In Laws issue.

HeatherintheHills

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Hi
This is Tyler's wife, firstly I would like to thank you all for the replies and thank you for helping my husband see where I am coming from. I have mentioned to him on numerous occasions my concerns and not getting anywhere that's why I put it down to maybe being a woman thing. I would also like to say that I have never and wouldn't ever stop my daughter from seeing her grandparents.

The things that irk me the most is that they are far too close for comfort as has been said that they have to go past our house every time they the leave the close. I'm quite a private person and don't like people popping in on the off chance, also the tapping at the window really really annoys me. Once I was poorly and feeding my daughter when hubbies dad popped up at the window without warning. Since they have moved here we have seen them nearly every weekend bar 3 (1 when we were ill with the vomiting bug and 2 when they were on holiday) Is it too much to ask to spend a weekend with my husband and daughter? This is the time I get to catch up on jobs around the house etc. As Tyler mentioned he wanted his folks to take our daughter for a walk I said no because firstly his dad would just let her cry as its good for her ( that's what he says) She is a very happy baby and never cries unless shes tired and secondly, every time she sees them esp granny she cries.

I do feel as if my privacy has been invaded and I just want to enjoy my baby without the hassle of having the in laws turning up. I feel as if I'm being judged all the time and even small things have now started to really annoy me about them. I have always got on well with them but this is really making me hate them.

We haven't really had a chance to talk things through today as mother in law was around tonight but we have briefly discussed it and will be setting up some boundaries, Tyler will be talking to his parents this weekend about it.

I just want to thank you all again as I felt I was going mad and making things up in my head but you have all voiced my inner most thoughts and those that I have voiced with my husband, Once again thank you!

Hi and welcome Mrs D

If this thread has helped Mr D understand the issue then I'm really, really pleased.

The bit in bold just typifies what I imagine you are going through, just when you are making progress with your hubby up pops MIL. :rotfl: You may have to invest some time teaching hubby to say "no, not tonight" firmly enough for his parents to get it.

I hope the talks go well and you find a workable solution.

Good luck Honey

snowleopard61

Hi Mrs D and thank you for being brave enough to post your own message. I think you've been put in an awful position and, like many other posters (am surprised just how many), I too absolutely loathe visitors turning up unannounced. TBH I avoid making friends with neighbours because of the risk of setting up a situation like this, though I've always lived too far away from my own late parents (unfortunately) and my now ex mother-in-law (fortunately) for it even to be an issue with them. My own parents were an absolute model of gently supportive non-interference; my ex-MIL was far from easy to like (and this was the case not just for me but for her own parents, sister and son!) but the one thing I can say for her is that she didn't interfere!

However my own parents seemed to have a rather good compromise - we saw my father's parents (Mum's were 6000 miles away) twice a week on fixed days, once for a meal in our house and once for a meal in theirs. My father was a very devoted son and my granny was quite demanding, but this arrangement meant that it was easy for my father to see her on his own on a more casual basis without having to involve my mother. This worked very well. I think the key to it was that the boundaries were fixed - do hope you can find a solution for all of you too. Good luck, and enjoy your baby.

paddy's_mum

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Hi
This is Tyler's wife... I just want to thank you all again as I felt I was going mad and making things up in my head

Mrs D. You are a better woman than I am. It took courage to write what you did but even more, your tolerance and willingness to stomach the almost intolerable for the sake of your loved ones is a lesson to many. I admire and applaud you for it.

I have quoted the above line as I really, truly, deeply hope that your husband and his parents can be made to see that they have punished you, and caused you undeserved grief and very real, deep distress.

I also think that your husband ought to be thanking his lucky stars that your love and loyalty to/for him was strong enough to stop you running away in despair.

If he doesn't learn from this, just let us know and quite a number of us will be round to kick his backside before sitting down to coffee and cake and taking it in turns to say 'it must be a bloke thing'!

I wish you all the very best of luck.

FatVonD

Thanks for posting Mrs D.

Enjoy your baby

londonsurrey

I was just reading about some birds that had nested in a cigarette bin.

There's a note on the bin to tell people use another bin, and not chuck things into it. The baby birds are doing well.

What I'm leading up to is that it is universally understood that you don't disturb a mother with its brood, you don't bang on the bin, and you don't bang on the window, especially once you've been asked not to!

SqueekyMouse

anguk wrote: »

The OP suggested to his wife that his parents take the baby for a walk at the weekend to give them some time with the baby and it would also mean he and his wife had some free time. But the wife wouldn't allow it.

Personally I think that would have been a good compromise, the in-laws would see their grand-daughter, the OP's wife would have had a few hours to herself and her own space.

She might not want time to herself, some new mums (inc myself) don't want to pass the care of their baby on to anyone else. Since they had difficulty conceiving, she may feel even more protective of her baby.

Although my LO's grandparents, aunts, uncles etc spend lots of time with her, they do it when I'm there because that's how I want it.

People have different views on how much time a mum and baby should spend together and the right time for mum to leave the baby in someone else's care. But the mum's wishes in this matter come first.


ETA: Thanks for posting Mrs D. Trust your instincts, you are totally entitled to your feelings and I hope your family starts to respect them. I'm sure they all have your baby's best interests at heart, but it can be difficult to see that when you feel so bombarded.