My husband has committed Adultery

hazyjo

PS It makes naff all difference to any divorce settlement too. Don't waste your money on a private investigator. No gain for you at all.

Pollycat

I agree with robpw2 & hazyjo - stick with the unreasonable behaviour if that is what your solicitor suggests.

Insisting on the grounds being adultery might make you feel better but it will eventually just be a hollow victory.

And forget about wasting money on a PI to get evidence.

Get rid of this scumbag in the cheapest way you can, get as much financial stuff you can from him - house, pensions, any cash/savings - then try to move on.

Caroline_a

Once you're divorced nobody gives a monkey about the reasons, it isn't like it was years ago. Most divorces are for unreasonable behaviour, which adultery certainly is!

Personally I would leave the actual divorce for the time being, sort out the money first! The divorce will cost you... unless you can get him to agree to costs. At this time I would be trying to get as much as possible from him - be it house, pension, savings, etc etc. You will only get one shot at this, so make sure your solicitor gets it right! The divorce bits matter not at all!

I think you're doing great, by the way, keep coming back if you want a rant or a moan, or any advice!

poker21

He's coming down at 1pm today to collect the remainder of his belongings.

piglet74

poker21 wrote: »

He's coming down at 1pm today to collect the remainder of his belongings.

how are you feeling?:A

poker21

ok I think, busy bagging up the last of his stuff.
Don't know what I am going to say to him, if anything

In all, his belongs took 30 bin liners and 1 suitcase, that's a lot of crap he had

piglet74

poker21 wrote: »

ok I think, busy bagging up the last of his stuff.
Don't know what I am going to say to him, if anything

In all, his belongs took 30 bin liners and 1 suitcase, that's a lot of crap he had

getting rid of it all will help, help clear your house, AND your head :A

dont feel like you have to say anything to him if you dont want to,

you will know when the time comes what feels right,

daniboy

poker21 wrote: »

Hey Lou lou
our family was so perfect, I was extremely grateful for everything we had and for my kids they adored him, they are so heart broken and it's so painful to see.
We had 11 years together (3 years living together before we got married) you think you would know someone having been together so long, but you don't
I feel betrayed, humiliated, so many emotions, can't think, can't sleep, I picture them together every moment I'm awake
It's like torture

Hi
I have just been through this. My husband of 18yrs left me for a younger model 3 yrs ago. We are now divorced. We as you describe also had the "perfect" family. All our friends thought we were so good together and often asked me what the secret was.
I hear your pain. This will ease but don't expect it to be quick. Try and concentrate on practical things. I know this is very hard to do but it does give you a sense of achievement.
I went to a counseller eventually after refusing for months but the questions kept runing around in my head the whole time, why, when, how etc
He has said he is sorry but now all I see is a selfish individual who only ever put his needs first no matter what the cost.
He is the one who has lost the respect of everyone who was dear to him and the same will be true of your husband. They never see the potential fall out and damage this sort of action does.
You need to try and think what YOU want and that is so very difficult for a women to consider. You will have put all of your family needs before your own for years.
Take care and I hope your pain eases soon x

daniboy

Pollycat wrote: »

It's your own personal choice about claiming benefits.

If it were me, and I was entitled to claim benefits, I would do so.

I worked for 33 years, paying a reasonable amount of tax and NI so I think if I met the criteria then why not claim.
You worked too.

I don't think anyone will stop giving you advice for not claiming benefits, or for any other reason.
We like hearing the sound of our own voices (or should that be keyboard tapping?) too much. :rotfl:

Take care - and do spend some time preparing for your solicitor's appointment.
Talking about things that have happened, especially with a stranger, can be overwhelming and you need to make sure you get answers.
Make a list of questions and take a pad and make notes.
If you don't understand anything she says, ask her to clarify.
Take someone with you if possible - your daughter?

That is such very good advice. I had three attempts to get into the solicitor's office! when I did have my first appointment I cryed all the way through. Trust me I don't usually cry never mind in front of a complete stranger. Anyway after a year of appt's etc my solicitor and I now laugh about our first few meetings!!