My husband has committed Adultery

paddy's_mum

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING IT!!!!

You will lose the moral high ground; you will make people feel sorry for him; you open yourself up to accusations of manipulation; you will give them both more than enough grounds to go to the police and instigate criminal proceedings against you for harassment; you give him ammunition to slag you off with.....

You're hurting, I understand that, but please, don't add to the damage he has inflicted by standing up to be knocked down. About the only good think I have to say about Camilla Parker Bowles is that she kept her mouth shut throughout, retained her dignity, and let the world roll on without her input. Now you need to be as brave and as sensible and spinning in circles, attacking him/them with whatever stick you can lay hands on is going to hurt nobody but you. Honest!!

ailuro2

Revenge is a dish best served cold....

word will be all round where he works anyway, and people will be sniggering at him behind his back for giving you up to go with this smelly little trollop.

Plenty time after all the paperwork is done and you have your house back in your name to let things slip on facebook...

though it sounds like he's going to be a laughing stock already, so not really any need to lose any of your own dignity by dropping a level.

So sad for you, who knows why some men want even more when they already have it all?

poker21

Thanks everyone, seeing as you all think that it's a bad idea and I'm the only one that thinks it's good, I am not going to send it. Obviously I'm not thinking clearly.
Thanks to all for talking me out of it.

He was supposed to see me at noon today but sent a message at 11:50 saying 'sorry can't see you today'

I have met a couple of his drivers who know about it and were saying how they have even less respect for 'K' and him now. They also said why would he leave you for her.
I did feel good hearing this

pmlindyloo

Someone gave you very good advice on here about going very quiet until you see your solicitor.

I know you are hurting but this is the time when you are most vulnerable and may do things that you will regret later. Do not meet up with your ex. Give yourself some time to get your thoughts together. Have you a close friend or family member you can talk to? Or keep coming on here for support.

Rant away, think of all the horrible things you would like to do to him (and her) but do not jeopardise your future by putting any of them into practice.

This will be the time when your true friends will rally round.

Maintain your dignity. Hide your inner feelings to the outside world and sound off to us and close friends/family within four walls. Do not vent your anger on Facebook and the like. It might come back to 'bite you'.

Sorry for the lecture but things can easily get out of hand and you want to come out of this with dignity and be able to move on to a better future.

From the sound of things he will get his 'comeuppance' sooner than later.

paddy's_mum

I really don't want to add to your feelings of having been sullied but as the Other Woman is a grubby sort with a number of recent (?) exes, in your shoes, I'd be off to the clinic to get my sexual health checked out.

I'm sorry to have to say it but it just seems like commonsense to me.

poker21

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I really don't want to add to your feelings of having been sullied but as the Other Woman is a grubby sort with a number of recent (?) exes, in your shoes, I'd be off to the clinic to get my sexual health checked out.

I'm sorry to have to say it but it just seems like commonsense to me.

I made an appointment with GP as soon as I had found out about the affair, the earliest appointment they could give me was 21st May.

ginger_tony

Hi poker glad you decided not to send the letter it would have been a mistake. Believe me these two work together and live together the sheen is going to go soon on that relationship, the excitement will go and it will become boring. The honeymoon period will not last long and the realisation of what he has done will dawn on him. If l were you l would stop listening to those ex's as well l know it feels good to hear the K one being slagged off but at the end of the day although she is not a nice person she is not the one you were married and betrayed you be angry at the right person. Get your affairs in order ie your house, benefits, sexual health and solicitors and this this will make you feel a bit more secure. I have a friend this happened too and it was a complete shock to her , she had to sell her home, up her working hours. She nearly had a breakdown the shock was they were the most solid couple l knew, he adored her and their kids yet he done this. A year down the line although she is still devastated she has a full time job, a new home, a boyfriend and is doing well and guess who wants her back even although hes is living with the mistress and just got engaged her ex hubby. He is the one who is deeply unhappy and she is like a new woman so sit back and wait to see what happens and dont take him back when he comes crawling.

Caroline_a

Another one who's glad you didn't send the letter. Let's be very cold and calculating here... you don't want to see him out of a job, not because you want him to be wealthy, but the more disposable income he has, the more you can get your own way. If he has no money he will want his share of the house.....

Also, you need to see a solicitor to make sure that you can get some of his pension. As a company director and at his age he will have built up a fair pension I would think... don't let it all go to him and 'her'! You need a Rottweiler of a solicitor!

poker21

thanks Caroline, I didn't look at it that way.
Do you think I can claim maintenance without putting in for a divorce.
I have my solicitors appointment next week but just thought I'd ask.
I didn't know I could get any of his pension.

Thanks

Caroline_a

I think that these days maintenance for the woman is very few and far between - courts tend to take the view that women can look after themselves financially. I wouldnt rush immediately for a divorce, you need to get all your financial ducks in a row first. At the moment, as others have said, you are in a very strong position, both with having the house, plus he will be feeling very guilty. You need to take advantage of this... maintain a 'little woman' act to build the guilt, as he will fall over himself to 'buy' himself out of it.

I found this for you, but there is a calculator on wikivorce (can't get onto it from work to give you the link )

Hope that helps a bit... but make sure your solicitor is prepared to go for the jugular.. I hate to say this, but divorces are nasty things, and unfortunately now is the time to look after number 1.