Selfish husband, don't want to do this anymore :(

nickyhutch

And you don't know where he is? WHy on earth not?

jetplane

(((HUGS)))

Im sorry I have nothing constructive to say. His behaviour is appalling and no amount of ifs or buts can justify this. No man leaves his wife to move house while he's on holiday. No man goes on holiday without saying where he is or who with. No man repeatedly prioritises himself before his kids and wife. No man leaves his family without money. He has absolutley no respect. Seriously I would abandon both houses.

Please find the help you need to leave him. Life as a single parent would be preferable to this. Nothing would convince me to stay.

muddyl

Last time a friend of mine had a partner that went on holiday's without her knowing where, she received a phone call.... From australia, while he was there with his ex and the two children he'd forgot to mention he had.

pearl123

faerie~spangles wrote: »

Now would be the perfect opportunity to take the kids and walk out. Leave him to come back to an empty house and all the packing to do for the move.

He needs to be made to understand that you are not a doormat.

Only you can stand up for yourself and the children.

I got to agree with the above quote.!

OP- You've said you've got some health issues - why then is he leaving you to do the donkey work? Is that love and care ?

I suspect you are definately a fit mother. Your OH is just treating you very, very poorly.
He's not a man to leave you with all this work! Plus the lack of petrol/money. I wonder how a court would see that.

In your position I would just sending him a text to telling him you are not going to do the donkey work and that he's misjudged you and that you not a doormat!
Call his bluff.

sooty&sweep

Hi

I think you know things need to change whether that change includes splitting up from your husband is up to you.

He sounds like an incredibly selfish person who wants his cake and to eat it to.
Also from what you've said he also sounds like a bully who is feeding your insecurities to help him maintain control of the situation.

Maybe you need to talk to Citizen Advice etc to find out where you would stand if you did choose to leave him and where to go for help.

Please don't misunderstand I'm not advising that you leave your husband that is your decision BUT he is playing on your insecurities that you can't live without him as you rely on him for money. Talking to someone about where you would stand if you did will let you know what your position would be. Information is power and would give you some control on the situation.
In terms of him taking you to court and claiming your an unfit mother. I'm no expert but from what you've said they are more likely to deem him an unfit father. Having health issues doesn't make you an unfit mother it just means you might need a little support.

All the best

Jen

Person_one

Are there any positives at all to living with this man?

He's a terrible husband, he's an uninterested father, he earns the money but seems to spend most of it on himself, he doesn't seem to care about any of you at all.

Don't worry about the unfit mother thing, a judge wouldn't give it a second's credence, if that's the real reason you feel stuck you can completely relax about it.

Mrs_Arcanum

Seems like you have 4 children not 3. With the eldest just swanning off whenever he feels like it just because he is the main bread winner.

Definitely not a husband or true life partner with 3 children as it should be.

You can stay and accept this is how life will be or leave him. However, you need to realise only you can be sure to make changes to improve your life and that of your children.

shelley_crow

Oh dear!

Well, I can only agree with what the other posters have said. He is a selfish man child and you are carrying his weight around. You said he's been like this for a few years now, do you know what changed?

He is manipulating you into staying with him by saying he will take the children off you, that is the action of a man who knows he is treating you badly and is calculating his best chances of keeping you in your place.

He is treating you like a doormat, the thing he hasn't thought about is that the doormat can trip his a55 up on his way out of the door. Which is exactly where he would be going if he was my husband. You know him though, do you think he's capable of change?

MummyOfTwo

lost for words on this one, but i can sure as hell hear the alarm bells ringing in my head....

Missli

Please get out of the relationship now, before you get trapped even further. I know where your coming from. Its an unequal relationship where the SAHM parent is made to feel inadequate, and worthless. You sound far from it, but this is making you unhappy.

You'll start to enjoy life once you realise there is so much more out there for you, once you've got rid of your husband (who sounds like a control freak, and bully).

Get rid, and start to live again.