Am I being over sensitive ?

JodyBPM

Could you not have asked your eldest son to come another time since you already had agreed plans this weekend? Why should your DHs children be mucked around and inconvenienced to accomodate your son? They have a regular pattern, which should be stuck to and as much right to stay in your house as your son - they are your DH's children!

Whats the big deal about your eldest son giving up his bedroom and sleeping on the sofa for one weekend?

I think it is very clear that you prioritise your child's wishes/feelings/comfort over your step childrens.

Yes, I think you are being oversensitive, and yes I can understand why your DH would be annoyed.

flyonthewall_2

Ok so I am being over sensitive I can see, just makes me sad that just once over the last nearly 2 years I needed to just shift things around to make life easy for my kids ! As it is my eldest will be giving his room up once a month, we have the kids every weekend and also the 2 year olds during the week.

I love having a full house I love all the kids, just one time I needed just a bit of thought as to how difficult it is sometimes .... once out of 2 years.

Clearly I am supposed to put my children second to his, how can that be treating them equal.

And I still dont get how its ok for her to change when she feels like it but I cant do it once !!

GobbledyGook

Could you or your husband not share your bed with the 2 small ones and the other of you have the sofa if that means you can accommodate them all without your son giving up his bed?

Sambucus_Nigra

It's not fair, but it's the curse of being the step mother. You can't win!

Person_one

flyonthewall wrote: »

Clearly I am supposed to put my children second to his, how can that be treating them equal.

That's not what anybody is saying at all.

You wanted to just make two disappear for a bit to accommodate yours, surely you can see that's not on?

I'm not clear on whether your eldest lives with you or not. If he does, then surely he's already been giving up his room once a month every time they stay, why is this any different? If he doesn't live with you then its not really his room anymore, is it? He has one in a different house somewhere!

BitterAndTwisted

You are being unfair because you are seeking to change a long-standing arrangement at short notice as well as not treating all four of his children equally. It doesn't really matter whether their mother has chopped-and-changed in the past, what matters is what you do

Ellejmorgan

flyonthewall wrote: »

Ok so I am being over sensitive I can see, just makes me sad that just once over the last nearly 2 years I needed to just shift things around to make life easy for my kids ! As it is my eldest will be giving his room up once a month, we have the kids every weekend and also the 2 year olds during the week.

I love having a full house I love all the kids, just one time I needed just a bit of thought as to how difficult it is sometimes .... once out of 2 years.

Clearly I am supposed to put my children second to his, how can that be treating them equal.

And I still dont get how its ok for her to change when she feels like it but I cant do it once !!

She's raising their four kids on her own, support her..
The kids need routine especially the 2 year old he would notice if the others went and he didn't..
How about getting some blow up beds, think outside the box .

The PWC should also stick to a routine...but it's not a playground and you are not 6 'it's not fair etc'..
There are a lot of people relying on you so be the better person..

isthistrue

flyonthewall wrote: »

Thanks for your reply just to make the point that I didnt ask all to give up the night only the 2 smallest who at 2 years old I genuinly think would not have noticed and also, what about my poor eldest been home only 2 days and asking him to give up his bed but thanks for the hugs

so basically it's yours and your children's home and your partner's children are just visitors and have no real place in their father's home? I appreciate it isn't always possible to have enough beds for everybody, but the children shouldn't just be visitors, should they?

as a parent who gets very little time off, I personally don't take kindly to my ex making last minute changes to arrangements. And that's precisely because I often do have plans! I should be able to rely on my ex to have his children overnight once a month, surely? how would you feel if you only got one night off a month and the day before, someone decided to cancel it on what appears to be a whim? what is wrong with the floor, sofa, airbeds?

Tiddlywinks

flyonthewall wrote: »

Thanks for your reply just to make the point that I didnt ask all to give up the night only the 2 smallest who at 2 years old I genuinly think would not have noticed and also, what about my poor eldest been home only 2 days and asking him to give up his bed but thanks for the hugs

This smacks of a lack of understanding about how children NEED routine and don't need to be messed around at short notice.

Why is your son more important than you OH's children?

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

No, I don't think you are being over-sensitive. You are being unfair and you're also being pretty thick-skinned about it if you can't see how unfair you are being to the two youngest by believing that "they won't notice". They will.

I agree - you just don't get it... even after this comment you've gone on to justify yourself with this answer:

flyonthewall wrote: »

Ok so I am being over sensitive I can see, just makes me sad that just once over the last nearly 2 years I needed to just shift things around to make life easy for my kids ! As it is my eldest will be giving his room up once a month, we have the kids every weekend and also the 2 year olds during the week.

I love having a full house I love all the kids, just one time I needed just a bit of thought as to how difficult it is sometimes .... once out of 2 years.

Clearly I am supposed to put my children second to his, how can that be treating them equal.

And I still dont get how its ok for her to change when she feels like it but I cant do it once !!

NO - noone is saying make your kids second best to his - it's about being an adult and giving kids the comfort of a routine.

Anyway, why the short notice change? Your OH was right to worry about his ex having plans... you are just thinking of yourself.

thatgirlsam

flyonthewall wrote: »

oh this hurts me a bit, I am always telling him to have them stay over more, its him that says no to this, I generally love the full house, but tbh I was just putting my eldest first and didnt want him to have to give his bed up he has no where else to sleep this week and how could he sleep on the sofa the smallest are in bed by 7 and his room would be out of bounds to him after that, he has no money to go out anywhere. And he has already agreed that he will give his bed up in future with notice to make arrangements for himself

Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you!

How old is your son? I can't imagine an adult would mind sleeping on the sofa for one night, especially as it's for the sake of his step siblings