Am I being over sensitive ?

Ellejmorgan

mumps wrote: »

Lots of people were talking about how important routine is and in our culture it seems to be valued. Not all cultures feel routine is important in bringing children up. I have spent some time with tribal people, not really relevant why when or who, but their babies were strapped onto the mother fed when they wanted to, went to bed when mom did, got passed to older sisters, grandmothers etc as and when. When parents were socialising children went along and would just lie down and go to sleep when they wanted to. When it was time to go home the children would be woken, usually with cold water splashed on the face, and then walked home. I never saw a child being sent to bed or told it was bedtime, children went to bed when they were tired, no fuss. Relatives might visit and one of their children might get left behind with Grandmother or aunt and equally they might take one or two extra back with them for a visit. Like I said, no routine.

None of those children seemed to be damaged by a life that was flexible to say the least. I don't think the 2 year olds will suffer greatly by visiting dad and then going home, after all this is what they do three weeks out of four.

Of course tribal people don't have to worry about routine, they don't have to be at work at 9am, get the kids to school, or have any form of routine at all..the kids aren't in school, they don't have anywhere near the same type of life as us.
In our culture we run by the clock, if we are late we get the sack, if we miss an appointment with the docs we eventually get taken off the list..

Your argument is very weak and feeble and not relevant to whats being discussed...

Sambucus_Nigra

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

Of course tribal people don't have to worry about routine, they don't have to be at work at 9am, get the kids to school, or have any form of routine at all..the kids aren't in school, they don't have anywhere near the same type of life as us.
In our culture we run by the clock, if we are late we get the sack, if we miss an appointment with the docs we eventually get taken off the list..

Your argument is very weak and feeble and not relevant to whats being discussed...

So you are saying that spending an unplanned night in their own beds will do what to them? Exactly? In terms of routine in the wider context?

[Tribal people do have routines, by the way. They have seasonal routines, they are not savages.]

flyonthewall_2

emweaver wrote: »

So she tells us but going by how childish she has been on this thread alone and refusing to answer questions I am not sure I believe that.

I have not refused to answer questions, as someone said I don't have to explain myself. I was asked questions about my son and I gave an explanation about why my son needed his room without divulging specific information about him, which is frankly no ones buisness. He may be poorly, he may have depression, he may have a disability, there could be a load of reasons why he needs his room but this is private and personal and tbh wasn't the original issue !

The original issue was how my oh reacted !

I repeat what I said earlier the fact is he is my son, he needed to be home and needed his space, those are the facts nothing else should matter.

As I said this thread wasn't about the kids

but it has got me thinking and tbh after weighing everything up my son and daughter are my no 1 priority, they come before me and my oh, I have gone without food to make sure they have been fed before ( as I am sure many other mothers have ) I gave birth to them, and it is my role as mum to love them, protect them and give them safe haven no matter what. They are my no 1 priority above all else in this world. And it will always be this way, slate me for this if you will but is the way it is.

flyonthewall_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Her oldest son doesn't live there! He also has a bed somewhere else!

Just needed to clarify this bit though NO he dosn't !

Person_one

flyonthewall wrote: »

Just needed to clarify this bit though NO he dosn't !

Ok, then as I asked earlier, if this is a regular arrangement every month, and your son lives there, this must have come up before! Why is this one night different?

I'm sorry, I just don't understand.

flyonthewall_2

Person_one wrote: »

Eh?

Could you clarify, your ex was allowed to see them but now he isn't?

Yes my ex used to see them but became violent towards me, was forcebly removed from my home by the police in front of my screaming 4 year old daughter, so is no longer allowed to see them. Is that clarification enough for you

Person_one

flyonthewall wrote: »

Yes my ex used to see them but became violent towards me, was forcebly removed from my home by the police in front of my screaming 4 year old daughter, so is no longer allowed to see them. Is that clarification enough for you

Yes, that clears it up, thanks.

flyonthewall_2

Person_one wrote: »

Ok, then as I asked earlier, if this is a regular arrangement every month, and your son lives there, this must have come up before! Why is this one night different?

I'm sorry, I just don't understand.

Really !!! Ok I will repeat, he was away, then he needed to come home asap. ( I'm not explaining why ) He is my son and needed me. Its that simple.

Person_one

flyonthewall wrote: »

Really !!! Ok I will repeat, he was away, then he needed to come home asap. ( I'm not explaining why ) He is my son and needed me. Its that simple.

You don't need to be so aggressive. It was unclear.

This is going to come up every month then, so you need a better long term solution than not having the little ones over. May as well start as you mean to go on and deal with it this month.

I hope you worked something out anyway.

flyonthewall_2

Person_one wrote: »

You don't need to be so aggressive. It was unclear.

This is going to come up every month then, so you need a better long term solution than not having the little ones over. May as well start as you mean to go on and deal with it this month.

I hope you worked something out anyway.

I wasn't being aggressive, I was however annoyed at keep having to answer personal questions, just to have to justify myself to people. That is all .