Is my husband being unreasonable or is it me ?

moodydonkey

I do the school run every day 50 miles so on Friday I lock my car. I HATE anything that makes me get in it over the weekend. I will do it when the girls have a party or a sport event but I don't like doing it. So I understand why your hub doesn't want to. Would a taxi once a fortnight be a reasonable way to keep everyone happy. Research a firm you are happy with.

tiff

Well I wasnt allowed a boyfriend at 16 so that situation never came up. My Mum made it clear she wouldnt be running around after me so I always used to get the bus/taxi or drive once I had passed my test.

I have mixed feelings about this situation as my friend will leave a party to pick up her 18 y/o dd or 21 y/o DS as she doesnt want them walking anywhere at night. THAT will not be happening in this house but I think at 16 I would take my turn once a fornight but once they are working/18 then I think the responsibility is theirs.

My oldest will be 15 in November and hardly leaves his bedroom lol

Spendless

Tbh I don't understand the emphasis on you learning to drive. Yes it would be very helpful to you in many ways in the long run, but in the short term with your current situation, it's not as if you can ring tomorrow for a driving lesson and have passed your test by the next time DD goes to boyfriends is it? Well, not unless you have £1k+ to throw at an intense driving course.

Meanwhile I'd start asking - the boyfriend's mum, if she minds always doing the run or thinks she should only do half. DD and boyfriend about alternatives such as coming home by bus even if it means setting off a bit earlier, or any other ways suggested on here and DH about why you and he seem to have different 'values' over this (is it the first time you've not been singing from the same hymn sheet and that's why you're upset), ask him about his workmates that "wouldn't do it either" since you're not convinced he/they are telling the truth. Ask him why he thinks it's acceptable for the boyf to walk 1/2 an hour home alone instead, if he says it isn't he'd run him back, ask why a 5 min journey is acceptable to him but a 10min one isn't.

minimoneysaver

How about looking for another solution instead of going round in circles?

* Let her get a taxi. As it's not more than a 5-10 minute drive, it wouldn't be more than £10. If she is babysitting for her cousin etc, I'm sure she has some spare money, and maybe you can help her out a bit.

* Let her stay at her BF's house as long as she is in her own room and the BF's mum isn't going out and leaving them alone.

* Invite the BF to your house, if you are going to be in and maybe he can stay at yours in a spare room.

* Call her BF's mum and discuss possible solution, to see what her expectations are and how she feels about looking for another solution, to her running YOUR daughter home every Saturday night.

Many times on here, I see arguments and people getting wound up. She's a young teen, sounds sensible and not at all selfish, from what OP has said. Why shouldn't she be able to hang out with her BF? It is up to the parents to provide their children with a safe way of being with their friends etc.

emmalinestephen

Thanks for the all the suggestions re taxis/staying over etc. I can definately see there are other options so will sit down with OH & DD to see what we can work out. I do think we need to plan as this weekend was just a disaster with eveyone falling out. But I do feel a lot better hearing eveybody's opinions & at least I got it all off my chest. So thanks

Lunar_Eclipse

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, but I have a similar view to you in terms of picking your daughter up.

I wouldn't feel happy about my daughter taking public transport or walking home at that time of night. I just think it has (albeit very small) risks that I wouldn't take myself, so wouldn't encourage in my children.

A fortnightly lift is really not anything to make a fuss over. I assumed the thread was going to be about a divided opinion on her staying the night. ;-)

Several people have commented on your lack of driving. I'm wondering why no-one has asked why they don't spend some Saturday evenings at your house?

tanjatucker

emmalinestephen wrote: »

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I think the crux of the matter is if my daughter asked me to get up at 5 am and walk to the next town in the pouring rain for shoelaces for her I would do it. That is, I would do anything for her. Why doesn't her Dad feel like that ?

Why would you do this? What is it teaching her in the long run other than she won't have to deal with problems herself, because other people will take care of it? Teaching a child to take responsibility, making their own decisions and dealing with issues themselves is so much more important than just 'doing anything' for them.

When I was 16 my dad would not entertain giving me a lift anywhere (other than maybe to the hospital if I were ill!) If I wanted to go somewhere I would walk, cycle, take the bus etc. It tought me to be organised and made me feel like my parents trusted me enough to let me get on with it. It also gave me a huge sense of freedom and independence, which I valued immensely as a teenager, much more than I would have valued the occasional lift in the rain or when tired!

So in answer to your question, I don't think your husband is being unreasonable at all. When our daughter gets to that age, I certainly won't be ferrying her around for her pleasure, and neither will my husband. Lifts will be reserved for special occasions and emergencies.

mountainofdebt

Can anyone tell me when staying over at a boyfriend's house equated with them sharing the same room/bed?

Before we were married, if I stayed at my my future In-laws' house I slept in the spare room ON MY OWN. What made it all the more laugable was that we were living together at the time lol

bright_side

Not wanting to make any waves here, but I would be genuinely interested to know if those that are of the mindset that children should be more independant and parents less over protective, have ever been attacked or in a situation where they were seriously worried for their safety?

I only ask because I had several terrifying experiences when I was a child (and one as an adult) and I believe that is what makes me over protective of my children. I just wondered if it is the same for others?

balletshoes

karen23 wrote: »

Not wanting to make any waves here, but I would be genuinely interested to know if those that are of the mindset that children should be more independant and parents less over protective, have ever been attacked or in a situation where they were seriously worried for their safety?

I only ask because I had several terrifying experiences when I was a child (and one as an adult) and I believe that is what makes me over protective of my children. I just wondered if it is the same for others?

I think thats a very good point Karen.
I've been followed home once as a young adult, that was a bit scary (and stupid of me too, because I knew I should have got a taxi/bus but thought I'd save the money and walk it instead). But I wasn't attacked.
And no, nothing I would class as terrifying, despite travelling by bus/train everywhere in the evenings from the time I was 16 until I passed my driving test 2 years later.