Think it could be over - dont know what to do...

Angel777

Just wanted to add that i split up with my bf of 3 years 3 years ago and i thought my world had ended. However looking back now i wish i hadnt stayed with him for 3 years, it didnt feel right, it wasnt right.

Like dianadors said you just know but can deny this to yourself.

You guys DEFINATELY need to talk, discuss and i dont think its just about having kids and getting married, i think there is lots more to it. You mentioned that her lack of ambition is something you dont like, if i felt that my partner was not supportive/ didnt want me to be successful i would see this as a major issue too.

Puffinmuffin, sorry to hear about your situation too, really cant be a good time for you either.

Just be totally honest, talk no alcohol, talk calmly and even think about and write down the things which concern you so you can get everything right in your head.

Hope you resolve it one way or the other.

Good luck.

Benny24

Tell her honestly what you want, how you feel, where you stand. If she can't accept that then it's probably time to move on, give it a break for a while and then see where you both stand.

There is no point bringing a child into this world half-heartedly.

I always said right up until I was 32 that I didn't want children. Suddenly in the past two years my feelings have changed....

Do it when it feels right.....Good Luck

lady_fuschia

You say you have a house, you've been together six years and you only go out once a fortnight?
That sounds pretty settled to me!
I think you do need to talk, but rather than talk about your future together, about marriage, children etc you need to first address some of the fears and concerns and insecurities you both have. Rather than have her guilt trip you about your lack of comittment and you resenting her lack of ambition, perhaps she needs to discuss her fears about leaving things too late, her insecurity, perhaps her feeling that her life will be a failure if she doesn't produce children and where this all stems from. And you need to discuss your fears about losing oppurtunities, about the sacrifices you would have to make. This way, addressing what both of you feel directly and getting it out in the open you might have a chance of sorting out what really lies ahead. You may find your fears are not about having kids in itself, but that you worry about what you will lose out on. Her fears may be routed in her feeling of inadequacy that because of her lack of education, without being a Mum, she's nothing. This will help you understand each other and yourselves more and hopefully plan a way forward - whether that's going your seperate ways, taking the next step, or staying as you are a little longer - at least you will both know exactly where you stand.
She wants you to start the conversation- take the oppurtunity and use itto steer it in a constructive direction, rather than one where you just critisize each other for your lack of commitment/ lack of ambition. Listen to where each other is REALLY coming from. It might even strengthen your relationship.

timmybest

Hey I have read the whole posts but I can only suggest one thing. Life is or will not be ever perfect. You have to give and take, Compromise. We all have faults, keeping this in mind we are not getting any younger so she might me right with the marriage and kids thing. That is the only way forward in life. Life has a meaning when you got a family, something to look forward to and occupy your time. Say to yourself, if you long for the single life but it can't carry on for long so one day you have to commit sooner or later. So don't get scared, count your blessings and go for it. All the Best

jon_E_begood

Well we've had a talk tonight and i was completely honest and said I didnt want marriage and kids yet but did say that i did want them eventually. My gf said (and i dont blame her) that after 6.5 yrs she couldnt wait any longer and we're trapped in a vicious circle with one of us destined to be unhappy whatever we do. So it looks like its over and tmw we bo to respective parents seperateley to break the news - telling other people is the bit i dread most as it will def be a shock as we've never been ones for airing our problems.. She cried a lot which upset me as i dont want her to be hurt but like i said to her - although it would be easy to go along with what she wants it wouldnt make it right...

Dont really know how i feel - i didnt cry and at first she accussed me of not seeming to care at all which i really do. Its just that i suppose in my mind i've been preparing for this for quite a while so its not such a shock..

Or maybe im numb and the shock and reality will hit me in the morning - maybe then i'll realize i've made a huge mistake? Who knows, feeling very strange so think i will just sleep on it now...

POSSETTE

just be careful she doesn't "accidently "get caught pregnant!..it does happen a lot..i know..and it didnt work out for her either.I have no other ideas ..except good luck.

Katmc2k

firstly ((((((hugs)))))) to you both

i don't like to comment on others way of working their relationship but am i right in reading you are telling your respective parents tomorrow? that seems awfully soon and IMHO i would want some time to get used to the decision myself and be certain it was the right one (you said yourself you might feel differently in the morning) it will probably be quite upsetting for your parents and obviously you wouldn't want to do this unnecessarily. i'm sure you know what you are doing though.

good luck in the future to u both x

poppy_the_saving_cat

If i was in her position it would also seem to me that you do not care either, as for someone suggesting that she may get herself pregnant, well i find this a very immature comment. she doesnt sound like the sort of woman who would do this! If she hasnt got herself pregnant in 6 and a half years then i dont think she is likely to now.

pippamannequin

scenario:
You split up, in a couple of years you regret it when she's found a new guy, sends you an invite to her wedding, beacause you styed friends, you just about choke at that and then 3 months later she tells you she pregnant.
You decide the time has come,you want kids and marriage you realise she was the girl for you, its too late though, but hey ho you'll get there in the end and no, of course you won't ponder on what if...

sleep on it well, life is full of regrets. hth.

poppy_the_saving_cat

Yep, i agree with above, you shouldnt decide straight away that you are splitting up and you should def not tell your parents yet. you both feel hurt and you are in no position to make a decision at the moment because of this.