Selfish husband, don't want to do this anymore :(

lilmisskitkat

Thank you all again

I do have my family nearby, they are fantastic and i wouldn't manage without them. I'd already put a bit of money aside for some half term activities so i did manage to put petrol in the car but it was the fact that he hadn't even considered that i'd need petrol to take the kids out and about. I keep thinking what kind of man takes time off work at half term and then does nothing with the kids? The kids are fine, weve done some nice things together and they've spent lots of time with Grandma whilst i get on with the packing.

My fibromyalgia limits me physically, some days more than others. Luckily my family are helping me pack, my mam by taking the little ones off my hands for a few hours and my dad by doing any lifting for me.

I don't know if the post further up about seeing why he thought i was clingy was related to my comment about anxiety? I did become more 'needy' last year but not in a relationship way iykwim. It was when DS was ill and we were at home with him in between hospital stays and i was scared to be left on my own with a newborn (nightmare, reflux one!) and a 2yr old who could start fitting at any minute. I didn't like him going anywhere too far that he couldn't easily drive/get a taxi back home if needed. But it wasn't in a nagging way, i was asking for some support as i was mentally and physically drained and terrified.

The house is ours, well his. They wouldn't put me on the mortgage or deeds other than as an occupier as i don't earn any money and don't contribute anything. Renting a 3 bed house round here is around £500pm so not too bad really. I used to get help with my rent when DD1 was small as i was at college part time and only worked 10 hours a week but i think the housing benefit rules have changed?

K xx

FBaby

It is very unlikely that he will change his ways now unless you give him an ultimatum AND he is prepared to do so rather than losing you and kids. At the moment you are slowing him to have his cake and eat it as he sees it. He clearly doesn't care to be a good husband for the sake of it he likes to be a family man when it suits him and a single block the rest of the time. You expect him to'learn' all he has learnt is that he can have his way with no retributions.

pearl123

lilmisskitkat wrote: »

The house is ours, well his. They wouldn't put me on the mortgage or deeds other than as an occupier as i don't earn any money and don't contribute anything. Renting a 3 bed house round here is around £500pm so not too bad really. I used to get help with my rent when DD1 was small as i was at college part time and only worked 10 hours a week but i think the housing benefit rules have changed?K xx

I know this is sidetracking the original question and subject matter.
So to be blunt if your not on the mortgage has your OH made a will just in case anything should ever happen? I only ask because he does not seem to give a damm.

MandM90

lilmisskitkat wrote: »

Thank you all again

I do have my family nearby, they are fantastic and i wouldn't manage without them. I'd already put a bit of money aside for some half term activities so i did manage to put petrol in the car but it was the fact that he hadn't even considered that i'd need petrol to take the kids out and about. I keep thinking what kind of man takes time off work at half term and then does nothing with the kids? The kids are fine, weve done some nice things together and they've spent lots of time with Grandma whilst i get on with the packing.

My fibromyalgia limits me physically, some days more than others. Luckily my family are helping me pack, my mam by taking the little ones off my hands for a few hours and my dad by doing any lifting for me.

I don't know if the post further up about seeing why he thought i was clingy was related to my comment about anxiety? I did become more 'needy' last year but not in a relationship way iykwim. It was when DS was ill and we were at home with him in between hospital stays and i was scared to be left on my own with a newborn (nightmare, reflux one!) and a 2yr old who could start fitting at any minute. I didn't like him going anywhere too far that he couldn't easily drive/get a taxi back home if needed. But it wasn't in a nagging way, i was asking for some support as i was mentally and physically drained and terrified.

The house is ours, well his. They wouldn't put me on the mortgage or deeds other than as an occupier as i don't earn any money and don't contribute anything. Renting a 3 bed house round here is around £500pm so not too bad really. I used to get help with my rent when DD1 was small as i was at college part time and only worked 10 hours a week but i think the housing benefit rules have changed?

K xx

Why not go to Citizens Advice Bureau to see what you might be entitled to and how you could manage if you did leave? Have you spoken to your mum about all of this? She sounds very lovely and supportive and you sound quite lonely in terms of what is going on.

I'm sorry to seem ignorant but does your condition stop you from working? Perhaps a part time job might be good for your independence and self esteem...or maybe even a college/university course if (or when) your kids are old enough.

DUTR

pearl123 wrote: »

I know this is sidetracking the original question and subject matter.
So to be blunt if your not on the mortgage has your OH made a will just in case anything should ever happen? I only ask because he does not seem to give a damm.

It's not always the males that die 1st though, so the OP should also consider a last testament statement. :eek:

lilmisskitkat

He says it's a waste of money (remember we 'haven't got any money',as he says, hence no holidays etc) and that everything will go to me as his wife anyway. I wanted to get one drawn up last year with regards to the children if anything was to happen to me/both of us but he refused

xx

maryroberts

Hello K,

I've picked up on something you say in your first post - "I don't trust him, i dont know if there is someone else."

Have you discovered something which makes you think this way?

I've been in that position - my gut instinct was right, there was someone else. Complicated story, different circumstances to yours.

Hope I don't make you feel any worse, just wondering if there's something more behind his extremely selfish behavior.

lilmisskitkat

MandM90 wrote: »

Why not go to Citizens Advice Bureau to see what you might be entitled to and how you could manage if you did leave? Have you spoken to your mum about all of this? She sounds very lovely and supportive and you sound quite lonely in terms of what is going on.

I'm sorry to seem ignorant but does your condition stop you from working? Perhaps a part time job might be good for your independence and self esteem...or maybe even a college/university course if (or when) your kids are old enough.

I have spoken to my Mam, she is very supportive and a good listener And i have great friends too.

My condition would make it difficult for me to work as it is very unpredictable and therefore i am not a 'reliable employee' as the job centre told me. At the moment all my energy goes into the kids but when the youngest starts school I'm going to look for a part time job and she'll go to pre-school next year so i was hoping to do some volunteering a couple of mornings a week.

xx

jackieb

I'm on our mortgage and at the time we took it out I wasn't working either. Are you sure this isn't your husband making things up?

jetplane

lilmisskitkat wrote: »

I've been a single mum before, DD1 is not his biological child and i was alone with her from being 3 months pregnant until she was 4 and i met my husband. I was a strong person back then and with the help of my family i coped well but i fear i wouldn't do that now with 3 kids rather than just 1.

sweetheart you can do it again, you already are with the help of your family

The new house would be a great thing for the kids, better neighbourhood, garden, other children around, more space etc and i really want it to be a fresh start for us all but i don't know how to make him see sense . If i did leave him I'd have to leave the house, there is no way i'd afford it on my own.

You can't make him see sense, he has to do that himself. You could make a new start in a rented house. Don't let him trap you.

I know a lot of this is my fault, i've been far too soft along the way, i guess i just expected that by now he would have tired of the 'single' life and started being the family man he claims to be.

It's not your fault, it is his. You hoped he would see the light and change, don't blame yourself for that.

You have never given him permission to treat you badly, he has chosen to. Only you can change this.