Is my husband being unreasonable or is it me ?

pinkpig08

I would not be happy with my child walking a 30min journey at 11pm on a Saturday night. I would alternate with her boyfriends' mother. If youdecide to learn to drive then you could also alternate with your husband so each of you only goes once a month.

System

I'm mixed on this topic. Hubbys nephew is 30 and his Mum is still taxiing around. They have had loads of arguments because Mum wants him to learn to drive and he would rather spend his money elsewhere. I told her to stop ferrying him from place to place and he might just get the message but she wont.

2 of my 5 kids drives and the third cant wait but i think thats partially cause his Dad works away (i dont drive) and is unable to give him lifts. My other two kids just drift along in life and are happy to walk everywhere.

Spirit_2

emmalinestephen wrote: »

Thanks for your helful replies so far. You are right Marisco I really should have learnt to drive. It's a huge regret. We wouldn't have had this problem with DD as I would have been more than happy to collect her and also it would have been great to help my parents get around now they are getting on. Although, hubby will help them no problem I hate asking all the time. I feel I'm a bit long in the tooth now to learn . 50 next year !!

You are not too long in the tooth by any stretch of the imagination.

30 years ago my mother was widowed at 52 and could not drive. She gave my dads car to my brother and expected to take buses herself.

Roll on 12 months and without my overbearing father undermining her and with our encouragement to try she had passed her test.

This useful skill and her own small cars opened a lot of doors for her and kept them open for many years - she gave up driving at 78.

On the issue of lift giving - we were happy to run our DD around when it was needed. We live in a rural area without any public transport. Partly attitude but there is a difference in that OH and I could share any regular commitments and neither of us were called upon to 'taxi' others such as elderly parents.

Teenagers are not usual grateful for the efforts of their parents - does your DD thank her dad for the things he already does for her - could that be a part of why he feels he does not want to help her with this?

Tish_P

Someone else (onlyroz?) suggested this above, but why not get her a bicycle? With decent lights she can get home safely in 10 minutes, and she could phone you when she set off so you wouldn't worry. Plus it builds her independence and it'll save on petrol.

VfM4meplse

emmalinestephen wrote: »

I feel I'm a bit long in the tooth now to learn . 50 next year !!

Not true, two of my aunts learnt to drive in their mid 50s - like you, out of necessity. It's not an unkind comment to suggest that they are completely devoid of common sense - 20 years on they will still only drive around their town, to suggest an airport run to them sends them into a panic attack :eek::eek::eek:! (Although they are exceptionally tight too, so it might be about the cost of petrol ).

I would also suggest that there is a better reason for your husband offering a lift: the bf's mum is providing your daughter with a safe environment and an element of supervision if she is in their company. I don't know how old your DD is, but I would not be happy at any suggestion of hanky-panky. I too don't think it's appropriate for your DD to walk home late at night, if you don't share your responsibilities with lift sharing it will eventually occur to your DD that it's safer to stay at her bfs at night and walk home in the morning.

Wellyboots6

50 is not too young to learn to drive!

A lady I work with decided she was going to pass her driving test for her 60th birthday, and she did it! And she then went out and booked herself her first ever tattoo as a present for herself for her 60th

She decided that there were so many things she had wanted to do in her life but had put off, or never got round to doing, that she needed to give herself a push and a target to work towards.

Her children are now grown up and she feels she wants to start enjoying herself again and find out who 'she' is rather than just who 'mum' is.

osian

I'd perhaps think about looking up the bus timetables. If the bus-stop near you is lonely or far away perhaps think about meeting her there. Her boyfriend can send her off on the other side.

Perhaps consider doing the trip with her a couple of times so you can see how safe/easy it is.

When I was a teenager, my father also did not want to pick me up if I was out. The only exceptions were special occasions and very late nights. I never felt that he did not care, just that he expected me to make my own arrangements and gain independence.

All my friends lived in the nearest town (about 5 miles away) and I learned to use the bus alone from about the age of eleven and gradually used them at night as I got older. Then I passed my driving test at 17 and never looked back!

globetraveller

emmalinestephen wrote: »

Really appreciating your replies. It's good to get others perspective.

Yes, he is her father not step-father and yes I really should learn to drive. It's not that I can't be bothered I've just never got round to it.

The bus/walk options are viable ( it's only a 30 minute walk ) but if the boy's mum gives her a lift I feel we should respond likewise.

I think the crux of the matter is if my daughter asked me to get up at 5 am and walk to the next town in the pouring rain for shoelaces for her I would do it. That is, I would do anything for her. Why doesn't her Dad feel like that ?

then learn to drive, if you really mean that! Also I hope your daughter doesnt read this forum and then takes you up on the 5am deal. Its easy to say isn't it?;)

VJsmum

emmalinestephen wrote: »

I think the crux of the matter is if my daughter asked me to get up at 5 am and walk to the next town in the pouring rain for shoelaces for her I would do it. That is, I would do anything for her. Why doesn't her Dad feel like that ?

Glad you said this was an exaggeration I'd pick my daughter up from somewhere but I wouldn't do this!

Every week is probably a bit much, it is a shame you don't drive as it would then be every third week - or once a month if one week you forked out for a taxi. My 15 year old DD isn't in that situation yet, she has the odd night out but nothing to really impact on us. However next year she is going to sixth form in a different town half an hour away, and will have friends from even further afield, so I can see that mum's / dad's taxi is going to be employed a little more.

My OH never minds though, he doesn't really drink very much and isn't a fan of Saturday night telly. Maybe if we had friends over - or we had gone to theirs - it might be more of an issue.

bright_side

Has the bf's mum asked that your daughter makes other arrangements to get home on a Saturday night or are you just feeling bad because she always does it?

I have been in this situation with my ds whereby I was taking his gf home several nights a week. I started doing it when I discovered that gf wasn't being picked up by her mum as I had thought, but had actually been telling her that my ds was walking her home! I was horrified to say the least! I told her there and then that I would ALWAYS run her home (along with a little chat about why she shouldn't lie to her Mum!). I wouldn't be happy with my son walking around the streets late at night if it's more than 5 minutes away from home.

Some men (and undoubtedly women) do seem to have more of an 'oh they'll be alright attitude', which is hard to accept when it's not in your nature.

I'm sure if it was a problem for your daughters bfs mum she would stop doing it. If she's anything like me she'll just be happy that her son has got himself a nice girlfriend