Think it could be over - dont know what to do...

LouBlue

Did your g/f get 8 other people to vote on your poll??

Just read this thread. Good luck with whatever you decide. Life is a bi*** but please do what is right for you. You get one life.

jon_E_begood

Thanks everyone. I have re-read the wole thread and know it contains lots of good advice. Guess i just need to take the advice now which is the hardest part. I have tried not to vilify my gf as she isnt a monster and nobody including me is perfect. Seems we just want different things or rather the same things but to very different timescales. I can sense her insecurity in the way she constantly seeks reassurance from me and this makes me feel even more pressured but i know i cant let it force me to make the wrong decision for us both long term. The thing is there is always that "what if" i am making the biggest mistake of my life and discover i cant live without her - I'm not sure how i would adapt to single life again! But i dont suppose you can be ruled by fear so maybe i'll have to find out...

J

kit

Good luck.
I hope everything works out. I'm sure it will.

bunty109

Good luck Jon.

You mayfind that she is the one but I think maybe a bit of space may be required to see that. Hopefully if you can get some time apart to re-evaluate things she too may start to ask questions of herself and about the way she has been in the relationship.

Please keep us posted if you can x

dianadors

I dont think you should take the advice, you need to learn to listen to your heart and head.

I wish you both well.

Carmina_Piranha_3

as bunty says you might find that if you take a break from the relationship once the stress that clouds your feelings has gone you do actually think that she was 'the one'. if that's the case then she's probably still going to be single in a month or two, or at least not married and pregnant, so the two of you could probably get back together if it felt right.

if you have a break i would recommend that either she keeps the dog and you have no contact, or only on a saturday etc. - or that you take the dog with you. i don't mean to sound unkind or judgemental but i'm a woman and i know that some girls do all kinds of things to reel a man 'on a break' back in. visitation rights to the dog is a real killer, you could find yourself sleeping with her when you visit the dog and then suddenly you're 'back together', or she's pregnant.

jon_E_begood

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

as bunty says you might find that if you take a break from the relationship once the stress that clouds your feelings has gone you do actually think that she was 'the one'. if that's the case then she's probably still going to be single in a month or two, or at least not married and pregnant, so the two of you could probably get back together if it felt right.

if you have a break i would recommend that either she keeps the dog and you have no contact, or only on a saturday etc. - or that you take the dog with you. i don't mean to sound unkind or judgemental but i'm a woman and i know that some girls do all kinds of things to reel a man 'on a break' back in. visitation rights to the dog is a real killer, you could find yourself sleeping with her when you visit the dog and then suddenly you're 'back together', or she's pregnant.

The dog situation is an added complication i could do without but which will have to be sorted if we do part....As i've said before though the whole trial seperatiob thing is nit an idea she will entertain anyway - her world is very back and white, we're either together or not full stop. Also theres the whole family thing to take into account and putting them through the whole "on - off - on" thing wouldnt be something either of us would want...

dianadors

If you think a dog is a complication, ask anybody who has seperated with kids.

puffinmuffin

puffinmuffin wrote: »

I feel for you Jon! On saturday my BF told me he thinks we should split up after 5 and a half years. i am distraught right now. he said he doesn't know if he wants to marry me and that if he doesn't know now, when will he? I am almost 29 and he has just turned 30. I have moved out for a week to give him space but soon will have to face the reality of what to do about the house etc. I don't want kids yet but i would have liked to get engaged.

I posted this a couple of weeks ago about the state of my relationship. I was gutted them but i am feeling a lot more positive now. I can see that it was/is the best thing for us. I don't want to be with someone that has doubts and doesn't want the same things. I would rather we parted ways now while we are young enough to start again without too many complications. Your GF will get through it!

jon_E_begood

puffinmuffin wrote: »

I posted this a couple of weeks ago about the state of my relationship. I was gutted them but i am feeling a lot more positive now. I can see that it was/is the best thing for us. I don't want to be with someone that has doubts and doesn't want the same things. I would rather we parted ways now while we are young enough to start again without too many complications. Your GF will get through it!

Thanks puffin. I hope your right and if/when i do find the courage she will one day see it how you do....

J