How much are you expected/do you do for your partner?

Gillyx

I'm at home with out son and my OH works. Like skintchick though with a baby to look after, I often find it difficult to get things done during the day so have to do it at night, once my OH is home from work.

He'l usually sit and watch tv or play about on the computer/phone while I'm doing them which annoys me. He tells me he's "worked hard all day" like I've been sitting on my bum.

Generally though he does help, I do all the unloading and loading of the dishwasher, cooking, washing and ironing. He'l help out with cleaning/hoovering, putting bins out, any DIY.

Spottedleopard

My partner is moving in with me next month.

We have a cleaner to do the heavy cleaning during the week but everything else will be split 50/50- taking it in turns to cook evening meal, doing our own washing/ironing etc.

My friends think im being a pushover- but i'm not the sort to expect my mrs to be chained to the kitchen sink- especially when she is working more than I am!

Hiddenidenity

Thank you for your replies I can't reply to them all on my phone but I will talk to him, I think I am being too over sensitive because I have had a bad day. Thanks again

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi, personally I think so long as you are both happy with the way things work it doesnt matter who does what.

I am a full time carer for our son and hubby works long hours. I do absolutely everything, the finances, the garden, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning and as much DIY as I can manage. I see this as my job and I take pride in it. Hubby doesnt expect me to do any of this and he would never dream of complaining if it wasnt done.

Its the whole expectation thing that worries me, no-one should feel under pressure to live up to the expectations of their partner. Hope a chat clears the air and sorts things out for you.

duchy

You've been together a month.

He doesn't live with you and your children -he visits your home. He's a guest-a guest who shouts about the meals he is offered (and that you presumably pay for) and demands you run him a bath ?

Do you have a big sign outside your door that says "Hotel" ?

I'm sorry but the way he is behaving is 1 Not normal and 2 Is very bad mannered

dottydee854

I am a SAHM to Two kids, and i have to admit i do everything, from cooking everything from scratch, washing up, laundry, tidying, taking ds to and from school, doctors ect. I dont get a offer for help, not that i mind SOMETIMES, as i take pride in my work and love having the oppurtunity to nurture my kids and do what i want with them. My partner is a night work usually working 10 hours a night so he is rarely 'around' to help. But he is lazy as well. And sometimes he does have a whinge if he can't find a 't-shirt' to wear because he hasn't put it in to wash. Or if the children make too much noise whilst he watches his football or CSI on t.v....But i put that down to tiredness and not being able to do things like the rest of us 'day' people.
After a month though....Seems like he is getting his feet really under the table. If my OH had done that after a month, he would have been shown the door. He doesn't live there right? So he has no right to whinge if somethings not done.

X Chelle x

amyloofoo

duchy wrote: »

You've been together a month.

He doesn't live with you and your children -he visits your home. He's a guest-a guest who shouts about the meals he is offered (and that you presumably pay for) and demands you run him a bath ?

Do you have a big sign outside your door that says "Hotel" ?

I'm sorry but the way he is behaving is 1 Not normal and 2 Is very bad mannered

I agree with all of the above... You've been together for a month and he behaves like this? You're supposed to be in the honeymoon period... things are NOT going to spontaneously get better, you need to put your foot down.

What also concerns me is that you say he shouts if things aren't done the way he'd like. Are your children around for this? How do they feel about a strange man coming into their house and shouting at their mother?

maybebaybe

amyloofoo wrote: »

I agree with all of the above... You've been together for a month and he behaves like this? You're supposed to be in the honeymoon period... things are NOT going to spontaneously get better, you need to put your foot down.

What also concerns me is that you say he shouts if things aren't done the way he'd like. Are your children around for this? How do they feel about a strange man coming into their house and shouting at their mother?

Totally agree

jamespir

i tend to do a lot my gf has ocd so does the cleaning cause if i do it i apparently dont put the stuff back where she likes it

Hiddenidenity

amyloofoo wrote: »

What also concerns me is that you say he shouts if things aren't done the way he'd like. Are your children around for this? How do they feel about a strange man coming into their house and shouting at their mother?

No my children aren't, also he isn't a "strange man" like I said in a previous post we have been very good friends for years, even before I had children. So the kids have always known him. Theres no way if I'd have met someone away from who the kids have seen I'd have introduced them to anyone so soon. Its only because he was a regular visitor anyway iykwim?