How much are you expected/do you do for your partner?

gonzo127

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

See I look at things different, my previous relationship (only other relationship) was very violent and resulted in a lot of police/courts etc. He knows this because he was a friend then. So I really dont think he would be violent etc

abuse does not have to be violent!!!!

look up mental abuse and read about that, as what you are describing sound very much like the start of mental abuse

when i started reading this thread i was just going to put the basic break down that me and my wife have but i dont think that is even needed here, what he is doing and the way he is acting is wrong.

Chaos_Monkey

!!!!!! a brick - I missed the post referring to OP's previous relationship being violent......

So, now I'm wondering why this new guy, who knows what you've been through, thinks it's acceptable to behave like this? Surely he should be doing his best to show you that not all men are like your Ex, and treating you like his princess?

How long ago did you separate from your Ex, OP? Just wondering whether you've had enough time to yourself to not be vulnerable for the next abusive barstard to making you a target.....

Hiddenidenity

Chaos_Monkey wrote: »

!!!!!! a brick - I missed the post referring to OP's previous relationship being violent......

So, now I'm wondering why this new guy, who knows what you've been through, thinks it's acceptable to behave like this? Surely he should be doing his best to show you that not all men are like your Ex, and treating you like his princess?

How long ago did you separate from your Ex, OP? Just wondering whether you've had enough time to yourself to not be vulnerable for the next abusive barstard to making you a target.....

11 Months we have been split up BUT up until Xmas he was in my house etc. He was removed at Xmas and has been in prison since.

Chaos_Monkey

Thanks for answering, Hiddenidentity. You didn't have to, but it helps people to give more appropriate advice.

Do you see any similarities in how this current guy is treating you, and how your ex did? (apart from the violence, I mean). Do you remember back to the early days with your Ex, and how it was before the violence started?

Mojisola

It sounds like you've been targeted by another manipulative man - he probably knows that as long as he isn't physically violent with you, he can control you as much as he wants.

Does BM's thread - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3873231 - ring any bells with you?

Hiddenidenity

No hes totally 1000% different to the ex, he moved me away from my family, and things were "wrong" majorly wrong from the outset. I wouldnt have thought anything about this is my friend had said something to me.

Thanks I will have a read of that thread x

FatVonD

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

This is it, no matter whats done and how its done theres always something. If he told me x was wrong the next time I did it his way then something else is wrong

You need to get him out of your house pronto before he starts emotionally abusing your children too (though he already is if he is treating you like this in front of them.)

Fosterdog

I am not condoning the way he has been speaking to you at all and would never put up with it myself but just wondering if he even realises he's doing it?

My friends husband used to be like this with her and she had enough one day and told him it stopped there or they were over. He had never realised how bad he was or how much it upset her because she had never told him before. It turned out his own father used to treat his mother like that so it was all he's ever known and to him it was normal.

The day he almost lost her he sorted himself out and has been like a different person towards her since, that was five years ago and it did take time to break the habits of a lifetime but they are a much happier and stronger couple now and to make up for the past he insists on doing most of the housework and regularly treats her to spa days and generally treats her like a princess.

I'm not saying that this is what is happening to you and I know how bad emotional abuse can be but I have seen it from this side too. Of course only you know if he does it to control you or because he doesn't know any better.

What made the difference with me friend is that he realised he had a problem and did something about it.

FatVonD

I also think that one month is far too soon to have moved someone in with you, with or without children (regardless of how long you've known someone.)

Shovel_Lad

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

No hes totally 1000% different to the ex, he moved me away from my family, and things were "wrong" majorly wrong from the outset. I wouldnt have thought anything about this is my friend had said something to me.

Thanks I will have a read of that thread x

You've been together less than a month.
This is the outset.