In Laws issue.

barbiedoll

I'm with most of the other posters on this one. OP, you said that your wife was apprehensive at the thought of your parents moving to the same area as you but she was reassured that her privacy would be respected. Moving to the same area is one thing but to the same street? I'm not surprised that she is hacked off, and clearly, if your father is tapping on windows and peering in whenever he likes, her privacy is NOT being respected!

You need to tell your parents that they have to back off and let your wife live in peace in her home. Grandparents or not, they have absolutely no right to come round whenever they feel like it, nor do they have the right to look in the windows. This is a gross invasion of her privacy and it's no wonder that she is annoyed. They are your parents, you have grown up with them and you feel comfortable and relaxed in their company. Can your wife say the same? Of course they want to see their grandchild but they can't just demand to see the baby several times a week, if they have given up their friends and life in another town, just so that they can dote on your child, then that's their lookout.

Your wife has a long-awaited, six-month old baby and she probably doesn't want to farm her out to relatives just yet, she may want to spend her time caring for, and getting to know her child. And now she has the pressure of pushy grandparents, coming round whenever they want. Bloody cheek, you're lucky she hasn't booted you out to live back with them, if my husband sided with his parents on such an issue, he'd be out on his ear.

Tell your parents that they need to use a bit of common sense and leave your wife alone for the time being. And some manners wouldn't go amiss either!

balletshoes

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

This is more of rant than anything else, but here we go.

Bit of background first, my wife and I had been trying for a baby for over 5 years, last Nov we had a beautiful baby girl. At that time my parents lived in London (have done for 30 odd years). We live in the Midlands. A couple of years ago we moved to a semi rural area, my parents came to visit and really liked the area and said that they were thinking of moving away from London to be near us (and the baby of course).
My wife was very apprehensive about this, my parents said they would respect our privacy etc. My parents looked at a few houses and finally purchased one in the same close we live in (just a few minutes walk away). They go past our house whenever they go out ( to the shops or whatever).

The problem is that my wife is getting more and more annoyed with my parents (well my Mum really) being so close. My Mum texts us every couple of days, I'd like for them to see my daughter a few times a week, but my wife seems to almost want to cut them off from seeing her. For instance, last week I suggested to my wife that my parents could take our daughter out for a walk on the weekend as the weather had improved, this would give my parents time with the baby and give my wife and I some free time, this ideal was dismissed out of hand.
I'm tried discussing this situation with my wife, she just says that I won't ever understand it (I don't) as its a woman thing.

My Dad has a habit of popping up to see us and just tapping on the front windows (which freaks my wife out). We've asked him to not do this, but txt us if he's coming round.

I should add that my parents only other grandchild lives in Hong Kong. My parents are both retired (my Dad semi retired) and left family and a big circle of friends behind in London. I'm happy for then to see the baby mulitple times a week, however, I don't think that will happen, I'm worried if this doesn't get sorted, that my wife will make me choose between my parents and my child. I just don't understand her reluctance to let my parents see our baby more.

I want my wife to be happy and for my parents to be part of my babys life, is that too much to ask for ?

I've read all the posts in this thread OP.

Do you not see that to your wife (if she's home in the day with baby while you're working and your parents are also home) might feel she's constantly under supervision, as your parents have to pass your house every time they go anywhere? That would drive me batty!
Its not much wonder she doesn't want to spend much time with them (and frankly, I wouldn't be impressed with being expected to entertain my parents or in-laws multiple times a week either). As for the tapping on the window - you have to stop your Dad doing that, if anyone tapped on my window before knocking on the door I'd jump a mile.

How much time do you as a family spend with your parents? Any time at all?

Ask your wife, calmly, how she feels about all this. And reassure her that if there are problems that you only want to help her and support her. And yes, be prepared to hear she isn't happy with your parents living in the same street as her (honestly I wouldn't be happy with this, its way too close for comfort in my book - I'm another who doesn't care for unnanounced visits from anyone, and if I don't want to answer the door/phone, I don't).

thegirlintheattic

Your wife is being unreasonable. It's not a woman thing. You need to make it clear to her that your parents have a right to see their grandchild.

I agree your parents need to phone instead of just popping round but cutting them out is not right.

Prehaps suggest again that for an hour or so every few days baby goes to the grandparents. Then if she doesn't like your parents she doesn't have to entertain them.

arbroath_lass

I'd be absolutely horrified if my or my DH's parents felt they had to text before coming over. They are all welcome at any time. They all knock at the door (they don't have to) and come straight in. They're family. Friends do the same.

If we're out they'll come back another time. Same if we're busy or on our way out.

Why on earth do family and friends need an appointment to visit?

BTW I lived in the same street as my in-laws for eight years - I loved it.

fluffnutter

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

Your wife is being unreasonable. It's not a woman thing - it's a selfish women thing. You need to make it clear to her that your parents have a right to see their grandchild.

I agree your parents need to phone instead of just popping round but cutting them out is not right.

No one's suggesting the grandparents should be cut out. I do find it odd that a woman asking only for a little bit of privacy to enjoy her much longed-for baby is either suffering from PND or selfish.

balletshoes

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I'd be absolutely horrified if my or my DH's parents felt they had to text before coming over. They are all welcome at any time. They all knock at the door (they don't have to) and come straight in. They're family. Friends do the same.

If we're out they'll come back another time. Same if we're busy or on our way out.

Why on earth do family and friends need an appointment to visit?

BTW I lived in the same street as my in-laws for eight years - I loved it.

thats fine for you but clearly not everyone feels like that (including me).

mummyroysof3

im actually very suprised at this thread..i expected that everyone would say how selfish she is being and should let them baby sit whenever they want...its nice to see that most replies have been suportive towards the new mother and realise that her feelings are important

reehsetin

balletshoes wrote: »

thats fine for you but clearly not everyone feels like that (including me).

Me either, it would seriously unnerve me and leave me feeling like I had to be on guard as someone could just pop up! And I'd feel the same if it was my parents!

Op recognise that everyone is different and this is obviously making your wife anxious, I'd find out what she is comfortable with and compromise from there

paddy's_mum

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

your parents have a right to see their grandchild.


cutting them out is not right.

And this wife/mother has an even stronger right to have her views take precedence over those of anyone else, including the father of the baby. How dare these people treat her in this fashion. It is a fraction of an inch away from bullying, in my view.

Cutting the grandparents out is what happens when people refuse to treat the baby's mother as the equal she is!

mummyroysof3

i dont like unexpected visitors either..dont have to give a time as such but helpful to know they are popping up so you arent in the middle of something