How much are you expected/do you do for your partner?

browneyedbazzi

Rather than jumping directly to 'get rid of him' maybe have a proper talk with him about what he's doing and how it makes you feel...preferably not in the heat of the moment after he's made a comment but at a point when things are pretty relaxed/happy broach the subject. If you can talk to him, make him aware of what he's doing and how it makes you feel maybe he'll wake up and start treating you better. If he doesn't, then it's time to get rid!

Hiddenidenity

He doesn't live with me and like I say works away 4 days a week. Thanks fothabks againr all the replies I will talk to him. It's partly my fault as I'm worried to say things after what happened in my last relationship iykwim

vesper

I'm not expected to do anything by my hubbie. However I do do the majority of the house work, I also do 99% of the cooking and washing, food shop etc. But that's because I work part-time on a bar in the evenings and weekends, and he works about 60 hours a week. So I'm have more free time during the day to do these things.
He does help me as much as he can, and does the house work that needs doing at the weekend (mainly washing up) while I'm at work.

Sambucus_Nigra

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

He doesn't live with me and like I say works away 4 days a week. Thanks fothabks againr all the replies I will talk to him. It's partly my fault as I'm worried to say things after what happened in my last relationship iykwim

And that may be why he picked you for a relationship in the first place.

Please, please - listen to your friend. You don't need a man in your life and the warning signs here are massive.

daisiegg

I do all the meal planning, food shopping, cooking, washing up, laundry, tidying up. We have a cleaner that he pays for. I iron his shirts and if I can't be bothered then I have to pay for them to go out to be done. We share the gardening as we both enjoy it though I take care of the day to day things like watering. He cleans the car and does any DIY. I get him a drink when he gets in from work and make him a coffee in the morning and I run baths for him. I rub his feet on the sofa in the evening at his request.

He works much longer hours than me with a longer commute and earns much more money. He supports me in only working part time and will support me being a SAHM when we have kids.

We both thank each other every day for everything we do and never take it for granted.

We have a slightly alternative relationship though so I appreciate it wouldn't work for everyone. But it works very well for us and we both feel appreciated and there are never any arguments as our roles and expectations are completely clear.

green1970

We just muck in when we feel up to it, bit of teamwork when we can be bothered.

More concerned about what you've said though, hiddenidentity. I'm getting massive alarm bells too. When you left your previous relationship, did you ever consider doing the 'Freedom' programme to help you recognise initial signs of abuse - it's really empowering and confidence building. Contact your local Children's Centre to see if they know of a local Freedom programme you could join or if there's someone you could speak to. What you've said about him so far - I already class this as emotional abuse and you should be in the fun, carefree, all in the garden is wonderful stage of a relationship. The fact that he is already chipping away at you this soon, especially after knowing what you've been through is, quite frankly, disgusting and disturbing. Be strong for your children and get rid, don't put up with this behaviour at all.

newbutold

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

I don't expect him to do anything, don't get me wrong. The children are "mine" not his, I don't expect him to do anything with them other than be polite when they are talking to him etc. I don't expect him to do anything around the house etc I don't mind (I enjoy) doing it all myself in my own little ways. I enjoy the cooking ironing etc. Its the arguments if its not "right" that bothers me, that its now expected. I've been having treatment and some days might not want to iron that days load of washing for example, but for him it has to be done then!

I'm a little bit upset (?not sure the right word) that he expects his tea done when he wants it, no matter what I'm doing at the time, He expects his bath run, ironing done a certain way just when hes ready. Also other things like he will tell me to do X this way and if it isn't its a major argument resulting in him storming off/shouting etc.

You have been together a month, get out now!

My friend started off her relationship with her partner like you have, including the bath running, 17 years down the line she is as miserable as sin and will never leave him.

sharloid

We do 50/50, literally. If I spend 20 minutes washing up, he'll spend the same 20 minutes cooking or whatever else needs doing.

Gloomendoom

sharloid wrote: »

We do 50/50, literally. If I spend 20 minutes washing up, he'll spend the same 20 minutes cooking or whatever else needs doing.

Do you both carry stopwatches?




That reminds me. I haven't sorted out that dead bird yet.

74jax

Neither of us expects the other to do anything for 'them'. We do each expect the other to pay our share of the bills and not leave a mess for the other.

If either has had a hard day we would run a relaxing bath, but it's not expected.