

It just happens that he's there on one night when the OH's kids are meant to stay over.

Yep, re-reading the op it does say he is staying for a few weeks. It also refers to him as "they" though, rather then "him".

In that case, they knew that on this particular night the other children would be there. They asked to change the arrangements less than a week before, by the look of it.

Perhaps OP could give him some money to go out for the night, or put him up in a hotel?

The situation isn't fair, at all, but life isn't. So the only way to look at it is that the other children were booked in for that night already, and if they really can't accommodate all the children, the last one to arrange has to make different plans. The hotel, so to speak, is already full.

I appreciate that the OP says she only wants a change this time, but it wasnt done in time. Arrangements needed to be made earler, so everyone knew where they stood.

What is your advice going to be if the other children cannot go home for whatever reason? Don't forget that their mum only gets one night off a month, so it isn't unthinkable that she goes out and does something on it. If they can't get back to their own beds, what happens then?

Person_one

Person_one wrote: »

I'd have been a lot more understanding if the posting pattern hadn't gone like this:

OP: Why is it ok for birth mum to mess them around?

Others: Well, it isn't, but that's not under your control

OP: Why is it ok for birth mum to mess them around but not me?

Others: It isn't ok, for either of you

OP: So it looks like everybody thinks its ok for birth mum to mess the kids around but terrible if I mess them around

Others: Um, no, we don't think its ok

OP: I just think its terrible that its considered ok for birth mum to mess them around but not a stepmum.

Ad nauseum.

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Just like the ex can change plans at the drop of a hat and expects the OP & partner to fall in line.

It does work both ways you know.

Not you too!

thatgirlsam

shellsuit wrote: »

Same as the OH's kids then?

Er yeh? That was my point!!

But... he's not 2 years old.