Am I being over sensitive ?

thatgirlsam

flyonthewall wrote: »

hmmm my ex is not allowed to come anywhere near me or my kids. Legally and simple.

But that's not ideal is it?

I don't mean it as if you should let him, obviously there must be good reason for this. I just mean it's not an ideal situation is it.. for the kids.

isthistrue

shellsuit wrote: »

flyonthewall, I'm with you all the way.

If that means I'm shot down in flames, so be it.

You have been welcoming and accomodating to the children and just this ONCE you want your son to have his room and bed and you're being jumped all over?

MY children come before anyone elses, ALWAYS. Always have and always will!

2 years old won't know the difference of whether they stay at home or at yours, or if they do at that precise moment, it's not going to have a long lasting effect on them, so don't worry!

I would be peeved too, that your OH would think if his ex's cirsumstances before your own.

I don't know why everyone is against what you have suggested, as I think you have been really fair?!

so with this logic, don't you think that the OP's husband will want to put HIS children before hers? is it not the case that THEIR house is also the home of THEIR children - his, her or their joint children? Or is it as I said earlier, always the case that step children are never anything other than visitors?

OP - if the ex is always chopping and changing, all you have to do is say no. Do it a few times and she'll fall into line. Or, she'll cause problems with contact with the children and the impact of that on your relationship will give you far more to worry about than having small children camp out in your front room once in a blue moon.

Errata

Kids adapt because they don't have any choice. Kids will put up with all kinds of dysfunctional behaviour from their caregivers in order to keep a roof over their heads.

isthistrue

themull1 wrote: »

My partner doesnt have his son stay over ever, he sees him for the day on a weekend. Its not a necessity that kids have to stay over - i would hate four kids staying with me even for one day a month...! Each to their own.

so the pay off of being around you is that your partner doesn't get to bathe his child? cook for him? read him a bedtime story? help him with homework? that's not exactly parenting, is it? why would anyone want to be around someone who happily abandons full responsibility of their children when a new partner comes on the scene? shouldn't it be about balance?

SingleSue

One of my happiest memories as a child is when we stayed at my nan's house, there would be loads of us, all cousins, all bunking up together in nan's huge kingsize bed, sleeping across the bed so we would all fit.

I think the suggestion to have the younger children in your bedroom is a sensible and the most obvious answer. You need not buy camp beds or blow up beds, just cushions from the sofa (the big cushions, not little ones), teddy bears...you name it, put it down to make it soft and put a sheet over. Maybe pass it off as an inside camping adventure with a sheet suspended over the top (but not down the sides so as to cause a choking hazard) and have some little food treats.

Or maybe you and your partner sleep on the floor with the cushions and the little ones have the bed, or see if you can squeeze them in with the pair of you in the bed, maybe at the bottom of the bed. My eldest son sleeps head to toe in a single bed with a friend of his when he stays over at hers (no romantic involvement) and he is 6ft and 18, the poor girl gets his feet but he doesn't get her feet as she is a fair bit shorter!

The solution is so easy and your son can still be in his own room, it just requires some out of the box thinking.

Re the changing access, no it is not right she messes about with it but then you need to act like the adult and not drop your standards to hers.

I am not a step parent but on the other side of the fence (PWC), the boys only see their father for a few hours (quite literally) a year, not because I mess things about but because he doesn't feel he has the time to see them. Believe me, no matter how young, children notice and remember......he has pretty much lost them now.

System

MY children come before anyone elses, ALWAYS. Always have and always will!

If they are all children they should be treated equally.

If my partners children were young (say 2 years old). I would have to put their needs before my adult children because their needs are more (but that doesnt mean i love my own adult children any the less).

Thats how i see it.

System

Errata wrote: »

Kids adapt because they don't have any choice. Kids will put up with all kinds of dysfunctional behaviour from their caregivers in order to keep a roof over their heads.

Yes but at what cost?

Ellejmorgan

Errata wrote: »

Kids adapt because they don't have any choice. Kids will put up with all kinds of dysfunctional behaviour from their caregivers in order to keep a roof over their heads.

That's my point the kids should have a choice..

mumps

Not everyone believes routine is that important, it is part of the culture here but I have seen children in very different cultures and their lack of routine doesn't seem to do any harm.

Ellejmorgan

mumps wrote: »

Not everyone believes routine is that important, it is part of the culture here but I have seen children in very different cultures and their lack of routine doesn't seem to do any harm.

I fail to see how different cultures are relevant, could you expand please..