Is my husband being unreasonable or is it me ?

jellyhead

My parents never gave lifts at night either. I got a lift to work in the morning though.

At night they just gave me a 9pm curfew and I had to keep to it until I left home. I didn't have friends in my house after that time either - nobody did unless it was a sleepover.

daisiegg

NickyBat wrote: »

I'd say unreasonable, it's not like it's every night, and my child's safety would come above all else.
.

A lot of people keep saying this, and it is true, BUT it's not your child's safety coming above all else - it's your child wanting to hang out with her boyfriend until 11pm coming above all else.

Can't people see the distinction? If the father was refusing to pick her up from school or work or something she has to do and can't change, I would completely agree. But it's basically saying - the daughter's Saturday night fun is more important than the father's. And why is that true, when he is the one working all week to support the daughter?

daisiegg

jellyhead wrote: »

My parents never gave lifts at night either. I got a lift to work in the morning though.

At night they just gave me a 9pm curfew and I had to keep to it until I left home. I didn't have friends in my house after that time either - nobody did unless it was a sleepover.

Agreed! (and I was the OP's daughter's age round about a decade ago so not exactly a million years ago)

NickyBat

daisiegg wrote: »

A lot of people keep saying this, and it is true, BUT it's not your child's safety coming above all else - it's your child wanting to hang out with her boyfriend until 11pm coming above all else.

Yes but it's ONCE a week, not every night.

daviecol

mumps wrote: »

I guess we all have different priorities, I wouldn't dream of driving my kids to work or picking an 18 year old up at 8 pm. Picking a 16 year old up at 11 pm? Yes that would be me.

Just to add when my OH worked shifts, in winter I would get up at 4.30 am to cook him a full English. Not only on Tuesdays either.

So you wouldn't pick your 18 yr old daughter up from work after a 12 hour shift in a care home wiping old mens bums. But you would pick your 16 year old daughter up from her boyfriends after some hanky panky at 11pm?
Adopt me please!

Spendless

When I was 30 and on my way to work one morning around 7am-ish when a man in a parked car on the opposite side of the road asked me if I'd rung for a mini-cab claiming his fayre hadn't shown and was I going to work and would I like a lift? He wasn't a mini-cab, he had no 'plates' at the back (can't think of correct name) and since he wasn't a black taxi I knew he wasn't allowed to tout for business. I stood and told him these things along with I was reporting his number plate to the police. He started begging me not to and I walked off. I was not afraid. Only when I got to work and told the incident to the store manager who immediately rang the police did I cry. Up till then I had had no thought about what the bogus drivers agenda was, I just knew he wasn't telling the truth. I never changed walking at that time in a morning if I had to. The only thing I would change, is I wouldn't stand there arguing with a strange bloke who is trying to lure me into his car. At the point I repeat the story to my kids, my message will be about how you tell what is a licensed cab rather than not letting them go out alone.

Savvy_Sue

One reason why my parents never gave me a lift anywhere is that they never learned to drive!!!

Dad would walk down to the local station to meet me if I was due back late but not too late, and if I hadn't taken my bike with me - it was a nasty walk, up a steep hill with an open park on one side and a fenced park on the other. The night I didn't get him to meet me because it was a bit on the late side for him was the night someone followed me and grabbed me and tried to get me into the park - fortunately I got away with no harm done.

DS1 and DS2 were each attacked locally, we know who by, and it does mean they are circumspect about where they go. DS1 also had his bike stolen from under him, practically outside our front door. DS3 fell off his bike several times when he first got it.

But it was when I discovered that he was cycling down a busy bus lane rather than using the cycle path on the other side of the road that I REALLY started to worry!!!

Fortunately I've inherited my mother's worry genes. She said that when we were at home, she didn't get off to sleep until we were home. Once we were away, she said she really didn't think about whether we were OK or not!

snuggle69

Well this is my view, yes your husband is being totally unreasonable, its not safe these days for the kids to be walking around.....This is from experience, I always offered all of my children lifts. One day my daughter wanted to walk.......she was raped.....I will never ever forgive myself for not insisting on giving her a lift. No one ever wants to go through what we have, to get the police knock on your door with this awful news was the worst day of my life.

bright_side

snuggle69, I am so, so sorry to hear that.

My daughter is 21 now and was sexually assaulted 4 years ago. It was only at that point that she realised why I had always insisted that she didn't walk around in the dark at night on her own. Just goes to show that even though I was always paranoid of something bad happening - I clearly hadn't passed my fears on to my daughter. Needless to say, she has that 'fear' now. Yes the risk of something dreadful happening may be slim, but it's a risk all the same.

Dunroamin

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

Life does go on, but I don't understand how that wouldn't make you more protective, when it actually happened to you? Im a little confused by your post.

So at age 15, you were attacked, accepted a lift from a stranger and have been flashed at on more than one occasion and you certainly weren't terrified?

So if you had a 15 year old DD you would put them in an unsafe situation to get attacked, be okay with them getting in a strangers car and have no problem with her being flashed? Sorry, but either your thinking is off or you've not explained yourself well.

As decent parents it is our responsibility to make sure our kids are safe and we try and teach them common sense.

PP

I'd certainly try to teach any children common sense but that doesn't mean living in fear; quite the opposite. I also object to the idea that I would be the one putting my child in danger if she were to do something foolish and against her upbringing. It certainly wasn't my mother's fault that I went against all her teaching and accepted a lift!

Perhaps it's an age thing but my experience is that people used to take things in their stride rather more than they do today. As an example, when we used to go to the cinema in my teens, it wasn't uncommon to have to move seats at least once because some rather dodgy man would sit next to you. I can even remember my mum warning me about this and telling me that this is what I should do if it happened.

My parents were exceptionally protective but I don't think they would have dreamed of stopping me going to the cinema just because of a minor inconvenience.