Family breakdown - never mind just being DH!

jetplane

dorisday wrote: »

I dont feel he is handling this situation well at all why should he want to feel he has to escape you are both or should be together to give each other support when needed.

maybe he is not handling it well because he is depressed, anxious to the point of chest pains, having morbid thoughts and possibly not thinking rationally?

pebbles88

Thanks, my sister has now decided that its up to her and my brother to discuss with me what will be happening. Funny how they never gave a shoot before.

Dorisday, I AM very close to my mum, and we have been comforting each other all weekend. no i cant take her out as she cant do stairs and we dont have a stairlift, which doesnt help the situation as its very frustrating being in same room 24/7.
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our relationship means the world to me. which is why i have tried to help her over the last few months to deal with the frustration and anger from whats happened healthwise.

I've been doing my utmost to keep everyone else happy and have still wound up with heartache.

happyhaddock_2

Aww pebbles I'm so sorry it's not the outcome you were hoping for. I hope you get the help you need regarding your mum so that you and your husband can have the space you need. I agree with yorkie that You're spreading yourself too thin, please try and take time out for yourself xxx

CH27

pebbles88 wrote: »

Thanks, my sister has now decided that its up to her and my brother to discuss with me what will be happening. Funny how they never gave a shoot before.

Dorisday, I AM very close to my mum, and we have been comforting each other all weekend. no i cant take her out as she cant do stairs and we dont have a stairlift, which doesnt help the situation as its very frustrating being in same room 24/7.
e
our relationship means the world to me. which is why i have tried to help her over the last few months to deal with the frustration and anger from whats happened healthwise.

I've been doing my utmost to keep everyone else happy and have still wound up with heartache.

Don't take any hassle from your sister & brother. You are the one doing the hard work so you get to decide what happens.

pebbles88

CH27 wrote: »

You are not alone hun. Keep talking here.

Breaking down in front of the nurse is a good thing. That will help kick start the help you need.

Make a list of what you need to do tomorrow ie ring SS, GP etc

just typed a reply and lost it

my heads killing me, and i can't think of anything. I can access some counseilling through work so Im going to ring them tomorrow and ask if they arrange some couples counselling.


DH said he can't think of it just now, he needs a couple of weeks so that he can get his head around everything. I get what he means, im just glad he isnt getting any chest pains anymore.

He is such a good man, he has even told me to ring or text him much as I need, and that he will still help with heavy shoppin bits etc (I have joint problems & huge op few years ago which mean i have to be careful and am in lots of pain 24/7)

something needed to happen, a small part of me realises that, the sensible part, and I know that unless someting big happened, I never would have realised how ill this is making all of us.

unfortunately every part of me no matter how much I know this is what we need, or he needs right now, is still screaming for him. just hoping my meds will take the edge of and help me sleep tonight. so that I can deal with things tomorrow.

jetplane

pebbles88 wrote: »

Thanks, my sister has now decided that its up to her and my brother to discuss with me what will be happening. Funny how they never gave a shoot before.

Ok well use this to your advantage and don't get caught in the trap of them telling you what you should be doing. Don't accept false promises that they may make to social services.

My brother once did this to me when our dad was in hospital, offering his services while the discharge team were ticking them off their list and I had to say no because I knew he would not sustain any of it.

My strategy was to take everything that they had to offer and then once dad was home we looked at what we really needed and what we could cancel. This was much easier than trying to get it reinstated after the event.

I've been doing my utmost to keep everyone else happy and have still wound up with heartache.

It's often the case that you are so busy looking out for everyone else that you don't see the blow coming but boy do you feel it

jetplane

Even if your husband doesn't want to join you it would be a good idea to go to the councelling alone. Infact it may be better for you to go alone even if it's just at the start.

suki1001

Not sure if this is any help, but is there any chance you can get someone in to help your mum, if respite feels too much. you can choose the level of care, depending on the organisation. some companies have people that come in and do something like read or spend time doing a special interest with that person, or it might be just going in to make a meal and a cup of tea, it doesn't just have to be about care. It might take some of the pressure off you.

You've all been so busy existing, you haven't had time to live. you all need to do this including your mum and it's possible. Equally, your mum doesn't just have to go to a day centre. Does she have any mobility?

pebbles88

suki1001 wrote: »

Not sure if this is any help, but is there any chance you can get someone in to help your mum, if respite feels too much. you can choose the level of care, depending on the organisation. some companies have people that come in and do something like read or spend time doing a special interest with that person, or it might be just going in to make a meal and a cup of tea, it doesn't just have to be about care. It might take some of the pressure off you.



You've all been so busy existing, you haven't had time to live. you all need to do this including your mum and it's possible. Equally, your mum doesn't just have to go to a day centre. Does she have any mobility?

very restricted mobility, due to health problerms add copd & being on oxygen 24/7. she gets scarily breathless.

As for day centres. she was really against the idea, and was pleased we couldnt find a suitable one.. shes very shy and prefers keeping herself to herself. shed love it of she just tried it im sure.

suki1001

pebbles88 wrote: »

very restricted mobility, due to health problerms add copd & being on oxygen 24/7. she gets scarily breathless.

As for day centres. she was really against the idea, and was pleased we couldnt find a suitable one.. shes very shy and prefers keeping herself to herself. shed love it of she just tried it im sure.

I guess when you're doing everything for her, she doesn't need anyone/anything else.
I would think there is room for compromise, you can't do everything yourself for her and she needs to accept that. You need a break and a life. Have a think about what would help. Going to a day centre is not the only solution. Do you have funds to get someone in to help, so you can have a break? What time do you have for you?