Am I being over sensitive ?

dizziblonde

You made the mistake of posting a thread as a step mother on here - you're ALWAYS going to be in the wrong and flamed for whatever you do.

Errata

Step-parenting isn't about 'rules' and tit for tat, it's about opening your home and your heart to kids who only have a part time parent, and trying to help them bear that loss.

BitterAndTwisted

If you don't want to accept the responsibilities that come along with acquiring a partner who already has children just don't shack up with them. Simples. Then you'll have all the room you need for your own children and can be justified in wanting to put their comfort and convenience first.

Jinx

You are a stepmother doing a difficult job and you clearly care so all brownie points to you for that. As someone whose daughter has an adored stepmother I know it must be difficult at times even if the rewards are great (and as a mother Ive always appreciated her support of my child even if she wouldnt speak to me!).

I can totally understand that for one night you wanted your situation to be put first, those that are castigating you for this I think are being unfair. Yes it might be short notice and yes it might not be fair on the children but life is full of changes and you and hubby see the children enough to be a constant, its not like this one sleepover is the only visit of the month. I think it should be they all stay or all go home though is the fairest way. It could be the following sat they stay over for example.

I actually think you are most annoyed at hubbys worrying about the ex partners plans - well he could have at least asked her..... Surely common sense dictates a little flexibility!

Person_one

A really simple way to look at it, if your children's father cancelled a visit at the last minute for this reason, would you think it was acceptable?

flyonthewall_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If you don't want to accept the responsibilities that come along with acquiring a partner who already has children just don't shack up with them. Simples. Then you'll have all the room you need for your own children and can be justified in wanting to put their comfort and convenience first.

Thats funny I thought relationships were give and take. not about all take on his and her part, how in the hell do u think it affects oh and I and my child when the mum changes plans at the last minute.

UM where is the ROUTINE for the kids then ! Do u not think we care, are upset and and annoyed that we have to change all our plans to suit her at a minutes notice, do u not think the children will be upset by this.

So Rule 1 for being a stepmum is maternal mum can upset her kids and stop them seeing their dad at a drop of a hat but when stepmum needs a bit of back up for a problem she has just once in 2 years she can basically go to hell .





One rule for one mother another for stepmother hmmm hardly seems fair

System

Think i'd get a couple of travel cots for the littlies. No way would i alter the routine. Its as important for your other half to see all of his children as it is for you to see yours.

the_becoming

flyonthewall wrote: »

One rule for one mother another for stepmother hmmm hardly seems fair

No its not fair. And its not fair for the children that they cant live with their Mum AND Dad through no fault of their own. Life isn't fair.

Difference is you are a grown up and chose to be in this situation.

I totally understand why you are aggrieved but I think for everyone's sake you have to grit your teeth and bear it. One night a month to stay over is not a big ask in anyone's book!

Sorry its obviously not what you want to hear

Person_one

flyonthewall wrote: »

Thats funny I thought relationships were give and take. not about all take on his and her part, how in the hell do u think it affects oh and I and my child when the mum changes plans at the last minute.

UM where is the ROUTINE for the kids then ! Do u not think we care, are upset and and annoyed that we have to change all our plans to suit her at a minutes notice, do u not think the children will be upset by this.

So Rule 1 for being a stepmum is maternal mum can upset her kids and stop them seeing their dad at a drop of a hat but when stepmum needs a bit of back up for a problem she has just once in 2 years she can basically go to hell .





One rule for one mother another for stepmother hmmm hardly seems fair

Nobody's saying its ok for mum to mess with the kids routine, just that there's nothing you can do about that and two wrongs don't make a right!

thatgirlsam

flyonthewall wrote: »

Thats funny I thought relationships were give and take. not about all take on his and her part, how in the hell do u think it affects oh and I and my child when the mum changes plans at the last minute.

UM where is the ROUTINE for the kids then ! Do u not think we care, are upset and and annoyed that we have to change all our plans to suit her at a minutes notice, do u not think the children will be upset by this.

So Rule 1 for being a stepmum is maternal mum can upset her kids and stop them seeing their dad at a drop of a hat but when stepmum needs a bit of back up for a problem she has just once in 2 years she can basically go to hell .





One rule for one mother another for stepmother hmmm hardly seems fair

That is a bit of a childish attitude, sorry

Why don't you and your OH focus on being the parents that are consistant for the children and let her get on with being however she wants to be. Because children grow up, and they do remember!

fwiw, I'm sure it's not easy for you, but you obviously think his ex's behaviour is out of order, so why would you want to be the same as her??