Is my husband being unreasonable or is it me ?

scooby088

I think hubby is not being unreasonable, at 16 i was expected to get up for work and get to work myself, what if you haven't got a car to run your daughter about, what would happen then? For me your DD should be semi independent and realise to come back home a bit earlier than relying on a lift to get home. It's about time management and responsibilty, saying that though I wouldn't mind once in a while but not on a regular basis.

BitterAndTwisted

I don't think he's being completely unreasonable. I wouldn't want to have to ferry someone around late on a Saturday night either: I'd much prefer to be able to have a couple of glasses of wine if I felt like it. It's all very well thinking "It's not such a big ask" when you don't have to do it yourself.

A half-hour on foot is no distance at all and the world out there is not as dangerous as some protective parents seem to think it is. But I don't know where you live and what that walk may be like. When I was her age I relied on only myself to get around and about.

I'd be having a chat with the boyfriend's mother and ask her how inconvenient it is for her to be doing this driving every Saturday night. She might not have a problem with it and may not expect you to take a turn. After all, it's only ten minutes there and back and she could be a teetotaller with plenty of time on her hands

jellyhead

You could always walk there, and walk her back yourself?

pinkclouds

emmalinestephen wrote: »

I cannot understand this attitude. My dad was always happy to give me lifts although I did not abuse the situation & I feel the parents in our circle of friends would do the same for their kids.

I agree with you and think your husband is a tad crazy not to offer to collect his daughter. My dad said it didn't matter what time I stayed out till so long as I called him to give me a lift home. And that was while I was at university! Also, ditto the others - you should take driving lessons. My dad insisted that I learnt how to drive... mind you, that was so I could do my own driving and not put myself at risk from perceived reckless "boy racers". The day you stop feeling protective - even over-protective - of your kids is the day you're dead.

Is dad perhaps protesting about something else...? Daughter at boyfriend's too often? Curfew too late? Daughter growing up? Doesn't know the boyfriend well enough (if he never comes round to your home)?

pinkclouds

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I'd be having a chat with the boyfriend's mother and ask her how inconvenient it is for her to be doing this driving every Saturday night. She might not have a problem with it and may not expect you to take a turn. After all, it's only ten minutes there and back and she could be a teetotaller with plenty of time on her hands

^This may be true too. Could totally see that happening. I don't drink and would be happy to do this for my kids.

themull1

Why can't she stay over and come home in the morning?

BitterAndTwisted

pinkclouds wrote: »

I agree with you and think your husband is a tad crazy not to offer to collect his daughter.

I disagree. Parents are not morally obliged to be a taxi-service at the beck and call of their children.

My dad said it didn't matter what time I stayed out till so long as I called him to give me a lift home. And that was while I was at university! Also, ditto the others - you should take driving lessons. My dad insisted that I learnt how to drive... mind you, that was so I could do my own driving and not put myself at risk from perceived reckless "boy racers".

That was very nice for you but I don't think that all parents should feel they have to do the same.

The day you stop feeling protective - even over-protective - of your kids is the day you're dead.

Cobblers! All parents should feel protective but their job is to help their kids gain independence. Being an unpaid tax-service when they don't want to be could make them dependent. And selfish. Being over-protective is not the positive characteristic you appear to think it is in my opinion.

Is dad perhaps protesting about something else...? Daughter at boyfriend's too often? Curfew too late? Daughter growing up? Doesn't know the boyfriend well enough (if he never comes round to your home)?

Who cares what the reasons are? Dad doesn't want to have to collect her, so he doesn't need to.

If it's so important for her to spend Saturday evenings at someone else's home, she could consider earning some spendies and paying for a cab herself. It's only five minutes drive away for heaven's sake..

Alias_Omega

I would not collect daughter unless it was en-route from something.

If they get themselves there, they should get themselves back. If they cant get back, then they need to get back earlier.

There has to be a cut-off with the apron strings or you will be giving them lifts at 17/18/19/20.

At 16, i was employed through a YTS earning £35 per week. I paid £20 to my parents. With limited income, I had to make choices.

I could get the bus all the way to work, or i could get the bus half way, have a McDonalds Hot Chocolate in the morning and walk the rest of it (1.5miles).

If i got the bus half way to work, then walked the rest. I could have chippy chips with my dinner. I would remove the processed ham from the daily sandwiches and have chip sandwiches.

So, getting a lift from parents would be a rare option even when they both could drive.

the_cat

I can't believe the number of posters who think it fair to expect a young teen lad to have an hours walk round trip just so that the girls dad can have a few drinks on a Saturday night. Why should it be down to him (and his family) to not only act as 'hosts' every week but to also provide accompaniament/taxi service door to door?

I suspect that the reason this lad's mother is bringing the DD home is that she does not want her son put at risk walking home alone late at night . So the situation of her leaving her son to walk the girl home isn't going to happen. Imo the mum would rather drop your daughter off than allow her son into that position

clays_mummy

if anything happened to your daughter he would regret not going to pick her up....every other weekend is fair