Selfish husband, don't want to do this anymore :(

nickyhutch

I don't think I'd be putting up with any of that, OP. Two holidays for him and none for you and the kids? Er, no. That's beyond selfish.

muddyl

From a man's point of view, he's not worth your time or effort.

I like "lads" things, but not at the detrament of my family.
I work all week, longer than normal hours, and ensure I spend time with all kids. Weekends are for the family.

I agree to call his bluff. Only you can decide what to do, but being in a "relationship" which makes you feel how you describe will only destroy your soul over time.
As has already been said. If he cant spend time with them now, he certainly wont want them full time on his own.

By your own admission, it cant stay the way it is. Either he changes things, or you do!

And to use emotional blackmail is disgraceful.

I wish you the best of luck.

faerie~spangles

First of all: If you are an unfit mother (in his warped opinion). What does that make him? He sees fit to swan off and do his own thing leaving HIS kids in the care of someone he deems unfit. My ex used that one for years on me and I foolishly believed him.

Do you really want to move to the new house with a man like that?

Knowing what I know now, if I was in your position I'd have a good long think about whether or not it is worth staying in the marriage.

Now would be the perfect opportunity to take the kids and walk out. Leave him to come back to an empty house and all the packing to do for the move.

He needs to be made to understand that you are not a doormat.

Only you can stand up for yourself and the children.

kj*daisy

It's not reasonable at all, particularly as you and the kids are going without a holiday. I'd give him an ultimatum tbh, no more lads holidays until the family has had one. You aren't clingy - you want to be a family, he appears not to want that.

I know you feel stuck, but really you need to start squirrelling money away if at all possible and plan for your future with your kids if he doesn't shape up. Take care.

liney

You are not being unreasonable! If you want to give things another try, then I think you need to have a proper conversation when he comes back. I'd be detailing how:

You are not less import than him because he works and you don't.

Your children deserve a Father, not a lodger.

Your children will no longer go without so that their father can have luxuries.

If he will not willingly give his time to you and your children, then you will leave and make do with the 25% of his net income instead of him, and you will all be happier.

thehappybutterfly

What about the fact that you're about to move house? Is that something you can get out of? If you decide enough's enough - can you stay where you are and chuck his things out or are you all committed to this move? If you are committed, do you and the kids have the "right" to move into the new place without him?

moneysavermum_2

Rev wrote: »

Hugs on the way OP.

Easy for me to say but if he were my DH, when he got back from his holiday he's find his stuff in bin bags outside the house and the locks changed.

Call his bluff. Tell him him report you. But do you honestly think he wants to be a single parent of three kids? Spending his cash on child care and giving up his lads holidays/nights out/football. From the sounds of it. Not a chance.

He's thoughtless. I don't know a single decent father we wouldn't give up their lads holiday in a nanosecond for their kids to have a holiday.

You deserve better. So do your kids.

iTS One thing to go on holiday with the lads but this doesnt seem to be the problem here: the problem is you feel short changed for you and your kids and you dont have a family life. If this isnt his priority and the proof is allways in the actions. Then you cant change him but you can change you and your childrens lives. it may be the fact that you have to step up abit and say I am not going to tolerate this...I will earn my own money...and if necessary I will get me and my kids a seperate life away from him. You need to take back control for your own life because it seems you have no control whatsoever over you or your kids life. I personally could not live with someone who left me with NO money especially for the kids.and yes he should be kicked out.

moneysavermum_2

liney wrote: »

You are not being unreasonable! If you want to give things another try, then I think you need to have a proper conversation when he comes back. I'd be detailing how:

You are not less import than him because works and you don't.

Your children deserve a Father, not a lodger.

Your children will no longer go without so that their father can have luxuries.

If he will not willingly give his time to you and your children, then you will leave and make do with the 25% of his net income instead of him, and you will all be happier.

(
this is what I do....and we are all aload happier yes its taken 5 years but what i am saying is its possible to stand on your own feet and make a life for your kids)

arbroath_lass

lilmisskitkat wrote: »

I don't know where he is or what he's doing.

:eek:

This was hidden amongst all the other appalling behaviour.

I'd be finding a nice wee place for me and the kids and leaving him to sort out everything else when he comes back from his holiday. BUT, it's easy for me to say, I'm not emotionally involved with the "man".

This behavious is definitely NOT normal. What do you want to do? Do you think you can save the relationship? In which case some tough talking is required.

moneysavermum_2

wannabehermit wrote: »

hi i'm not sure my post is what you are going to want to hear, but i've been there, done that, found the strength from somewhere to get the hell out.

"i work all week so want to spend my day off with my mates"

sound familiar?

That was what my ex said on me begging him to spend some time as a family.

He sounds selfish and like he wants the single life despite having you and your children.

I know just how you feel and it's hard when you want the 'perfect family life' that you dreamed of and were promised. I guess from what you say in your op that you have already tried to talk to him about it and get him o understand how you feel and what you want.

Other than that how is he? As a husband? As a father? What other input does he have in things like schooling, birthdays etc? How much general time do the 2 of you spend together or the 5 of you? Do you do random days out at the weekend? Go to the park just for the sake of it?

in my experience men dont understand words they understand action. He needs the shock treatment.