My husband has committed Adultery

paddy's_mum

The OP hasn't yet realised that she holds all the cards! She's in possession and occupation of the home and holds the timing of any divorce entirely in her own hands.

In her shoes, I'd be going very, very quiet and unreachable and make him do all the running.

The reason he put just a squiggle on the draft is because he knows she is the supplicant in their relationship but hopefully, one day very soon, he is going to discover that she isn't quite the loving, biddable 'doormat' that he has always thought her to be.

Their so-called split demonstrates only one thing - this man is calculating, cold and cruel. In my view, he and the lady friend are pretty grubby and I really hope they get every last thing they so richly deserve!

poker21

paddy's_mum wrote: »

The OP hasn't yet realised that she holds all the cards! She's in possession and occupation of the home and holds the timing of any divorce entirely in her own hands.

In her shoes, I'd be going very, very quiet and unreachable and make him do all the running.

The reason he put just a squiggle on the draft is because he knows she is the supplicant in their relationship but hopefully, one day very soon, he is going to discover that she isn't quite the loving, biddable 'doormat' that he has always thought her to be.

Their so-called split demonstrates only one thing - [COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]this man is calculating, cold and cruel.[/COLOR][/COLOR] [COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]In my view, he and the lady friend are pretty grubby and I really hope they get every last thing they so richly deserve!

[/COLOR]

Thanks
Everything you have said is so accurate.
I always said to him that he treated me like a doormat.
The few times I've seen him the last 2 weeks he's gone back to not washing, greasy hair and beard not trimmed and untidy, he was wearing clothes that weren't even ironed.
She too is the same, having spoken to her ex's she is dirty and her house filthy, she doesn't cook or clean and takes no pride in her appearance.

System

The few times I've seen him the last 2 weeks he's gone back to not washing, greasy hair and beard not trimmed and untidy, he was wearing clothes that weren't even ironed.
She too is the same, having spoken to her ex's she is dirty and her house filthy, she doesn't cook or clean and takes no pride in her appearance.

Eww! Looks like they deserve eachother then.

globetraveller

Don't make excuses for your husband.Its nothing to do with the AGM. It was his choice.
The letter is not a good idea.

Pollycat

Bad idea!

Do not do it!

poker21 wrote: »

I am thinking of sending out this email to his superiors, any thoughts.


Coming up to the next AGM I feel it necessary to air my concern.

The policy that you have introduced 3 years ago to say that partners are not allowed to attend the AGM’s perhaps needs to be addressed.

It was then that my husband XXX XXX (company Director) from XXXXXX began his betrayal with this woman with loose morals.

I only suggest this, as I wouldn’t want anyone else to experience a break-up of his or her marriage having attended the conference weekend.

For an older married and family man of 61 years to behave in such a manner with no conscience or integrity is disgraceful and sets a seriously disruptive example for junior employees.

For XXX to still behave with such arrogance rather than be riddled with guilt for ruining three lives shows that he isn’t the respectable and honourable man with family values that he portrayed himself to be 11 years ago.

Please do look into this policy that has been implemented, as it would be a terrible shame for another family break-up due to attending the AGM with mature adults not being able to control their behaviour.

Affairs can start any time, any place.

If you send this, imho, you will be making a very big mistake.

I understand how hurt you are but this is just not the way forward.

poker21

it's a way of me letting them know.
I really want to send it
could i get into trouble?

Pollycat

poker21 wrote: »

it's a way of me letting them know.
I really want to send it
could i get into trouble?

Letting them know what?
Are they a company that would be interested in the personal lives of their employees?
What do you expect to gain by doing this?

Did she also work for the same company?
Or did he just take her along to the AGM?
I know some companies frown on work relationships but not all do.

At the very least, I think you run the risk of looking like a 'a woman scorned'.

I've been in your position, I know how you feel, I know what you want to do and why.

Trust me, it's not a good idea.

bluebird

Poker you are asking for big trouble if you send that letter, heed the advice given from the forum users.

As for lock change on your doors i would go ahead,you could always use the excuse you lost your keys so needed to change the locks, the only reason i am saying this is long ago i came home from work to find my violent ex sitting on my sofa drinking beers,i had a restraining order against him, he always done what he wanted so it made no difference, i didnt even think to change the locks so he used his key and got in and waited for me.so change the locks.

poker21

Pollycat wrote: »

Letting them know what?
Are they a company that would be interested in the personal lives of their employees?
What do you expect to gain by doing this?

Did she also work for the same company?
Or did he just take her along to the AGM?
I know some companies frown on work relationships but not all do.

At the very least, I think you run the risk of looking like a 'a woman scorned'.

I've been in your position, I know how you feel, I know what you want to do and why.

Trust me, it's not a good idea.

they both work together in the same office

BitterAndTwisted

NO! DO NOT SEND THAT LETTER!!!!

I understand why you'd want to send it but that's not a good enough reason. All you will do is make people think you are a fool, and a desperate one at that. Do you want people to pity you? It will not achieve what you want it to. Most companies, where their directors are concerned, do not take any interest in what they choose to do outside of the office. Not even when one of their number starts a relationship with one of its employees. They will only be interested if there is a risk of accusations of harassment or that they have behaved inappropriately on the premises.

Don't be an utter fool. Please preserve some tiny shred of dignity. Think of other ways to harm him if you must extract revenge. Protecting your home from any claim he might have on it should be your number one priority right now, not embarrassing yourself.

I do speak from experience here as my mother did a very similar thing in the first throes of my parents' separation and it achieved nothing, not even any deep satisfaction for her in the long-term. People who knew them both pitied her and had serious doubts about her stability and so did I. And those people were ones who could have been relied on to offer her some help and support and she did the one thing that ensured she got absolutely none.