How much are you expected/do you do for your partner?

tanith

You're entitled to be upset he's expecting too much , its your choice when and if you do 'stuff' not his, as long as it gets done he should just butt out and let you get on with it in your own way. You have to tell him how he makes you feel when he tries to tell you when/how to do stuff. Remind him that he fell in love with you just the way you are not the person he is trying to turn you in to..good luck

Gloomendoom

How on earth do you decide what 50/50 is?

Do some jobs carry more weight than others? For example, I have to dispose of a rotting bird that fell in an open milk churn later. Is that worth three ironed shirts and a cup of tea or maybe four ironed shirts, a cup of tea and a biscuit?

heartbreak_star

I'd have sorted this out or gotten rid by now, you're not very well and are a person in your own right too, not his slave. Incidentally, before I get flamed, this is my opinion no matter which gender is the stay-at-home partner.

Storming off and shouting is not the way to go about things when you're an adult - although is he depressed/has some other issues? It's not an excuse but might be an explanation.

HBS x

Chaos_Monkey

I noted that too.....is it just me that thinks 1 month is too early to be having rows about how his shirts are ironed?

I'm between jobs right now (been temping), and been living together for more than 5yrs, married for more than 3, but my DH wouldn't/doesn't expect his tea on the table/shirts ironed/bath run/whatever whenever he's ready - I do do everything (except iron), but nothing is 'demanded' of me, in the way it seems that OP's fella is doing, and it's all done in my own sweet time (not sure being together one month qualifies someone as a 'partner'). I certainly wouldn't be putting up with being shouted at about his tea not being ready etc - he'd be bleddy well making his own!!!

beautiful_ravens

^hiddenidentity, I completely understand the children being yours bit, as i feel the same - my kids, my work etc. But the things not being done a certain way or its tantrum time - well Id not stand for that these days. I did put up with that once, and you never please them, theres always the next thing that isnt quite the way they want. My ex wanted to be greeted a certain way when he came home no matter what I ws doing, and to have a cup of tea ready to go when he walked in the door *eye roll* - he is my EX lol.

My new bloke and I share tasks when he visits, and when he lives here, we will still share tasks. Hes lived on his own for a few years, so I know hes capable! A bit of TLC [eg as someone says a foot bath!] is not to be expected, its something thats given

LadyMorticia

Well, I'm disabled and my husband is my full-time carer. I don't expect him to do anything for me but he does because I can't do alot of things. If he didn't do them, then I wouldn't be able to do them myself so would have to get carers in to do them.

I try to help where I can. When I'm well enough, I'll try to sit on my perching stool and do the washing up and I'll try to tidy the coffee table when I have the energy

Hiddenidenity

No hes not depressed or anything like that. He seems totally fine most of the time. I was deep in thought about it because someone who was visiting noted what had been said and decided to tell me it wasn't "normal" that he behaved like that, and as the days have gone on, things being said its starting to more and more pick at me.

Molly41

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

I don't expect him to do anything, don't get me wrong. The children are "mine" not his, I don't expect him to do anything with them other than be polite when they are talking to him etc. I don't expect him to do anything around the house etc I don't mind (I enjoy) doing it all myself in my own little ways. I enjoy the cooking ironing etc. Its the arguments if its not "right" that bothers me, that its now expected. I've been having treatment and some days might not want to iron that days load of washing for example, but for him it has to be done then!

:eek:

Alarm bells

Hiddenidenity

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

^hiddenidentity, I completely understand the children being yours bit, as i feel the same - my kids, my work etc. But the things not being done a certain way or its tantrum time - well Id not stand for that these days. I did put up with that once, and you never please them, theres always the next thing that isnt quite the way they want. My ex wanted to be greeted a certain way when he came home no matter what I ws doing, and to have a cup of tea ready to go when he walked in the door *eye roll* - he is my EX lol.

This is it, no matter whats done and how its done theres always something. If he told me x was wrong the next time I did it his way then something else is wrong

Molly41

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

I don't expect him to do anything, don't get me wrong. The children are "mine" not his, I don't expect him to do anything with them other than be polite when they are talking to him etc. I don't expect him to do anything around the house etc I don't mind (I enjoy) doing it all myself in my own little ways. I enjoy the cooking ironing etc. Its the arguments if its not "right" that bothers me, that its now expected. I've been having treatment and some days might not want to iron that days load of washing for example, but for him it has to be done then!

I'm a little bit upset (?not sure the right word) that he expects his tea done when he wants it, no matter what I'm doing at the time, He expects his bath run, ironing done a certain way just when hes ready. Also other things like he will tell me to do X this way and if it isn't its a major argument resulting in him storming off/shouting etc.

Alarm Bells :eek: