Think it could be over - dont know what to do...

Dan_Thunder

SCOTTEX wrote: »

You know what the problem is, you've admitted it yourself.........you.

If you let this girl go its your fault, nobody elses. You've got a chance to be a man about things and make a better life for yourself and have a family of your own. You may think at your age that life is easy but if your never test yourself you always going to end up the loser.

Nobody has a guarantee about what the future holds when they get married but if your both strong enough, you will go in the right direction.

Or, you can sit on the fence all your life thinking what if...........

No offence but that's one of the stupidest things I've read. Are you seriously suggesting that someone should get married to prove how manly they are!?

The only reason to get married is for love and you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Using it as filler material so you don't break up or to prove a point would be ridiculous.

The only advice I can give is to ask whether it's something you'd never want or, perhaps, you can ask her to wait a couple more years?

Paula_anne

Have you read women are from venus and men are from mars?, very good book, will also help you understand us women and why we act the way we do. I can totally understand how your girlfriend feels, and also see it from your point,
hope it works out for you.:o

llh189

I think that you need to get clear in your own mind if you are not ready for kids marriage thing yet or you don't really feel like settling down with your current GF.

Either way it isn't best to tell her what she wants to hear if it isn't the truth, even if the truth does hurt, and cause her pain.

I was in a very similar boat, but we still had the spark thing.

When me and my ex got together, I was very clear about what I wanted longterm and he always said the right things, made the right noises etc, until one day he finally had to tell me the truth and whilst he loved me more than anyone else he had been with the whole mortgage, marriage and kids wasn't for him.

We did consequently break up, we have managed (just) to stay friends, but i am hurt that he didn't tell me earlier. We didn't break up just because he didn't want what I did but because he had spent so many years lying to me - we had no trust left.

I'm now feel that at 32 my chances off meeting someone new and doing the whole family thing reduces as time goes on and if he had told me a few years ago I would have had more time and been able to make different choices.

You are making decisions now that will effect your GF whole life and if you love her ( which I suspect you do ) you owe it to her to be completely honest and let her make choices about her future.

But first you must be honest with yourself - I agree you are both a little young at the moment, we were older in fact my ex was 40 but deep down he always knew he didn't want the same things as me, he just didn't want to lose me and he did because of the lies and not because of his lifestyle choices.

HTH

happiness_fairy

Just remember the truth is never a wrong answer. You have a right to feelings too and they may not be the same as GF.
I once had a very jealous/possessive BF, took me two years to work up enough courage to end the relationship but looking back was the best thing I ever did. Good luck

Errata

she tries to make me feel bad in front of others by saying things like "oh he was out with his friends again last night- you know they come first.."

Why would you want to marry someone and have children with them who publicly insults you? Taking it further, if she can't be kind to you what guarantee is there she will be kind to your children?

If she wants to work part time and not full time, tell her to go ahead, then you'll both know how that works for both of you.

The old fashioned solution to your dilemma used to be a proposal of marriage and an engagement during which plans for a wedding were made. The engagement period gave people a period to make plans, negotiate, and find out if they really did want to marry each other and an opportunity to 'call the whole thing off'.

If the thought of getting engaged with a wedding taking place some time in the future fills you with horror then in modern parlance 'You're so not into her'

Carmina_Piranha_3

is there a reason she's worried about leaving it 'too late'? has she got PCOS or other problems?

if she was 30 i'd be seeing her point of view a bit more i suppose, and a 6 year relationship is quite an investment if she isn't sure that you will EVER want kids with her. do you hate the idea of having kids or is it something you've never really considered?

my brothers don't have children yet, the eldest will be 30 this year and he hasn't given children any thought. he likes his nephews, doesn't hate kids but it's just not something he has considered because he likes his lifestyle and thinks 30 is young.

there's a difference between never having really thought about it/thinking you'll consider it in 5 or 10 years and actually knowing that you never want to have children. if you never want them then i think you should tell her.

but if you just think that you're far too young to be thinking of settling down then that's fair enough - nothing wrong with that.

i don't know what the answer is really - you seem so different. there will be men who would want to plan a wedding and children within a couple of years of meeting her though - how would that make you feel? the thought of her being with somebody else? would you think that you missed your chance to be with 'the one'?

Penny-Pincher!!

Maybe she's gonna tell you she's pregnant

Why dont you just wait and hear what she has to say? It may be nothing...but if nothing else, you really do need to talk to each other.

My husband and I have been together since we were 13. Married at 19, had DD at 20 and have been married for 13 years....yeah he's a pain in the !!!!! sometimes and Im a b!tch...but we still love each other:D

Communicate....its the only way!

Good Luck

PP
xx

Sarahjovi

I hope you have a favourable outcome to your discussion tonight!

Goodluck!


Sarah

kit

I was in a relationship with someone who didnt want to get married but did want kids, I was happy with this...... in time he changed his mind about marriage so we got married..... in more time he changed his mind about wanting kids so I left.
One month after leaving him, I met someone else - 6 months later I (accidently) was pregnant.... 3 years on we are a very happy family.

Neither of you should 'settle' for something thats not what you want... if you really want different things then go your seperate ways. Things usually work out for the best in the end.

DKLS

Watch your back OP, Use condoms from now on, as there is uncertainty in the future of the relationship, Dont get caught out!!, I discovered a girl, putting pin holes in my johhnies, she was quickly dispatched and I got the snip.
I am not averse to marriage in any way, but kids have always been a no no, and I have made that clear to every woman I have been out with, few have believed and think they could "change my mind"