Think it could be over - dont know what to do...

Carmina_Piranha_3

depends how close you are to your parents i suppose. some people see their parents quite often so unless they were to actually pretend to still be together when somebody's mum nipped round for a cup of tea then it's going to be obvious that you're splitting up. maybe he's expected to go to her parents every weekend for sunday lunch for example - how would she explain his absence?

seven-day-weekend

I personally think that if you can even consider splitting up after 6.5 years then you are not right for each other.

I have been married for 35 years, and although there have been times when it's been hard (like in any long relationship), when the chips were down neither of us could even think of us not being together.

If you are meant for each other, then you will work through problems together and pull in the same direction.

I also think it's better to have a clean break, don't try and remain 'friends' as this will stop both of you moving on.

My son is your age, this is the advice I would give him.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

jon_E_begood

Well before reading this we had already decided to talk again tonight... Its a lot to throw away but the problem just seems insurmountable at times... I asked her what was an acceptable timescale for marriage etc to try and find a compromise.. She said two years but doesnt want me to feel i've been pressured into it and has asked me to think about it today..

Dont know whether I'd be doing it for the right reasons but need to think about it more...may even try the pro's and cons list suggested earlier.. Dont think this is how either of us envisaged it though and she said as much...

J

Carmina_Piranha_3

if you do stay together i suggest sorting out the social life too. perhaps one night a week where you can go out, or your time is your own even if you choose to spend all night playing computer games. and that should still stand after you start having children. you can love your partner and adore your children but having a few hours of 'me' time each week should not be considered a crime.

she should have the same - if she doesn't want to go out or to college/bingo/the gym etc. she could have a long bath and watch girly rubbish on TV.

also, it's not set in stone but my husband and i tend to take it in turns for a lie-in while the other gets up with the children and takes them to the park etc. - if my husband wants to go out then his hangover recovery will be his lie-in so he makes sure i get mine on the sat morning for example then he goes out sat night.

i think if she doesn't have any 'me' time such as a lie-in and a night where you go upstairs to the crying baby leaving her to watch TV undisturbed then she might feel resentful of your 'freedom'.

jon_E_begood

There is a lot more history to this than many people posting realise so can understand some peoples reaction/advice... See below to get a better understanding..

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=374432

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=337262

Pink_butterfly_3

I'll be honest. What are you still in this relationship? It sounds unhealthy for both of you.

No offence, but if I found out my DH had been writing thread after thread detailing our private life on some forum, then i would be most upset! You can't be happy. For gods sake, don't let her pressure you into anything you don't want. A baby should be a affirmation of your love not a last desparate attempt to save a doomed relationship.

I know its easy to say this, but I honestly think you'd be better off with someone who wants the same things as you. Either that or enjoy single life until you feel ready to make a commitment to someone you love.

Karrie

jon_E_begood wrote: »

There is a lot more history to this than many people posting realise so can understand some peoples reaction/advice... See below to get a better understanding..

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=374432

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=337262

I remember the pill one. In my opinion, you are going in one direction and she in going in another. Keep your chin up - you've got some good advise on MSE and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

dianadors

My first husband was reluctant to get married, but we did because we had been together 5 years and had a house together etc etc He always wanted kids, but not just yet, "after Christmas" "after a holiday" etc etc (went on for about 3 years). Eventually after 7 years of marriage, we split up - both of us really upset about it at one time or another. It would have been so easy to stay together as things didnt seem too bad, but its only when you find someone that you fall head over heels in love with and "know" that they are head over heels in love with you, that you realise that all you had before was just familiarity and loyalty. My 2nd hubby and I have been together for 18 years now and have 2 brilliant kids that we both adore. I still feel madly in love with him . 1st hubby is also remarried with kids. It was worth the pain (and it was truly painful) get where I am today. My parents went mad when I told them we were splitting up. They thought I was insane (We had no money worries and appeared to have everything) and they made the situation worse for me, but I have never regretted it for a minute. Like I said before, You know when you know.

jon_E_begood

Of staying together/marriage .....

Pro's:

- Cuddles/affection - we're both touchy feely people...
- Lots of common interests.
- We can and do have a laugh together sometimes.
-Shared house
-Shared dog
-Get on well with each others family.
-Have lots of mutual friends and a social life around this.
- In a comfortable routine.
- Financially comfortable together

Cons:

-Fear of further loss of independence.
- Lack of excitement/passion.
-Ever continuing arguements over going out and where my priorities lie.
-Feeling disrespected and belittled by name calling/abuse privately and in public.
- Weight of expectation (re:marriage etc) from partner and her family.
-Feeling of excitement/enjoyment when planning time away from gf..
-Feeling of nothing i do ever being good enough...(ie: do some cleaning and being told it's rubbish , buy flowers - you know i dont like those type..)
- Embarrassing lack of tact/diplomacy/care shown by gf when speaking to anyone (inc me + my family) - believes speaking her mind and damn the consequences...
-GF's lack of ambition beyond marriage/kids and part time work...
-My ambition to see more of world and maybe work abroad...

Think thats everything....not sure it helps though....

Pink_butterfly_3

jon_E_begood wrote: »

Of staying together/marriage .....

Pro's:

- Cuddles/affection - we're both touchy feely people...
- Lots of common interests.
- We can and do have a laugh together sometimes.
-Shared house
-Shared dog
-Get on well with each others family.
-Have lots of mutual friends and a social life around this.
- In a comfortable routine.
- Financially comfortable together

Cons:

-Fear of further loss of independence.
- Lack of excitement/passion.
-Ever continuing arguements over going out and where my priorities lie.
-Feeling disrespected and belittled by name calling/abuse privately and in public.
- Weight of expectation (re:marriage etc) from partner and her family.
-Feeling of excitement/enjoyment when planning time away from gf..
-Feeling of nothing i do ever being good enough...(ie: do some cleaning and being told it's rubbish , buy flowers - you know i dont like those type..)
- Embarrassing lack of tact/diplomacy/care shown by gf when speaking to anyone (inc me + my family) - believes speaking her mind and damn the consequences...
-GF's lack of ambition beyond marriage/kids and part time work...
-My ambition to see more of world and maybe work abroad...

Think thats everything....not sure it helps though....

So basically your mates that live together.

Can you try a trial separation to see how it goes and work out how you really feel?