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How much are you expected/do you do for your partner?

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Comments

  • heartbreak_star
    heartbreak_star Posts: 8,287 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Rampant Recycler
    MASSIVE alarm bells! He has no right to make all these demands - you are NOT his mum or his housemaid!

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Bremainer
  • Chaos_Monkey
    Chaos_Monkey Posts: 158 Forumite
    No hes not depressed or anything like that. He seems totally fine most of the time. I was deep in thought about it because someone who was visiting noted what had been said and decided to tell me it wasn't "normal" that he behaved like that, and as the days have gone on, things being said its starting to more and more pick at me.

    I think you should listen to your friend. I'm so pleased someone IRL has mentioned it to you - I'm sure that will have more weight to it than a bunch of posts (even though probably all will say the same thing) online will carry for you.
    :j
  • browneyedbazzi
    browneyedbazzi Posts: 3,405 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    The alarm bells are HUGE here...the behaviours you describe (particularly so early into a relationship) are real warning signs and it's a pattern seen over and over in people who go on to be abusive towards their partners. It starts by wearing you down, making you feel like you aren't doing things right, you're not good enough etc etc, until it gets to the point where you have no self esteem left and will accept whatever behaviour he throws at you...be it violence/controlling/emotional abuse.
    Common sense?...There's nothing common about sense!
  • Hiddenidenity
    Hiddenidenity Posts: 5,423 Forumite
    See I look at things different, my previous relationship (only other relationship) was very violent and resulted in a lot of police/courts etc. He knows this because he was a friend then. So I really dont think he would be violent etc
  • LadyMorticia
    LadyMorticia Posts: 19,899 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Just realised how my post came across! I am very appreciative of my husband and try to help wherever I can but I feel guilty that I can't do alot. :(
    2019 Wins
    1/25

    £2019 in 2019
    £10/£2019
  • LadyMorticia
    LadyMorticia Posts: 19,899 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Hiddenidentity - You've been together a month and he's already demanding these things of you? Heck, I wouldn't find it acceptable if you had been together for 5 years! Relationships aren't about putting demands on the other person. They're about working together, compromising and asking!
    2019 Wins
    1/25

    £2019 in 2019
    £10/£2019
  • This is it, no matter whats done and how its done theres always something. If he told me x was wrong the next time I did it his way then something else is wrong

    Well hun, Im telling you now its likely to stay like that. Its highly unlikely that he will suddenly stop doing this!
    ''A moment's thinking is an hour in words.'' -Thomas Hood
  • mollsnan
    mollsnan Posts: 187 Forumite
    We have been married 34 years. After kids arrived I was sahm, we had many problems having them, so that was our choice. OH worked his socks off, odd shifts, overtime, did many courses and managed an OU degree all to be able to provide for our family. I was responsible (my choice) for childcare, cleaning house, laundry, cooking and the finances. Shopping we did ususally together, or he babysat while I went. He dealt with garden and house maintenance where possible, dog muck, heavy jobs etc. Never complained if tea not ready when he came in - usually was - but he would have known better than to complain! If I wasn't in, he would just have got himself something. No big deal. Hopeless at ironing, but did try when I was ill or in hospital. I would never run his bath, quite capable to do it himself. When working late shift and arriving home at midnight, I would have stayed up and had a meal for him coming in, but would have told me to go on to bed many times, and he would see to himself. We worked as a team. Neither of us felt hard done by, we respected each other. That is mighty important. He would never have complained if house untidy, it always got done, sometimes things happen and everything isn't always spot on perfect. He often says he couldn't have done his job or got the qualifications he has, had it not been for my support. My imput in our family, although not financial has always been recognised. We now have our kids grown, health problems mean I have not returned to work, and we look after our daughter -(a single Mum) and grand-daughter. He makes sure granddaughter doesn't have any less than our kids had. Not exactly jumping to share chores now, but will do if asked. You need to be respected and to respect yourself. Being together such a short time certainly should not allow him to behave as he is. Speak up!!
  • andygb
    andygb Posts: 14,655 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    As the title really, what does your partner expect to be done for him? IE meals cooked/washing/ironing/cleaning/bath run etc. Or is it do 50/50 what you want when you want?


    Just a wee bit sexist don't you think?
    Of course, I get up at 6.00AM, get the missus her breakfast, put the first load of washing in, start making bread. Then see her off to work, do a few hours job searching, then tidy the house. Today I spent three hours doing the front garden (having not eaten since 7.00 last night). Then more job searching, and get the evening meal ready.
    I am the one who cleans the cars, does any DIY, and sees to all the household admin.
    She is working at the moment, but I would hope that she appreciates what I do as well.
  • VitaK
    VitaK Posts: 651 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    Two adults should be able to figure out and agree to a work distribution both can accept. Be it 10/90, 50/50 or 90/10. To me, this story sounds abit towards the domestic abuse side.
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