Am I being over sensitive ?

flyonthewall_2

Hey all, just wanted a good rant really won't talk to friends as I find friends getting involved in relationship stuff can be not such a good thing ( through past experience )

Anyhow back to rant !

My oh has 4 children by his ex and I have 1 child at home with us, he lives with me.

Our arrangement for the children is that we have his children every weekend on a Sat, and once a month on one of these Saturdays they will all also stay over.

So this Sat is all staying over weekend, but my eldest has returned home for a few weeks and just for this Sat I have asked if it would be ok if only the 2 older children stay over as we have only the room for 2.

The younger 2 are not old enough to really realise they will not be staying anyway.

I have spoken to my eldest and they have said that in future when its the night for all to stay over they will make alternative arrangements and are fine with this. Its just this one Sat night.

My rant is about the way my oh reacted when I asked him to ask his ex if this would be ok for just this week, he immediately said but what if she has plans !

my answer to this was well what about all the times she has changed the arrangements at the drop of a hat when we have been scheduled to have them.

He then said again but what if she has plans, he said he didn't know she had but what if she did ?

I then said well ok then so she can change when she see's fit but I cant change just one night. And as I said we will still be having the older children . I then said it shouldnt be one rule for one and another rule for me.

I then said ok, I would try and squeeze them all in and that my eldest could maybe sleep on the couch. I just thought only having 2 would be the easiest thing just this once.

I was just a bit upset that his first thought was what if it was inconvenient for his ex ! and not that it would be a struggle for me to fit everyone in this week.

I don't know maybe I am being over sensitive and just need a virtual hug or 2

HeadAboveWater

*hug*

Just think... 'the more the merrier'

No, it's not fair that there seems to be one rule for one and another rule for the other, but make the most of it.

Our girls love having sleepovers and there's been 4 on the living room before with empty beds up the stairs!! :rotfl:

lazer

flyonthewall wrote: »

Hey all, just wanted a good rant really won't talk to friends as I find friends getting involved in relationship stuff can be not such a good thing ( through past experience )

Anyhow back to rant !

My oh has 4 children by his ex and I have 1 child at home with us, he lives with me.

Our arrangement for the children is that we have his children every weekend on a Sat, and once a month on one of these Saturdays they will all also stay over.

So this Sat is all staying over weekend, but my eldest has returned home for a few weeks and just for this Sat I have asked if it would be ok if only the 2 older children stay over as we have only the room for 2.

The younger 2 are not old enough to really realise they will not be staying anyway.

I have spoken to my eldest and they have said that in future when its the night for all to stay over they will make alternative arrangements and are fine with this. Its just this one Sat night.

My rant is about the way my oh reacted when I asked him to ask his ex if this would be ok for just this week, he immediately said but what if she has plans !

my answer to this was well what about all the times she has changed the arrangements at the drop of a hat when we have been scheduled to have them.

He then said again but what if she has plans, he said he didn't know she had but what if she did ?

I then said well ok then so she can change when she see's fit but I cant change just one night. And as I said we will still be having the older children . I then said it shouldnt be one rule for one and another rule for me.

I then said ok, I would try and squeeze them all in and that my eldest could maybe sleep on the couch. I just thought only having 2 would be the easiest thing just this once.

I was just a bit upset that his first thought was what if it was inconvenient for his ex ! and not that it would be a struggle for me to fit everyone in this week.

I don't know maybe I am being over sensitive and just need a virtual hug or 2

firstly Hugs ...

Secondly - yea you are being over sensitive.
His children stay over once a month and you want to change that so that there is 2 months between their overnight stays -

How would feel if the roles were reversed?

I think everyone squeezing in is best - there is always room for one more - especially as the sofa isn't being used.

Personally i think it was unfair of you to ask him to give up a night, but he re-action anout it being inconvienient for the ex would annoy me too.

thatgirlsam

I think over sensitive too. I would be devastated if I could only have my children to sleep over once a month. I know he sees them inbetween, but still, it's a long time before he can have them stay over again.

Also, if his ex does have plans that is very short notice to change. A bit unfair really. She might be unfair to him at times but it's better to keep the moral highground for you guys.

How old is your son? I'm sure he won't mind sleeping on the sofa, it's only a night

Peanuckle

So you expected to be able to fob off 2 of his children because your eldest is home? Was your eldest's arrival a surprise because if it was planned then surely you could have sorted something out in advance?
Of course your OH's first thought was if it'd be inconvenient for his ex, by your own admission she chops and changes so maybe he was concerned that she might kick off and stop him seeing them if he caused problems?

Don't forget though, whilst the younger two might not be old enough to remember that they're not staying over, their older siblings are, presumably, old enough to realise that their siblings are being sent home to suit you.

Ellejmorgan

I think where contact is concerned kids must have it set in stone, I know it affects behaviour if not...
I'd say if you didn't allow them then they could be challenging afterwards..

Put yourself in their shoes, sounds like they have had to cope with a tough situation already, it doesn't matter what goes on between the adults and what's fair...

Go with it this time and the next time the PWC wants to change then say no..
It may start an almighty battle but at least it would be fair...

GobbledyGook

It totally depends on a number of factors, like when did you ask him and is his ex likely to let him have the younger 2 overnight another time to make up for it?

If you only asked this week and it means a 2 month gap between his kids staying then I think it was unfair and you are being over sensitive.

I think if you asked last minute he's quite right to think "what if she has plans" because if he cancels on her last minute and she has plans she could be a pita towards him in future. He's probably trying to keep her onside - not for her but for his kids. It must be incredibly hard only having them to stay for one weekend a month.

flyonthewall_2

lazer wrote: »

firstly Hugs ...

Secondly - yea you are being over sensitive.
His children stay over once a month and you want to change that so that there is 2 months between their overnight stays -

How would feel if the roles were reversed?

I think everyone squeezing in is best - there is always room for one more - especially as the sofa isn't being used.

Personally i think it was unfair of you to ask him to give up a night, but he re-action anout it being inconvienient for the ex would annoy me too.

Thanks for your reply just to make the point that I didnt ask all to give up the night only the 2 smallest who at 2 years old I genuinly think would not have noticed and also, what about my poor eldest been home only 2 days and asking him to give up his bed but thanks for the hugs

flyonthewall_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I think over sensitive too. I would be devastated if I could only have my children to sleep over once a month. I know he sees them inbetween, but still, it's a long time before he can have them stay over again.

Also, if his ex does have plans that is very short notice to change. A bit unfair really. She might be unfair to him at times but it's better to keep the moral highground for you guys.

How old is your son? I'm sure he won't mind sleeping on the sofa, it's only a night

oh this hurts me a bit, I am always telling him to have them stay over more, its him that says no to this, I generally love the full house, but tbh I was just putting my eldest first and didnt want him to have to give his bed up he has no where else to sleep this week and how could he sleep on the sofa the smallest are in bed by 7 and his room would be out of bounds to him after that, he has no money to go out anywhere. And he has already agreed that he will give his bed up in future with notice to make arrangements for himself

Person_one

flyonthewall wrote: »

Thanks for your reply just to make the point that I didnt ask all to give up the night only the 2 smallest who at 2 years old I genuinly think would not have noticed and also, what about my poor eldest been home only 2 days and asking him to give up his bed but thanks for the hugs

I think 2 is definitely old enough to be upset when you realise brother and sister are going to see daddy (Daddy!!!) but you aren't allowed.

When you're in a mixed together family like this you can't really put your own first, all the children have to be given equal consideration, if your oldest is an adult I'd hope they'd be ok with sleeping on the couch for one measly night to allow toddlers to see their dad.

BitterAndTwisted

No, I don't think you are being over-sensitive. You are being unfair and you're also being pretty thick-skinned about it if you can't see how unfair you are being to the two youngest by believing that "they won't notice". They will.