Is my husband being unreasonable or is it me ?

billa_champion

I would NEVER let my daughter travel by public transport if I could pick her up. We live in a messed up society and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her....

NickyBat

Better to be safe than sorry as the saying goes.

Dunroamin

NickyBat wrote: »

Better to be safe than sorry as the saying goes.

Not if it means living in a cage of your own devising.

There are more dangers to young people in dependency and a lack of independence than there are in random strangers.

heretolearn_2

Not if it means living in a cage of your own devising.

I agree with that. We can't live our lives in fear. for most people the risks now are actually less than in the past - it's our perception and information that has changed.

If people wish to impose these restrictions on themselves then of course they have every right to. But it doesn't mean that those who don't are wrong or irresponsible. You can't impose them on other people - and that includes making a dad go and pick up a daughter when he doesn't think it is necessary. If you think it is necessary, learn to drive and go pick her up yourself.

there is no absolute right or wrong 'rules' here. It's up to each individual to assess the risks and decide what they want to do.

Me? I'm always out and about and always have been, and always will be. I've been perved at, followed, groped on a bus in broad daylight, flashed, harassed by a loony drunk teenager. A few sad men don't scare me off living my life. It's true I have not been seriously attacked and I can understand how that would change your view, but the fact that a tiny number of people do get seriously attacked isn't a reason to not go out, for me. I refuse to live in a cage and it's very unlikely anything will happen to me.

Some people are scared of their own shadows. One woman I worked with was horrified to find out I am often the last to leave the office. 'Aren't you scared' she said, when I asked 'what of' she couldn't even think of anything to actually be scared of. But she would NEVER be in a building on her own, she be 'too scared'. She never went out in the dark. She wouldn't sleep in the house on her own so if her partner was away she stayed with her mum and dad. I thought she was rather pathetic but probably she'd been brought up that way?

Dunroamin

heretolearn wrote: »

Not if it means living in a cage of your own devising.

I agree with that. We can't live our lives in fear. for most people the risks now are actually less than in the past - it's our perception and information that has changed.

If people wish to impose these restrictions on themselves then of course they have every right to. But it doesn't mean that those who don't are wrong or irresponsible. You can't impose them on other people - and that includes making a dad go and pick up a daughter when he doesn't think it is necessary. If you think it is necessary, learn to drive and go pick her up yourself.

there is no absolute right or wrong 'rules' here. It's up to each individual to assess the risks and decide what they want to do.

Me? I'm always out and about and always have been, and always will be. I've been perved at, followed, groped on a bus in broad daylight, flashed, harassed by a loony drunk teenager. A few sad men don't scare me off living my life. It's true I have not been seriously attacked and I can understand how that would change your view, but the fact that a tiny number of people do get seriously attacked isn't a reason to not go out, for me. I refuse to live in a cage and it's very unlikely anything will happen to me.

Some people are scared of their own shadows. One woman I worked with was horrified to find out I am often the last to leave the office. 'Aren't you scared' she said, when I asked 'what of' she couldn't even think of anything to actually be scared of. But she would NEVER be in a building on her own, she be 'too scared'. She never went out in the dark. She wouldn't sleep in the house on her own so if her partner was away she stayed with her mum and dad. I thought she was rather pathetic but probably she'd been brought up that way?

:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

If you let fear curtail your life then the b uggers have won!

NickyBat

Huge difference between being careful and living in fear, i think some are going a bit ott.

janninew

I asked my husband this question, we have a baby daughter so its not an issue yet, but will be in the future no doubt! We both agreed that we would be happy to pick her up every fortnight. Neither of us drink and I don't think a 10 minute car journey every 2 weeks is asking that much. I would expect her to do chores and help around the house, its all about give and take.

I know the chances of something happening to her on the bus/walking home is slim, I would never forgive myself if something did happen though. I wouldn't be happy walking the Streets at night at 11.00pm unless I had my dogs with me, so I wouldn't be happy with my child walking the streets.

I'm usually in my PJ's at that time, but would be happy to put a coat over them and stick my trainers on. I'm very generous with lifts anyway and often give lifts to friends, so certainly don't see a 10 minute car journey once a fortnight for my only child to be that big of a deal.

jenhug

My dad always gave me a lift home from wherever i needed. He saw it that while I was living under his roof, it was still his responsibility to keep me safe. (infact he would still do so now, and I am in my 30's) So, 2am nightclub pickups were quite normal for him. When I got older and drove myself he always stayed awake until I got in so he knew I was ok.

I didn't over abuse this though, and both myself and my husband will take it in turns with our own children when they reach that age.

tooldle

Neither of my parents drive. When I was a teenager there were three options for this type of problem. Dad would walk and use public transport to meet me, but it had to be at a reasonable hour and convenient to his schedule; I could arrange to travel with friends, or finally I could organise a taxi from our local company (expensive, but at least we knew who the drivers would be). I would suggest a compromise. If your daughter wants a lift, then how about she ends her night earlier, at a time that your husband is comfortable with? If she won't compromise and it has to be 11pm, then she pre-books a taxi to collect her.
I don't agree that parents should always chauffer their kids. Learning how to get around independently, and how to do it safely is an important part of growing up.

TeamLowe

I didn't have a boyfriend at that age but i would never have been allowed to stay out til eleven at anyone's house but my parents were quite strict, think it was like half nine ten on weekends, if i was lucky

when i got a bit older and going out out the rule was i could have a lift anywhere as long as it was before half eight so my parents could enjoy their evening too and have a few drinks. i always thought that was very reasonable, especially since they're usually asleep on the couch by ten lol

i can understand your husband objecting to the time but not the principle with the aforementioned safety worries. i don't know if your daughter works/has hobbies but if she doesn't then she has all of saturday/sunday to spend with her boyfriend so saying 'i'll give you a lift home but only if it's before x time' is fair enough

even after i'd been away to uni for three years if mum was giving me a lift to the pub she'd still warn me about there being nasty men around :rotfl: