Is my husband being unreasonable or is it me ?

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

I'm puzzled to read all the posts that think learning to drive at 17/18 will make their offspring "safe". Far more young people are injured in traffic accidents when they're driving than do from being attacked when on foot or public transport.

It certainly makes them a lot more mobile.

I think what people worry about with a 16 year old girl walking alone at 11pm is sexual assault or rape. No, the chances aren't high, but its so awful when it does happen that its an understandable worry for a parent.

jumpingjackd

My youngest has only just passed her driving test for which I am truly thankful as it means the "taxi" service has now come to an end. However I would not have her walking for half an hour at night in todays climate, and we arranged to pick her up or she gets a taxi. Ithink its only fair if boyfriends mother does it one week then her own parents do it the following week, we used this arrangement when the kids were at nursery and school and seems to me to be a fair way of doing it otherwise it leads to resentment on the part of the driver all the time.
I can agree with some other posters on here in that what if anything happened on that walk home, they would never forgive themselves.
Bt the way I do think your husband is being unreasonable and lazy in allowing boyfriends mother to do all the running

bright_side

Dunroamin wrote: »

I'm puzzled to read all the posts that think learning to drive at 17/18 will make their offspring "safe". Far more young people are injured in traffic accidents when they're driving than do from being attacked when on foot or public transport.

They will be safer from attack when they are driving themselves around and I think that is the issue here. Something happening to my children when I 'could've' given them a lift is very different to something happening to them when they have choosen to take themselves somewhere in their own car. When they have use of their own transport we are no longer responsible for getting them safely from A to B.

treacle12

Hi,
I also have a 16 year old daughter and would not consider allowing her to travel home alone at that time of night. My husband would also not allow it. We would both be willing to collect her if necessary; although not every weekend! I don't believe that our responsibility to Safeguard our children ends at 16 years of age. Perhaps I am a bit of a worrier but I know I could never forgive myself if anything happened to my daughter. I can quite understand your concern. Be happy that you know where your daughter is and that she's not out at some wild party
Learning to drive would be wonderful. I bet you would do really well and soon wonder why you hadn't learnt sooner.

johnswife

My daughters are 22,nearly 21, 19, all away at university now so "taxi" free now for me and my husband. Between the three of them, we would take and pick them up in the week and weekends. To school, college, work, friends parties.
They would take buses when they could but where we live they are not that regular.
We did not mind.
THey did not take it for granted and we had peace of mind that they were safe.
Ironically my eldest daughter walks over 40mins in the early hours of the morning to get back from her part time job in Bristol and now I worry!!

mumps

daviecol wrote: »

So you wouldn't pick your 18 yr old daughter up from work after a 12 hour shift in a care home wiping old mens bums. But you would pick your 16 year old daughter up from her boyfriends after some hanky panky at 11pm?
Adopt me please!

Well if she was finishing work at 11 pm I would pick her up but wouldn't feel the need in broad daylight. When my 19 year old finishes a 12 hour shift on their nursing placement they make their own way home. Of course her uni is 200 miles away so doesn't really matter if she been wiping bums or not, she has to make their own way back. I know she is tired as a shift on a busy surgical ward is hard, gets back and has to start writing essays studying etc but if you risk assess it she is pretty safe.

Difference between an 18 or 19 year old and a 16 year old is that the 16 year old is a child and the parents responsibility and the 18/19 year old is an adult. If you were asking if a 16 year old should be out with their boyfriend it would be worth discussing but for me if I have let a child stay out till 11 pm I would pick them up.

Cat501

Person_one wrote: »

Indeed. Of course its important to hep your children learn independence, you don't do this by just refusing to do anything for them, that just teaches them they can't rely on you for a favour.


You can't become an independent adult overnight, a 16 year old doesn't have the same options as an adult so its not fair to expect them to behave like one. An independent adult can stay over at her boyfriend's if she wishes, or learn to drive, or pay for a taxi with money from her full time job that most 16 year olds don't have!

Couldn't agree more.

I'm amazed at the number of people saying that if she can't make her own arrangements to come home, then she shouldn't go out. Poor girl! What's she meant to do, stay home all the time because her father won't do his daughter a favour every couple of weeks? Jeez. She's 16, let her have a life and some fun, she's hardly taking advantage by the sound of it - many 16 year olds wouldn't want to be coming home at 11pm on a Saturday! If dad is doing something else (and that doesn't include having to record a programme!), fair enough...

OP I'm with you, I think fortnightly is fair, even if fortnightly you have to help her out with a taxi fare, meet her from the bus, whatever. Your OH's intransigence would pee me off a LOT, and knowing me it would niggle me long after a solution was reached, unless that solution involved him relaxing his position significantly Best of luck! x