Think it could be over - dont know what to do...

skysky69

I lived with my previous partner for a few years and loved him to bits and could not envisage my life without him - but not in the right way to settle down and have children. The thought of not speaking to him again or seeing him again made me feel sick and my stomach turn over but it was the same feeling as if someone had told me I would never see my brother or my best friend ever again.

I also had shared dog which was more like my dog but I had to leave her with him as I was moving out of the home and he was staying there.

It was horrible I have to admit at first, I didn't miss him with the "oh my god I love him so much", it was coming home from work and somebody asking how your day is and them knowing all the people at your work and knowing all about you, it was somebody who knew all about me and not having to make small talk etc.

After you have taken the jump though, it gets easier, and then the unknown kind of becomes exciting and you realise that it wasn't right all along.

You do know when you meet the right person and the right person would be someone who shares the same dreams as you. If you want to travel and see the world etc, then a child is not for you just yet. I believe you should do the things you want to do and get it all out of your system before you settle down. Having children is a strain on any relationship let alone one that is not strong. Your shouldn't put your life on hold when you have children, they just become your priority over everything else and children thrive best with stability.

I am sure that your gut feeling will lead you in the right direction as this is always right.

ArsenalFC

I think using a poll as an indicator to whether to continue your relationship is awfully wrong. Everyone has their own opinion on things, the only opinion that matters is yours. No one knows this situation better than you, no one is in your shoes so they cannot know exactly how you feel for your gf or what you both have been through. Just hope things work out for the both of you.

immoral_angeluk

Don't be pressurised into marriage and kids if you're not ready. If you're not happy and haven't been for a while you need to be honest with her.
Good luck. x

Anu

OK, just for another side to this. Me and my partner got together in 1999 when we were 18 and 19, we got on well, had lots of fun but i never really saw us being together forever because he just didn't seem like the person i would settle down with, he just seemed to have the wrong kind of personality. But we lived together for a long while and eventually a couple of years ago we split up, we were apart for around 7 months but it really changed things. It made him really realise what we had and made me see a different side to him, we both saw other people while we were apart and realised just how they didn't match up to the relationship we hadn't even realised we had, we'll always be a more easygoing relatioship than most, we both go out with friends, we go out a lot together, we both beleive we're essentially 18 but at the same time we're still getting married this year and have a mortgage, but somewhere along the line we fell into the same wavelength. Who know's that may well happen for you guys but in order for that realisation to come (or even if it doesn't) you have to spend some time apart. From reading his post and looking over the others your relationship at the moment seems so destructive and there's a poisonous undercurrent of resentment on both sides, it sounds like you're both making the right decision to go your seperate ways....I'm a firm beleiver that things happen for a reason and if you're meant to be together then you'll find yourselves drawn together again....

dianadors

So....... Whats happened??

victory

dianadors wrote: »

So....... Whats happened??

Answers please:D

jon_E_begood

victory wrote: »

Answers please:D

Basically we talked and i said i wasnt ready for marriage/kids, she said there was nothing more to say as she was and we agreed i'd leave that evening. So after a while i went but left the dog with her and agreed i'd come back tmw to feed/wak it. So i get about 1 mile up the road and she phones me hysterical in tears saying i have to come back for the dog as shes too upset to cope with it. I went back and we started talking again and i ended up asking what it would take to end al this upset and she said a two yr engagement. I said maybe that would work and give me time so we decided to give it another go but havent announced anything yet...

Since then though i've had further complications which have thrown my head into furrther turmoil. Basically after a night out my (to be cont..)

EthelBloggs

omg.. you can't leave it half told!!

Hope you're ok tho *huggs*

ms_london

Hey!!! After having read pretty much all of this thread, I do think that it screams that you shouldnt be together. It sounds as though aside from the marriage/children thing, that you are not happy anyway - unless you are being overdramatic with your pro & con list, although it doesnt sound like it to me.

Personally, I would split up & then go travelling. Use the time to think about what you want from your life, and live a little - you have plenty of time to settle down and it doesnt sound as though you are ready for it anyway.

It sounds as though you resent your girlfriend to me, and she cant be happy either as I am sure she must KNOW that you arent 100% committed and happy in your relationship.

Of course, you could be making the wrong decision and live to regret it, but I dont think that just because you have been with someone for 6+ years (or any amount of time come to think of it!) that you should STAY together. You could also live to regret the fact that you didnt go travelling or see Australia, and this will be a darn sight harder to do when you have kids & a family to look after.

Perhaps I am just bias because I am in Australia at the moment & on my travels, and that I have been single for the past few years, so obviously I am a bit bias on that front too - but you do only live once.

Perhaps a trial separation would work? If you cant sort out these other niggling issues then marriage & kids is the least of your issues to be honest & it doesnt sound like you are meant to be together, unless the timing is just very very wrong!!

Good luck. xx

jon_E_begood

jon_E_begood wrote: »

Basically we talked and i said i wasnt ready for marriage/kids, she said there was nothing more to say as she was and we agreed i'd leave that evening. So after a while i went but left the dog with her and agreed i'd come back tmw to feed/wak it. So i get about 1 mile up the road and she phones me hysterical in tears saying i have to come back for the dog as shes too upset to cope with it. I went back and we started talking again and i ended up asking what it would take to end al this upset and she said a two yr engagement. I said maybe that would work and give me time so we decided to give it another go but havent announced anything yet...

Since then though i've had further complications which have thrown my head into further turmoil. Basically after a night out my (to be cont..)

Got interrupted and for obvious reasons couldnt continue.... so after a night out with other couples one of my close friends went on a drunken rant at gf saying how he she often spoke to me inparticular and everyone in our cirle at some point like they were something she had trod in. He said it was embarrassing and demeaning for me, him and everyone else when she does it. He basically said he couldnt stand it any longer and had to say something. It came out of the blue to me but he's since (when sober) semi apologised for the way he did it but said he wont take it back as he basically stood by a lot of what he said and that it had been building up for some months. So now my gf understandably wants nothing more to do with him & his partner and by association this means many of the things we did as a group of friends will now not be possible because whilst she's said it shouldnt stop me seeing him/them in reality i wouldnt feel right leaving her and frankly would feel uncomfortable with them anyway thinking they had all been whispering about me. So just when things seemed to be settling down it goes and gets worse and it now seems inevitable we'll become isolated from a group of friends. Its probably worse for my gf (though she says she isnt bothered) because I have other single friends who i still see regularly and more so than i saw the friends above - she doesnt have this so much so it leaves us and ours family's for her.

So there you go, answers on a postcard.. I've actually started looking at emigraton websites recently...dont know wheher thats a good or bad sign...