Think it could be over - dont know what to do...

jon_E_begood

After all the turmoil i was going through yesterday I got home and she didnt mention it again! I sat down with her and she just acted like the mornings discussion hadnt happened? I didnt push it as was waiting for her to initiate the discussion she had said she wanted and she promptly watched relocation, relocation!

So after a strangeley subdued night as she's leaving this morning she says "why didnt you say anything last night - i thought we were going to talk!?" So apparantly it was upto me to start things off and we are going to have another go tonight although she did say "unless you have changed your position which i wouldnt want you to do unless you wanted to then there's not a lot to say" - sometimes I despair....

Justie

jon_E_begood wrote: »

After all the turmoil i was going through yesterday I got home and she didnt mention it again! I sat down with her and she just acted like the mornings discussion hadnt happened? I didnt push it as was waiting for her to initiate the discussion she had said she wanted and she promptly watched relocation, relocation!

So after a strangeley subdued night as she's leaving this morning she says "why didnt you say anything last night - i thought we were going to talk!?" So apparantly it was upto me to start things off and we are going to have another go tonight although she did say "unless you have changed your position which i wouldnt want you to do unless you wanted to then there's not a lot to say" - sometimes I despair....

oh bless the torture...

it may be worth taking the bull by the horns tonight and saying what you want to say - if you love her and want to be with her but you're not ready to get married then tell her that. Sometimes just being reassured that you're still wanted and loved is enough... In the end it comes down to 'do you know what you want' as it's fairly obvious she thinks she does...

Jamz

Mate, to me it sounds like you both just want different things in life and it's time to move on.

My other half and I are the same ages as you and yours and well we're lucky in that we want the same things, we actually get married 2 weeks today in Mexico, we've brought our house and towards the end of the year we are trying for a baby, but it was easy for us cause we both wanted the same thing.

ceebeeby

Sounds to me (from a girly point of view) as though she's as upset about this as you are. I'm a "you talk first" person, even if it's me that wants to bring up the conversation.

Why don't you take the opportunity today to do a good old fashioned plus and minus list on all the aspects of your relationship. Hopefully you'll come out with a huge list of plus' and that can be the starter point in the conversation.

If you feel she is the 'one for you', could you not sensitively discuss future timelines so that she has something to aim for (for example marriage on her 30th birthday ... kids by 35) ... what about a long engagement as a compromise? How would you feel if she genuinely upped and left?

Only you can make the right decision here, and the decision you make will affect you forever, so please accept this hug (((hug))) to help you make it wisely.

puffinmuffin

I feel for you Jon! On saturday my BF told me he thinks we should split up after 5 and a half years. i am distraught right now. he said he doesn't know if he wants to marry me and that if he doesn't know now, when will he? I am almost 29 and he has just turned 30. I have moved out for a week to give him space but soon will have to face the reality of what to do about the house etc. I don't want kids yet but i would have liked to get engaged.

Rosie75

If you both want different things out of life it is better to end things sooner rather than later, before you both start resenting each other.

victory

I agree with the plus and minus list....works very well:D

If you get pushed into this....the problems, resentment, frustration, unhappiness and difficulties later on will just tear you apart and destroy any kind of relationship you once both had ......hardly a basis for a solid foundation....

What would you be able to happily give another person that has 'emotionally blackmailed and bullied you' into doing something that deep in your heart was not what you wanted? :cool:

Pull back.....you....what do you want....what do you want that can make this lady happy.....can you give her enough of you without the resentment to make it work?

You have to be solid... are you?.....No place for kids if not....

EthelBloggs

jon_E_begood wrote: »

After all the turmoil i was going through yesterday I got home and she didnt mention it again! I sat down with her and she just acted like the mornings discussion hadnt happened? I didnt push it as was waiting for her to initiate the discussion she had said she wanted and she promptly watched relocation, relocation!

So after a strangeley subdued night as she's leaving this morning she says "why didnt you say anything last night - i thought we were going to talk!?" So apparantly it was upto me to start things off and we are going to have another go tonight although she did say "unless you have changed your position which i wouldnt want you to do unless you wanted to then there's not a lot to say" - sometimes I despair....

Arrgghh.. how frustrating for you :mad:

However, having read the whole thread and some of your previous posts.. I think you already have the answer in your head.. but it's very difficult to actually put it into practice.

I wish you the very best.. *big huggs*

dianadors

You know when you know.

I think you know that this isnt right.

will1974

You got to take the bull by the horns matey...Can you see yourself with her for the next 50-60 years!!!!!! You got together at an early age, and sometimes through no fault of their own, couples just outgrow each other, people you get together with at 20yrs old are not always right for you at 30 yrs old.....It may be tough to "have the talk" but its better than being railroaded into marriage and kids. Good Luck, keep us posted....