Think it could be over - dont know what to do...

isualive

jon_E_begood wrote: »

Hi,
.... i just dont feel ready for the whole marriage + kids thing yet......

It says it all , you are not ready, so why be pushed. There is nothing wrong with going out with your friends once a fortnight, it's healthy. You are in a relationship, this is true, but you are two separate people. You've mentioned that you've had doubts for a while, and that special spark has been extinguised. Maybe you could suggest a holiday to try and rekindle it, but do you want to? I really do feel for you and I hope the talk tonight sorts things out. Don't feel bullied into having marriage + kids, as it wil never work.

emmaroids

reminds me a few months ago the missus said to me `can we get married soon?`

whereas i said `i dont like been pushed into something`

we have been together 12 years and engaged for 6 of them years lol.

to the poster, sugest to her that you should live together for a few more years yet, and just because you dont want marrage/kids just yet doesent mean your not gonna want it in a few years.

MJMum

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jon_E_begood

MJMum wrote: »

You got together at a very young age, if I read your post correctly - she was only 19. Are you sure that you would choose her now, after you have both grown up over the last few years? Although I'm sure that it would hurt to split now, it would hurt a lot more to split in a couple of years after marriage and a child or two.

We got together 6 years ago - she was 21 and i was 22...I know your right about a split hurting more and being worse after marriage and kids...think that is playing on my mind and compounding matters as well...

ArsenalFC

I think 6.5 years in a relationship, you should know by now whether you want to commit to your gf. At 28 you're not very old but aren't too young either to settle down. I can understand her frustration with you not committing because you have been in a very long relationship with her, in this day and age most relationships doesn't last this long. Marriage doesn't mean you got to have kids straight away, let her know you are not ready for children. You still can go out with your mates, marriage doesn't mean the end of this, dont think so negative.

Only you can decide what you want. If you really love her then you will do what is right for the both of you. I wish you well for tonight.

skim

Reading the OP, I've been through what you mentioned a few times & to be honest I'd stick with it because all relationships go through there ups & downs & you have to work at it to keep it going.

In my mind, I know my wife is by far the best person I'll ever come across but there will still be times when either of us feel down about the relationship & it gets worse if both of us feel down. Talk to each other & whilst it might not solve the problem immediately, it'll go along way to improve things & gradually things should start feeling better.

Sus1e

Why don't you wait and listen to what she has to say? It may be that she just wants an idea as to whether the relationship is likely to go somewhere or not.

I wanted to marry my OH (now Hubby) since we first met but we decided to wait and set a moveable timescale ie after graduation became after settled in job which then became after house.

We are now doing the same about kids. After wedding has become after new job which might even turn into next year sometime.....

A lot of women just want an idea of time scales and whether or not they are wasting their time with someone who really doesn't feel the same.

However, if you think she isn't "the one" then you have an obligation to tell her so that you can both decided whether or not to continue with the relationship.

(as for the "spark" on the intimate side - if she is on the pill, it will have an impact on this!!)

Sarahjovi

I spent 6 years with a bloke who didn't want to commit to marriage, and we didn't really discuss kids, but it was a something we both wanted eventually. However after 5 years and a heated discussion on the subject he finally agreed to get married! I was happy to start with, but I then realised having finally got what I wanted, I didn't want it any more. We split after being together for 6 years.

I met my husband a year later, and we talked about getting married and having children, almost straight away as it seemed so right, it was so refreshing! When I mentioned having babies, he always said anytime you want! We are still happily married 15 years later with our 2 children.


If you're having doubts 6 years later, I say find a partner thats singing from the same hymn sheet. It no good trying to convert someone around to your way of thinking, it just ain't gonna work.

Sarah

SCOTTEX

You know what the problem is, you've admitted it yourself.........you.

If you let this girl go its your fault, nobody elses. You've got a chance to be a man about things and make a better life for yourself and have a family of your own. You may think at your age that life is easy but if your never test yourself you always going to end up the loser.

Nobody has a guarantee about what the future holds when they get married but if your both strong enough, you will go in the right direction.

Or, you can sit on the fence all your life thinking what if...........

Carmina_Piranha_3

SCOTTEX wrote: »

You know what the problem is, you've admitted it yourself.........you.

are you his girlfriend?

i disagree - he is not 'the problem'. the problem is that she wants to settle down young and he doesn't.

speaking from the point of view of a kid whose parents married and had babies far too young just because it was what my mum wanted (and got divorced because dad still wanted to act like an 18 year old) i'd say please don't be persuaded to have children if you don't feel ready.