In Laws issue.

paddy's_mum

Look - it's quite simple, really.

By virtue of the fact that she was able to give informed consent to marry, I think it can safely be assumed that the DIL is a normal, rational, reasonable and healthy adult.

She expressed entirely logical misgivings over the in laws situation. Her wishes, doubts, fears, objections (call it what you will) have been completely trampled underfoot. She is in what amounts to almost a siege situation.

In short, with the PIL contacting her in one form or another "every couple of days" and FIL "has a habit of popping up to see us" the DIL's rights to decide who, what, where and when have been UTTERLY ERODED. What visiting policy others have is totally irrelevent. This woman, in her own home, is being subjugated to the (no doubt lovingly intended) wishes of others.

Where is the morality or natural justice in that?

In her shoes, I'd be smacking a few gobs :mad:

hawk30

minimacka wrote: »

I think that the 2 different perspectives on here are the people who do not get on with there inlaws and the people who do get on with there inlaws.

If i didnt get on with my inlaws then maybe my opinion would differ from the one i have now, i cannot imagine how horrible it would be to have a m.i.l. from hell and to feel like you cant do anything right.

I get on with my inlaws, but there is no way I would want them living on the same road (same with my parents). We are all entitled to our privacy.

minimacka

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Look - it's quite simple, really.

By virtue of the fact that she was able to give informed consent to marry, I think it can safely be assumed that the DIL is a normal, rational, reasonable and healthy adult.

She expressed entirely logical misgivings over the in laws situation. Her wishes, doubts, fears, objections (call it what you will) have been completely trampled underfoot. She is in what amounts to almost a siege situation.

In short, with the PIL contacting her in one form or another "every couple of days" and FIL "has a habit of popping up to see us" the DIL's rights to decide who, what, where and when have been UTTERLY ERODED. What visiting policy others have is totally irrelevent. This woman, in her own home, is being subjugated to the (no doubt lovingly intended) wishes of others.

Where is the morality or natural justice in that?

In her shoes, I'd be smacking a few gobs :mad:

"A TAD EXTREME" :eek:

londonsurrey

Other than telling his wife to play nicely with the in-laws, the husband didn't mention any actions he has taken to facilitate an increase their contact with the baby.

By this I mean inviting them over x times a week in the evening when he's home, or taking the baby over to them in the evening, so allowing his wife her own space, and time to take a bath, etc.

fluffnutter

minimacka wrote: »

I dont think its the time to be polite really, not wanting your inlaws to see your child really needs sorting out and reasons given dont you think? If you were the grandparents wanting desparately to see your new grandchild but not being able to would you not want to know why? and as the father of the child do you not think he deserves a justified answer?

Why do you think this? This isn't what it's about. Most posters are able to analyse this situation and understand how it's come about and why the wife is upset. It's not rocket science what's going on and to suggest this is a case of one woman just deciding on a whim that she doesn't want her parents-in-law to see her daughter is a gross misreading of the problem.

londonsurrey

minimacka wrote: »

"A TAD EXTREME" :eek:

It might be, but Paddy's Mum comes across as a lady who pins her colours to the mast, and warns people loudly, clearly and repeatedly.

If, after all that, they persist in ignoring her whilst seeking out her company, they're not really entitled to be surprised at her actions (which she has clearly, loudly and repeatedly warned them about)

minimacka

fluffnutter wrote: »

Why do you think this? This isn't what it's about. Most posters are able to analyse this situation and understand how it's come about and why the wife is upset. It's not rocket science what's going on and to suggest this is a case of one woman just deciding on a whim that she doesn't want her parents-in-law to see her daughter is a gross misreading of the problem.

Most posters assume they know whats going on, no-one knows for sure other than the op and his wife !!!!!

fluffnutter

minimacka wrote: »

I think that the 2 different perspectives on here are the people who do not get on with there inlaws and the people who do get on with there inlaws.

If i didnt get on with my inlaws then maybe my opinion would differ from the one i have now, i cannot imagine how horrible it would be to have a m.i.l. from hell and to feel like you cant do anything right.

Utter bollocks. I adore my MIL. My sympathies still lie with the OP's wife though.

You're reducing this situation to merely whether people like their inlaws or not, which is facile and irrelevant. It's about expectations and the fact that the wife wasn't listened to by her husband, not who likes whom.

minimacka

londonsurrey wrote: »

It might be, but Paddy's Mum comes across as a lady who pins her colours to the mast, and warns people loudly, clearly and repeatedly.

If, after all that, they persist in ignoring her whilst seeking out her company, they're not really entitled to be surprised at her actions (which she has clearly, loudly and repeatedly warned them about)

I dont know paddys mum though do i nor have i looked back on past threads to see what she is like. I just think that violence is not the answer.

londonsurrey

minimacka wrote: »

Most posters assume they know whats going on, no-one knows for sure other than the op and his wife !!!!!

If you want to be that pedantic, it's actually the wife and in-laws who know what's going on. The OP is just being told various things by his parents and wife, and he's told the wife to not be so difficult.

We're using our intelligence to deduce likely scenarios based on what has been said.

Using your criteria, the OP doesn't know the real situation, and shouldn't be posting on here. Similarly, there is no actual point in people posting problems on here for help. That's it. This chatboard and others like it are pointless and should be made defunct as the general population are incapable of deriving solutions and trying to help others.