In Laws issue.

Tamsin_Temrin

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Wow, wasn't expecting such a range of responses, I'm a bit taken aback to be honest. Thanks for all the (mostly) sensible replies, I'm going to get my wife to read them all so that we can get this issue sorted before things get worse.

Is that trying to work out where you wife is coming from or delegating the girlie stuff to the girlie? Just suggesting that it may help if your wife thinks that you are proactive and on her side. Not just showing her what a load of people think and leaving her to get on with it.

btw - I'm still with moving asap.

Gavin83

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Wow, wasn't expecting such a range of responses, I'm a bit taken aback to be honest. Thanks for all the (mostly) sensible replies, I'm going to get my wife to read them all so that we can get this issue sorted before things get worse.

I'm not sure thats necessary, or even a good idea to be honest.

Just sit her down and say you don't want to argue or judge but ask her what her issue is with the situation. Once you've got more of a clear idea of what the problem is you can come to a solution and compromise together.

Don't except 'I don't wish to discuss it, it's a woman thing' as an answer. Honestly, if you don't sort this out it will start to affect your marriage

j19842

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I'd be absolutely horrified if my or my DH's parents felt they had to text before coming over. They are all welcome at any time. They all knock at the door (they don't have to) and come straight in. They're family. Friends do the same.

What if you were half way through having spontaneous sex on the staircase?

londonsurrey

j19842 wrote: »

What if you were half way through having spontaneous sex on the staircase?

I did consider that. Unfortunately, my ex-MIL is the type who is thick skinned enough not to think that she's done anything to apologise for.

If I were lucky, she'd continue through to the kitchen, and then shout out, "Do you want a cup of tea?". If I were unlucky, she'd probably stand there, watching, and say "Oooh.... Do you want a cup of tea?". And THEN stand there, blatantly staring.

I know this, because she used to barge into our bedroom in the morning, and stand beside the bed, trying to chat!

Am I the only one with an ex-MIL like that?

FatVonD

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

Wow, wasn't expecting such a range of responses

What range of responses, I've rarely seen a thread where so many of the posters were in agreement?!

Tyler_Durden_UK wrote: »

I'm going to get my wife to read them all so that we can get this issue sorted before things get worse.

She doesn't need to read them, she knows already! The ball is in your court now to either sort out your parents or get the house on the market.

BJV

My husband and my parents get on like a house on fire, I can not bear to be in the same room as his mum and dad. In fact when I first met him they offered me money ( quiet a lot really ) to brake up with him. Mmmmm nice. =That was over twenty years ago so guess I made the right decision.

I am lucky in some respects they live in another country so we always know when they are coming and I dread every second. I can see your wife's point of view. Totally ! She needs a bit of space but it is hard. Over the years I have now come to accept that I do not like his parents never will, I know that is upsets my husband but that is life. I can just about tolerate them and show them some amount of civil behaviour when the kids are around but when they are not there we don't even speak. It is just horrible.

Think in the end we have just come to terms with it. The kids will never suffer and see go to see them a couple of times a year ( holidays ) . Ok guess I am ranting now but well all i can say is that my husband moved to another country for me.

You should tell you mum and dad the rules, your rules. Your wife is your family now.

Gavin83

I'm sure she'll be happy to accept the free childcare when the time comes for her to return to work, despite how much she complains about them living close.

lostinrates

londonsurrey wrote: »

I did consider that. Unfortunately, my ex-MIL is the type who is thick skinned enough not to think that she's done anything to apologise for.

If I were lucky, she'd continue through to the kitchen, and then shout out, "Do you want a cup of tea?". If I were unlucky, she'd probably stand there, watching, and say "Oooh.... Do you want a cup of tea?". And THEN stand there, blatantly staring.

I know this, because she used to barge into our bedroom in the morning, and stand beside the bed, trying to chat!

Am I the only one with an ex-MIL like that?

I don't have a mil, but i do have a fil. He once came into our room without knocking in the evening about fifteen minutes after we had gone to bed. (we were all staying in the same family home that was not his for a few weeks) And started chatting and asking if we wanted him to bring us up a coffee etc etc, I was a bit surprised but had no need to redraw my line in the sand, dh did it very clearly but politely.

londonsurrey

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't have a mil, but i do have a fil. He once came into our room without knocking in the evening about fifteen minutes after we had gone to bed. (we were all staying in the same family home that was not his for a few weeks) And started chatting and asking if we wanted him to bring us up a coffee etc etc, I was a bit surprised but had no need to redraw my line in the sand, dh did it very clearly but politely.

That's where gender does out. We were offered tea. :rotfl:

lostinrates

FatVonD wrote: »

What range of responses, I've rarely seen a thread where so many of the posters were in agreement?!



She doesn't need to read them, she knows already! The ball is in your court now to either sort out your parents or get the house on the market.

You know, i don't think its a bad idea for the wife to read that other peop
Le are on her wavelength.

When her immeadiate geographical family...her husband an in laws, are out numbering her in their point of view she may well feel a little like she is defending the indefensible, whereas our feed back clearly suggests she has grounds for discomfort and setting new boundaries so that they can move forward to a place where she feels less invaded and her in laws might become that wonderful feature in the childs life they want to be.

The other thing i would like to say is that i am also really pro multigenerationalism in families. I know my great grandparents were a powerful source for good in my parents lives, and see what they have done for my neices. I would have hoped had i had a child that my parents really would have been Grand PARENTS in its life, and my father in law too, but i hold it only works where people are respectful of each other and give each other time, space an privacy.

Its not imposssible to do close at hand, as we have done it, but it does require more personal discipline.