Family breakdown - never mind just being DH!

whitewing

Night pebbles, sleep tight and sweet dreams.

pebbles88

Still fuzzy headed, lots of broken sleep & feel a bit zombified....

He's ended up moving further away then he hoped as the house his friend was going for fell through. So had a late night getting sorted there. He did text me the address as he promised.

Sw just rang, they have got mum a respite place at the home at end of our road. So it's literally minutes away.

Have let DH know, and that I nervous about her going, but that I'm trying to look forward to us going out on the night. I've also said I don't wanna talk about any heavy stuff but that I just want to enjoy a bit of time with each other. All I got bk was okay.... Not sure if that's good or bad? :-/

jetplane

Good morning, I would be fuzzy headed if I'd had your medication I know it's easier to say but try not to analyse things too much, deep breaths, keep calm and carry on, or eat chocolate

Don't drink wine though, oh no not with your meds, can you imagine :eek:

CH27

pebbles88 wrote: »

Still fuzzy headed, lots of broken sleep & feel a bit zombified....

He's ended up moving further away then he hoped as the house his friend was going for fell through. So had a late night getting sorted there. He did text me the address as he promised.

Sw just rang, they have got mum a respite place at the home at end of our road. So it's literally minutes away.

Have let DH know, and that I nervous about her going, but that I'm trying to look forward to us going out on the night. I've also said I don't wanna talk about any heavy stuff but that I just want to enjoy a bit of time with each other. All I got bk was okay.... Not sure if that's good or bad? :-/

I'm so glad the respite is sorted.
Please use the respite time to have a break. Don't be visiting your mum all the time or it defeats the object.

RacyRed

CH27 wrote: »

I'm so glad the respite is sorted.
Please use the respite time to have a break. Don't be visiting your mum all the time or it defeats the object.

I agree with CH27, just because the respite place is so close doesn't mean you should be visiting. This is meant to be YOUR respite - and you need it.

pebbles88

Mums just broke her heart crying cos she didn't realise it was tomorrow she's going. I feel so evil, I feel sick at the thought of not seeing her each time I go upstairs and giving her a kiss goodnight. I'im scared I can't do it. Even with the meds I'm breaking my heart crying

CH27

pebbles88 wrote: »

Mums just broke her heart crying cos she didn't realise it was tomorrow she's going. I feel so evil, I feel sick at the thought of not seeing her each time I go upstairs and giving her a kiss goodnight. I'im scared I can't do it. Even with the meds I'm breaking my heart crying

You can do this!
You will do this!

You need it & your mum needs it.

jetplane

You all need it. You need to break this cycle. It is possible for you to be codependant when you are caring for people. Your husband has started it and you need to keep it moving.

Imagine if your husband comes around tomorrow and you tell him oh mums still here I couldn't do it.

No one expects this to be easy but thing of the long term, you are strong, you can do this.

pebbles88

I just keep being sick with the thought of it.

RacyRed

pebbles88 wrote: »

Mums just broke her heart crying cos she didn't realise it was tomorrow she's going. I feel so evil, I feel sick at the thought of not seeing her each time I go upstairs and giving her a kiss goodnight. I'im scared I can't do it. Even with the meds I'm breaking my heart crying

This is going to sound so harsh but Pebbles honey, You MUST follow through with respite. You seriously need the break and to be blunt about it, your Mum needs time to reflect on how she has behaved with you and your hubby. Maybe this will be the wake up call she needs? I know your Mum is very ill and possibly doesn't realise how much of an impact caring for her has had on you. My guess is that she is a lovely woman (just like her daughter ) who, in less testing times would be horrified at the effect she has had on you and your OH. Give her an opportunity to reflect, she may be very grateful for it in the longer term.

My Mum used to create like crazy about going into respite, but the family needed the break and she needed the opportunity to reflect on the fact that her family loved and cared enough to want her at home, and did not deserve to be driven round the bend by her taking out her frustrations on them.

Respite is there for a purpose and is invaluable, please Sweetie, stay strong and grasp this brief opportunity to focus on yourself and your OH with both hands.