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How much are you expected/do you do for your partner?
Comments
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Nothing. If either of us sees anything that needs doing, we do it.
If I'm home first, I'll cook. If she is, she does. If we are both home, I'll cook - because I love it - but we usually wash up together and have a chat as we do.
Similarly DW loves gardening but if things need watering and she has had a busy day, I'll pop out and do it.
We shop together because we both enjoy it. And every Saturday morning we do a big clean together and whizz round the house mopping, sweeping etc. I tend to tidy and do surfaces whilst she does the floors and laundry. I like to thing we split things pretty much equally.0 -
If my wife ran me a bath, I'd assume she was trying to tell me something.
In a tactful way.0 -
Things are majorly wrong here as well, I know you may not see it because it's better than what you had before, but really they are. This is not normal - this man is simply abusing you in a different way than your ex did.
When I read your post I was going to reply - if anyone "expected" anything off me, they'd get a big fat nothing. You treat people well because you love them, this man is not treating you well. But your situation is too serious to warrant flippant remarks
Have you contacted women's aid for advice on how to break out a cycle of abusive relationships. I really hope you can move on without him, and that things work out for you and your children, take care.Grocery challenge July £250
45 asd*/0 -
Hiddenidenity wrote: »I don't expect him to do anything, don't get me wrong. The children are "mine" not his, I don't expect him to do anything with them other than be polite when they are talking to him etc. I don't expect him to do anything around the house etc I don't mind (I enjoy) doing it all myself in my own little ways. I enjoy the cooking ironing etc. Its the arguments if its not "right" that bothers me, that its now expected. I've been having treatment and some days might not want to iron that days load of washing for example, but for him it has to be done then!
I'm a little bit upset (?not sure the right word) that he expects his tea done when he wants it, no matter what I'm doing at the time, He expects his bath run, ironing done a certain way just when hes ready. Also other things like he will tell me to do X this way and if it isn't its a major argument resulting in him storming off/shouting etc.
A month in I'd 'expect' still to be dating, doing nice things together and not falling into uncomfortable one sided domesticity. I'd expect him to want to treat me kindly and do nice things for me - not complain at me or demand from me!
ETA - I do sometimes run hubby bath - not because he expects me too but if I can see he's tired or stressed I might run him a bath as gesture and way of ensuring he takes bit of time outPeople seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
Ralph Waldo Emerson0 -
Your boyfriend sounds like a nutcase and you should be hearing massive alarm bells going off. He sounds like hes about to lead you right up the same path that the last man led you down. Dont do it.
Youve been with him a month and youre already arguing?? And hes having a go at you for his tea and his bath? Life is too short.0 -
How dare he tell you what to do, never mind how to do it, in your own bloomin' house!
You need to stand up for yourself which I know is going to be very hard to do given your background. You say that you're worried about he'll react based on your experiences with your ex - why not try it the very next time he starts making his demands and see what happens. If he reacts badly, you'll know what do (tell him to head) - even if he's violent though you seem to think he won't be, at least you'll know and because you're not in too deep, it should be easier to deal with. If he's taken aback by what you say, good. It'll set the tone for the rest of the relationship.
Don't leave it too long to "see if things get better" - if it doesn't, you'll have a right battle on your hands. You need to lay down the law - your laws - not his.
Do it my way indeed..... I'm incensed!
ETA - I'm not suggesting that you provoke him esp. not to violence. If you think you're in danger, grab your kids and get out. Let the police deal if things get out of hand.0 -
Hiddenidenity wrote: »I don't expect him to do anything, don't get me wrong. The children are "mine" not his, I don't expect him to do anything with them other than be polite when they are talking to him etc. I don't expect him to do anything around the house etc I don't mind (I enjoy) doing it all myself in my own little ways. I enjoy the cooking ironing etc. Its the arguments if its not "right" that bothers me, that its now expected. I've been having treatment and some days might not want to iron that days load of washing for example, but for him it has to be done then!
I'm a little bit upset (?not sure the right word) that he expects his tea done when he wants it, no matter what I'm doing at the time, He expects his bath run, ironing done a certain way just when hes ready. Also other things like he will tell me to do X this way and if it isn't its a major argument resulting in him storming off/shouting etc.
My OH comes from a culture where women do all the housework (including any work around the home ie gardening etc) and men go out to work and make the money.
The very first time he made a comment to me, when we started living together permanently (ie we were both working and we had a toddler as well) about the dishes not being done one evening, I told him if he wasn't happy with any aspect of the housework, he was perfectly at liberty to do it himself. No need for raised voices, and we didn't have any.
There isn't an excuse for your OH to strop because you haven't done whatever around the house exactly to his specifications. He's not your Dad or your lord and master. If he's not happy, I'm assuming he's able-bodied and can therefore do everything exactly the way he wants it, himself?0 -
Hiddenidenity wrote: »He doesn't live with me and like I say works away 4 days a week. Thanks fothabks againr all the replies I will talk to him. It's partly my fault as I'm worried to say things after what happened in my last relationship iykwim
he doesn't live with you, yet you do his ironing, make his tea and run him a bath - and he expects all those things from you and tantrums if he doesn't get them?
Are you/he for real? Did you offer to do all these things, were they your suggestions? I'm just wondering, because I've never offered to do any of that stuff for someone I don't live with, and I've never suggested a gf/bf would do that for me either, if we didn't live together.0 -
I am SAHM but my full-time job is looking after our DD, NOT housework, so the following does rankle:
Cooking - me
Hoovering - me
Dusting - me
Cleaning windows - me
cleaning toilets and bath - me
Washing clothes - me
Buying food - me
Meal planning - me
Gardening - me
Washing floors - me
tidying - me
Sorting DD's clothes - me
Organisation of any household maintenance - me
Booking and going to of any of DD's appointments with hospital or dentist - me
Bins - him
Changing beds - him
Mowing - him
Weekend lunches (sarnies) - him, after I revolted and said he had to do them
Bedtime routine for DD - him (mostly)
I feel taken for granted as he doesn;t usually even do the washing up which is supposed to be his job, by agreement, but in fact gets left and so I have to do it because I cannot abide a dirty kitchen all day and often run out of pans to cook with because even if he does wash up he usually only does two thirds of what is there and leaves the rest.:cool: DFW Nerd Club member 023...DFD 9.2.2007 :cool::heartpuls married 21 6 08 :A Angel babies' birth dates 3.10.08 * 4.3.11 * 11.11.11 * 17.3.12 * 2.7.12 :heart2: My live baby's birth date 22 7 09 :heart2: I'm due another baby at the end of July 2014! :j
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balletshoes wrote: »he doesn't live with you, yet you do his ironing, make his tea and run him a bath - and he expects all those things from you and tantrums if he doesn't get them?
Are you/he for real? Did you offer to do all these things, were they your suggestions? I'm just wondering, because I've never offered to do any of that stuff for someone I don't live with, and I've never suggested a gf/bf would do that for me either, if we didn't live together.
Exactly. He should be coming to your house and asking if it's OK if he runs himself a bath. Or "do you mind if I have my dinner here?" Not expecting you to do it. You wouldn't let your family or friends order you about like that would you?
Or would you? Is it just the way you are? Doing things for other people without ever questioning it? If so, break the habit now or you'll be doing it for the rest of your life.0
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