My husband has committed Adultery

[Deleted User]

Hi Poker, just have faith that however bad it feels right now, it will get better. It'll take time but it won't always be as bad as this.

As time goes by.., you will start to see that your home life wasn't as perfect as it seems now. U will see things more objectively and realise that u are probably better off without him. It sounds to me like he gives a lot of excuses for his past failures, which is always a worrying sign to me. Instead of thinking 'why does he prefer this other woman rather than me with all I can offer' (i.e. leading to self blame) think 'I guess a rodent has found its natural level'! Don't see it as some problem you had.., put blame where it belongs.., with him. He's made the choice, and one day u will breath a sigh of relief he did.

It will get better.

One way to help get u through all the emotions is to set yourself targets each day.., take the kids to the park and concentrate on making them laugh (do u all good).., u will be surprised how much it will say to you (I can still laugh even when life is as crap as this). Go to a solicitor and find out what your situation is. Make a claim for benefits as a matter of urgency to help you in the short term.

Try and find one thing each day that will make u feel good, whether it be having a relaxing bubble bath, making something, taking a walk etc. Give yourself a bit of caring, if you see what I mean.

Wishing you all the best x x

poker21

deannatrois wrote: »

Hi Poker, just have faith that however bad it feels right now, it will get better. It'll take time but it won't always be as bad as this.

As time goes by.., you will start to see that your home life wasn't as perfect as it seems now. U will see things more objectively and realise that u are probably better off without him. It sounds to me like he gives a lot of excuses for his past failures, which is always a worrying sign to me. Instead of thinking 'why does he prefer this other woman rather than me with all I can offer' (i.e. leading to self blame) think 'I guess a rodent has found its natural level'! Don't see it as some problem you had.., put blame where it belongs.., with him. He's made the choice, and one day u will breath a sigh of relief he did.

It will get better.

One way to help get u through all the emotions is to set yourself targets each day.., take the kids to the park and concentrate on making them laugh (do u all good).., u will be surprised how much it will say to you (I can still laugh even when life is as crap as this). Go to a solicitor and find out what your situation is. Make a claim for benefits as a matter of urgency to help you in the short term.

Wishing you all the best x x

I have been trying to keep busy, I did 19 job applications today whereas i normally did 5 per day on average.

Claiming benefits is not something I can bring myself to do as I do have some savings and my daughter is helping me and it's not as if we're on the bread-line. It would just be wrong there are people that need to claim but not me not yet, hopefully never. I've never even claimed child tax credit when they introduced it.

I have made an appointment with a solicitor for the 21st, earliest I could get and she gave me a little advice on the phone so am a little re-assured.

Mrs_Imp

Hugs poker.

However bad you're feeling, make sure you go out of the house with a big smile on your face every day. Get your hair cut too, and maybe treat yourself to some new shoes. I know that sounds all a bit shallow, but the best revenge is to appear to be happy and successful.

I remember seeing a cheating ex in the street. I was in a nice suit on my way to work, with a new haircut. He was scruffy, dirty and out of work. That moment cheered me up for ages.

If he doesn't come back for his clothes, there will be a homeless charity near you who would really appreciate them.

You will get through this. One day at a time.

Pollycat

poker21 wrote: »

I have been trying to keep busy, I did 19 job applications today whereas i normally did 5 per day on average.

Claiming benefits is not something I can bring myself to do as I do have some savings and my daughter is helping me and it's not as if we're on the bread-line. It would just be wrong there are people that need to claim but not me not yet, hopefully never. I've never even claimed child tax credit when they introduced it.

I have made an appointment with a solicitor for the 21st, earliest I could get and she gave me a little advice on the phone so am a little re-assured.

I'm glad you have got a solicitors appointment, I would start putting together some specific questions that you need answers to.
Start with the house.

Re the bit in bold above:
I think you should rethink your attitude based on what you say here:.

poker21 wrote: »

oh, I so hope you're right.
I'm out of work at the moment but I've worked all my adult life and for my kids not for someone to come along and swipe it all away.
He agreed last week to transfer it back to me but now maybe she's convinced him otherwise. Why else is he avoiding me

You have presumably paid tax and so have paid into the 'system'. It is there for when you need it. You need it now.
Unless, of course, the level of your savings would put you above the level of benefits.
Do you think it's fair on your daughter to help you financially if you are entitled to help from the state but won't claim?

poker21

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm glad you have got a solicitors appointment, I would start putting together some specific questions that you need answers to.
Start with the house.

Re the bit in bold above:
I think you should rethink your attitude based on what you say here:.

You have presumably paid tax and so have paid into the 'system'. It is there for when you need it. You need it now.
Unless, of course, the level of your savings would put you above the level of benefits.
Do you think it's fair on your daughter to help you financially if you are entitled to help from the state but won't claim?

Sorry, I hope I didn't offend anyone when I said about claiming benefits.
I have £10,500.00 in savings and just thought I could live on that for the next 5 months and if I don't get a job by then, then I would claim. Sorry
I've had well paid jobs in the past, but right now I have been applying even for minimum wage jobs.

Regarding my daughter, I had some inheritance a while ago and have paid to put her through Law School, she's not earning masses as she's only a trainee, but she has ample disposable income as she calls it. So she can afford it and plus it won't be for long as I have also put in for becoming a Driving Instructor which shouldn't take more than a few months to complete.

robpw2

whilst your daughter may be helping you out , there will come a point when this will cause a problem.
you need to claim benefits- any money which your entitiled too you should get because its about preservation , hopefully you will find some work and get off them soon but short term its for the best.

you really need to seek some legal advice perhaps try your local citizens advice who will suggest someone who can give you the information you require especially regarding marital assets,

i wouldn't ring him just dont have any contact let him come to you if he wants/needs anything - you have asked him to take his stuff just store it till he comes for it .

Go an talk to someone, perhaps someone from relate or go and see your doctor to get an appointment with a counsellor because its clear from your posts this is having a major affect on your mh and i think its better for you to sort things out now then to leave it till things get worse.

Pollycat

poker21 wrote: »

Sorry, I hope I didn't offend anyone when I said about claiming benefits.
I have £10,500.00 in savings and just thought I could live on that for the next 5 months and if I don't get a job by then, then I would claim. Sorry
I've had well paid jobs in the past, but right now I have been applying even for minimum wage jobs.

Regarding my daughter, I had some inheritance a while ago and have paid to put her through Law School, she's not earning masses as she's only a trainee, but she has ample disposable income as she calls it. So she can afford it and plus it won't be for long as I have also put in for becoming a Driving Instructor which shouldn't take more than a few months to complete.

There's no need to apologise, you didn't offend me.

It's just that I believe that if someone has a legitimate entitlement to benefits, they should claim.
Of course, it's entirely your decision whether you claim or not.

I'm not sure how you stand with £10.5K in savings, but for me, it would be worth checking out.
That's where an appointment with CAB would help. They will be able to advise you if you would be entitled to any benefits.
And, it would still be up to you whether to claim or not.

Pollycat

poker21 wrote: »

LOL, you made me smile.
I don't own a pair of christian louboutin shoes yet but I did treat myself to my first pair of Jimmy Choos a few weeks ago

Poker
ignore the relationship advice from joneywhole.

They are just advertising their website - which is not allowed on MSE.
I've reported their post.

Caroline_a

Poker, whether you think you need benefits or not, your savings may be necessary if a solicitor gets involved, plus your NI stamp will be paid. You may get a job within a week or so, but conversely it could take a while.

Don't be too proud to accept the help now, it's too late when your savings have gone.

ginger_tony

Hi poker 21, sorry about what has happened to you l know this must been devastating for you. Remember your the one holding the ace cards. You have the house (fight for it ) you have the supportive family and what have you lost a cheating scumbag a pig like that you can do without. If you sleep you can think clearer , if you can eat you will gain your strength. You will survive this dont see yourself as a victim(then the scum bag wins)your better than that, pick yourself off the floor and see this as a fresh start. l can never understand how another women could do this to someones wife, but guaranteed she might be smug just now but wait till his feet is under the table she will never be able to trust the scum bucket either so their relationship is doom. l so believe in karma so do the right thing bag his stuff and ask a friend to deliver it to her house and let them get on with it. Dont be surprised if he crawls back with his tale between his legs begging for forgiveness and if he does get him to sign the house back over and kick himout the next day.Good luck sweetheart and stay strong