In Laws issue.

Tamsin_Temrin

If I ask some one politely not to do something and they repeatedly do it regardless, I get edgy.

Minimacka - if you were asked whether you wanted sugar in your tea, and you said 'no' but you got in anyway, whether you wanted it or not, no matter how much you explained you didnt like it, concerns about weight etc, And at least once every week you had to have sugar in your tea, even though you had repeatedly asked for no sugar and explained it - would it just be down to your irrational dislike of inlaws?

It could get to the stage where sugar in the tea was making you feel ill, but you still had to have it and your lovely hubby was trying to make you shut up and just have the sugar, no matter what your opinion? Because no matter what you wanted, it didnt matter. Your opinion about things did not matter, even though it was just a few spoons of sugar. So the days of being able to stomach sugar in your tea once a week, for the sake of peace, went west, because it wasnt about the sugar, it was about how little your opinion mattered. Just sayin.

btw - I reckon the OP is a troll, cos no-one could seriously be that stupid, but a good one. Caught me!

HeatherintheHills

minimacka wrote: »

If you read back through these posts then many of them who do not get on with their inlaws are in favour of the wife being the victim, whereas its the opposite if they say they like there mil, i was just basing my assumptions on this thread and the opinions on the posts.

But that isn't the case. And in expressing that it shows clearly that the situation the OP's wife finds herself in is beyond your understanding, so you find it difficult to feel any empathy with her. That is fine, it would be a boring and sad world if we all thought the same. Possibly the OP's parents think along the same lines as you, as does the OP, so they find it very difficult to work out why the OP's wife has a problem.

I moved hundreds of miles to live nearer (but not too near) my family. Some of them have an open door policy but others don't. I don't. My family call to say they are dropping in. Some of them have keys to my home but wouldn't dream of using them except in an emergency or by arrangement. It doesn't mean I love them any less and they know that. I always let them know when I'm going to visit too, even if they have an open door policy. It is just the way I am, what my life has taught me. Even though I was brought up in a home with an open door policy, my adult life experiences have resulted in me being a very private person. Those who love me respect this, even if they don't fully understand it.

I work unpredictable hours and have to sleep when I can, a lot like a new mum really. Much as I love my family I would really object to them popping round unexpectedly just as I'm trying to wake up, or am grabbing an hour's sleep, or have just started a housework blitz or something, usually at times that would seem very odd to them.

If someone persisted in just turning up unexpectedly, even to the point of tapping on and peering through the windows, I'd feel violated, how much I loved that person would have no bearing on the way they made me feel. Violated is a strong word but that is exactly how I would feel. I make no apology for that.

Respecting other people's wishes, even when you don't understand them, is essential. Especially within families.

minimacka

londonsurrey wrote: »

It's nice for you that you were entertained for a while.
I read these as the problems of real people, asking for help with real problems and am actually trying to help.

As you said, very different perspectives.

I didnt say i was entertained, i said it had passed my time, i appreciate these are real people with real problems but no one can really help them can they because we dont know the full situation.

minimacka

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

If I ask some one politely not to do something and they repeatedly do it regardless, I get edgy.

Minimacka - if you were asked whether you wanted sugar in your tea, and you said 'no' but you got in anyway, whether you wanted it or not, no matter how much you explained you didnt like it, concerns about weight etc, And at least once every week you had to have sugar in your tea, even though you had repeatedly asked for no sugar and explained it - would it just be down to your irrational dislike of inlaws?

It could get to the stage where sugar in the tea was making you feel ill, but you still had to have it and your lovely hubby was trying to make you shut up and just have the sugar, no matter what your opinion? Because no matter what you wanted, it didnt matter. Your opinion about things did not matter, even though it was just a few spoons of sugar. So the days of being able to stomach sugar in your tea once a week, for the sake of peace, went west, because it wasnt about the sugar, it was about how little your opinion mattered. Just sayin.

btw - I reckon the OP is a troll, cos no-one could seriously be that stupid, but a good one. Caught me!

what a strange way of looking at things, i dont take sugar in my tea actually and a little milk so if it was with sugar i would just not drink it

londonsurrey

minimacka wrote: »

I didnt say i was entertained, i said it had passed my time, i appreciate these are real people with real problems but no one can really help them can they because we dont know the full situation.

Following that logic, mothers should not intervene with children's disputes in the playground as they were not there, and don't know the full situation, the judiciary system should be made defunct, as they weren't there when it happened, and why bother reporting crime to the police? They have no real right to intervene if they weren't there at the time it happened.

Mediation services, couples counselling, entire swathes of industry, interaction and endeavour, all pointless. You've just saved the human race so much effort!

HeatherintheHills

minimacka wrote: »

what a strange way of looking at things, i dont take sugar in my tea actually and a little milk so if it was with sugar i would just not drink it

Do you really not "get" it?

minimacka

londonsurrey wrote: »

Following that logic, mothers should not intervene with children's disputes in the playground as they were not there, and don't know the full situation, the judiciary system should be made defunct, as they weren't there when it happened, and why bother reporting crime to the police? They have no real right to intervene if they weren't there at the time it happened.

Mediation services, couples counselling, entire swathes of industry, interaction and endeavour, all pointless. You've just saved the human race so much effort!

Actually i am a person who never just assumed that her child was right and if i wasnt there at the time and something happened between my two children and one was saying it was him and the other one was saying it was him then no i cannot tell any of them off i would just say to make up and play nice so to speak.

As in the judiciary system they do get to see all sides dont they? and yes if i saw something happening that i thought was wrong i would report it to the police as i have done in the past. The police are a completely different matter to family arent they its there job is to intervene? Mediation and counselling all get to see two sides of the story dont they? all i was saying is that if I had heard the wifes point of view then maybe i would of had a different opinion.

Tyler_Du

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

btw - I reckon the OP is a troll, cos no-one could seriously be that stupid, but a good one. Caught me!

Let me assure you that I'm not a troll (unlike some of the comments that have been posted, which I consider to be at the least borderline trolling), neither am I stupid thank you very much.

Time for you (all) to put your pitchforks away. Some of you have taken what I've posted and completely run with it haven't you. Lets just say 1 + 1 does not equal 99.

My wife is reading this thread, we are dealing with the situation. To those who have offered sincere sensible advise we thank you. Nothing more to be said really.

minimacka

HeatherintheHills wrote: »

Do you really not "get" it?

It was suppose to sound light hearted

minimacka

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Let me assure you that I'm not a troll (unlike some of the comments that have been posted, which I consider to be at the least borderline trolling), neither am I stupid thank you very much.

Time for you (all) to put your pitchforks away. Some of you have taken what I've posted and completely run with it haven't you. Lets just say 1 + 1 does not equal 99.

My wife is reading this thread, we are dealing with the situation. To those who have offered sincere sensible advise we thank you. Nothing more to be said really.

I am so pleased that you and your wife are dealing with the situation and if i have said anything to affend either of you then i appolgise.

Good luck in resolving this for the sake of your little girl.